Smoke and Mirrors
by Morganperidot
Summary: Now complete. This story begins after 12:00 pm during Season 7. Jack Bauer is in FBI custody, and Agent Renee Walker is about to interrogate him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters and storyline references are the property of the rights holders. No usurpation of rights is intended.

Smoke and Mirrors

By Morganperidot

FBI Agent Renee Walker stood outside Interrogation Room 1 and looked at Jack Bauer. Jack was seated with his arm and legs shackled to the chair. Anger burned inside of her as she looked at him. He had used her and betrayed her, helping a prisoner escape. But now she had him, and she would use him to get Tony Almeida back…no matter what it took to do so.

"I should do this," her boss, Agent Larry Moss said.

"No," Renee said. "He's mine." She straightened the jacket of her gray suit and then walked over to the door and pushed it open. "Get out," she said to the agents who held guns pointed at Jack.

"Agent Moss said we should…"

"I'm running this," Renee said, her gaze on Jack, who didn't look at her. She threw an icy look at the agent who had spoken. "Get out, or you'll be without a job," she said. "You choose." That man looked at the other agent, and then both of them put their weapons away and left the room. Renee waited for the door to close before she spoke again. "So, we found the traitor, didn't we, Jack?" she said. "What is that old saying?" She paused a moment, then grabbed his chin and pulled his head back and up so he was facing her. "We have met the enemy and he is us," she said. He just looked at her and said nothing. She pushed his head away. "We need Almeida back," she said. "Where is he?"

Jack said nothing, just continued looking away with a blank stare.

Renee hadn't expected an answer, so she shifted gears. "I went to see another friend of yours," she said smoothly. After a pause she added, "Audrey Raines."

He looked at her then, the reflection of her own anger rising up in his eyes – and something else too that she turned away from. He didn't speak.

"Her father had quite a bit to say about you, Jack," Renee said. "He told me exactly what kind of person you are, and exactly how you destroyed Audrey's life." She sat down across from him. "Did you know that she has to have constant care?" Renee asked. "She's too traumatized to function on her own. She can't even hold a job or be around people. From what I hear she has a whole book of phobias." Although Jack had looked away from her Renee could see and feel that her words were hitting home. "She was quite a mess when I saw her," Renee said coolly, "quite a basket case, fidgeting, shaking, I mean you wouldn't even believe what all…"

"Stay away from her," Jack said. "She's not involved in this."

"No, you already made things as bad as you could for her didn't you, Jack?" Renee said. "You broke her, didn't you?" she said.

"There's no point to this," Jack said. "I won't give you Almeida." He looked at her. "You know I won't."

"You will, Jack," she said. "Because I know what hurts you, what really hurts. We could beat you, torture you, whatever, and you would never say word one. I don't doubt that I could tear you apart emotionally and you would still not talk. But I can reach out to these people, Jack, Audrey and your daughter – Kim, right? – and hurt you through them. And you will talk then, won't you?"

"You won't harm innocents," Jack said softly, darkly.

"I'll do what needs to be done for the greater good," Renee said. "Isn't that what you always did, Jack? You let your own wife die while you were out torturing and killing people, right? Maybe you even wanted her dead, is that it? Maybe you set up that hit to be rid of the old ball and chain? A lot cleaner cut than divorce, right?" Jack's jaw was clenched, as were his fists beneath the wrist restraints. "Why not get rid of your kid too, huh, Jack?" she asked. "I guess it's easier to just ignore her?" Renee leaned back and chuckled. "She sure hates you too," she said. "She wouldn't even say your name when I talked to her."

"I won't give you Almeida," Jack said.

"You will, Jack," Renee said, "if I have to go through everyone you ever loved."

Jack looked straight at her then, and she saw the strong mixture of pain and fury in his eyes, and the force of that brutal look hit her like a dagger in her stomach. Renee had to fight her instincts to look away. After all, this was what she wanted from him, to see how deeply she was hurting him. She was succeeding. "Listen to this," Jack said flatly. "I will never tell you anything. That is my promise to you. If you harm those people, those wounded people, their blood will be on your hands as much as mine. And that will haunt you every day, every minute of your life, the same way it has haunted me. If you can live with that, then do it. Commit the same crimes I did in front of me. But don't forget another old quote when you do: Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red."

Renee parted her lips, but she had no reply to the words of Lady Macbeth. She knew Jack knew what he was talking about. He lived with that blood always on his hands, and that deep horrible pain in his heart… Renee stood up. "Why did you do it, Jack?" she asked. "Why did you free Almeida?"

"That doesn't matter," Jack said. "If you were smart you would be looking for the mole. While you waste your time in here that person is undermining every move you make."

"There is no mole!" Renee shouted at him, immediately internally chastising herself for losing her cool.

"There is," Jack said. "All this is just the smoke and mirrors, the diversion. I'm not the one who lied to you, Agent Walker, but someone is, someone dangerous, and if you don't find that person…" Renee slapped him, hard enough to leave a bright red mark on his face. He stared at her silently, and she raised her hand to strike him again. "Go ahead," he said. "Beat me, torment the people I've hurt, but in the end this whole house of cards is going to fall and it isn't going to have anything to do with me."

"You're lying," Renee said.

"No, I'm not," Jack said.

"Bastard," Renee said, and she stormed out of the room. The agents moved toward the door. "No," Renee said. "He stays in there alone," she said, "and nothing goes in, no food or water, nothing. Do you hear me?"

"Agent Walker…"

"Let me run this, Larry," Renee said to Moss. She threw an angry glance at Jack through the glass. "He needs to feel how serious this is," she added.

* * * * *

Back in her office Renee sat in her desk chair trying to relieve the terrible cramping pain in her stomach. Her damn deceitful instincts were tell her no, this is wrong. They were telling her to listen to Jack! But she wouldn't do that again. He had been trying to make her doubt herself – and his guilt – but she wasn't going to do that. There was no mole in the FBI! That was ridiculous. Besides the only way for a mole of that magnitude to work would require that the person had some high-level security clearance, which would mean someone higher than her in the Bureau, and how in the world could she find someone like that anyway…

She knew there was only one way she could handle this. Jack was a traitor, but that didn't mean that everything he said was a lie; it was possible he knew for certain that there was a mole in the FBI. But why would he tell her? Why would he insist on her doing something about it? It had to be that he was lying and trying to get her off Almeida's trail, but she still couldn't reject the idea of a mole completely. She knew she had to investigate this as if it were a legitimate tip.

* * * * *

When she went back to Interrogation Room 1, Jack was still bound to the chair, but his head was now bowed as though he was sleeping. Renee shoved the door open and shook him until he woke. "What do you think this is, a hotel?" she snarled at him.

"I think this violates the Geneva Convention," Jack said quietly.

"I don't give a rat's ass about the Geneva Convention, Jack, and neither do you," Renee said. "Tell me who the mole is."

Jack shook his head. "I don't know anything about it," he said. "If you want me to work on finding out…"

"You've got to be kidding," Renee said. "You're not seeing freedom again in this lifetime, much less going through FBI files."

"I don't need them anyway," Jack said. "My guess is that it's Moss."

"No," Renee said. "How dare you try to throw the blame on…"

"I know maybe five people here, so he would be my most likely choice," Jack said. He leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. "Sleep deprivation is against the rules of conduct," he said. "Prisoners are to be allowed 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep."

"If you give us Almeida you may escape execution, Jack," Renee said.

Jack's lips curled. "Who says I want to?" he asked.

"I don't think you want to die," Renee said.

"I don't want to live in prison," Jack said.

"Then give us Almeida," Renee said. "You won't go down for treason."

Jack opened his eyes. "I love this country," he said. "I always have. I did everything I was told to do. So now they want to call it treason. Now they want to wash their hands and walk away and crucify me. That's what I'm here for, the sacrificial lamb." He looked down at his chained wrists. "This is what it all comes down to," he said.

Renee felt uncomfortable talking to him like this without the anger putting up a wall between them. "You betrayed…"

"No," Jack said. "I never did."

"You let a terrorist get away, Jack," Renee said. "You joined up with him. We captured you when you got split off. We know what you were doing."

"Do you really think everything is that cut and dried?" Jack asked.

"Are you trying to make me think you were working under cover?" Renee said. "How many games are we going to play, Jack? One at a time would be good if you want to keep things straight."

"It's never that simple," Jack said. He moved his limbs a bit, as much as he could in his restraints. "You should give me somewhere to sleep for a couple hours," he said. "And I'd love a cigarette."

Renee laughed, and she was surprised to find it wasn't an entirely cruel laugh. "How about a glass of champagne and some caviar?" she asked.

"Just a glass of water," Jack said.

And somehow in that moment Renee realized with near certainty what she had always sensed: that the man she saw here wasn't a terrorist, and as much as she wanted him to be a traitor, she didn't really believe he was that either. He was someone who had done all sorts of terrible things and made a lot of bad decisions, but he wasn't evil. Damn him, she thought, she had been right about him from the beginning. "I'll have a couple agents take you to a room," she said. "You'll have water and food. You have an hour to rest. If you try to escape you will be shot. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Jack said.

Renee got a couple of men to undo his bonds, help him out of the chair, and get him down the hall to another room with a cot, bottle of water, granola bars, and a toilet. "Keep him under watch," she said to the agents with guns that she posted outside the room. "If he tries anything, shoot him," she said. She stood there for a moment and watched him drain the bottle of water, and then she turned and walked away.

* * * * *

An hour later she returned with a sandwich from the local deli and another bottle of water. Part of her expected him to be gone, and that part was disappointed when she saw him lying on his back on the cot, his eyes open, gazing at the ceiling. The other part of her was relieved to find that he was still there.

When she walked into the room he sat up, and she saw the respect in him, respect even for someone who hadn't shown the same to him, someone who had told him terrible lies just to watch it hurt him. Renee handed him the bag with the sandwich and the bottle of water and then sat down beside him on the cot. He opened the bag and looked inside. "Thank you," he said.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Renee said.

"There's nothing to apologize for," he said, taking out the sandwich. "It was a good interrogation."

"No, it wasn't," Renee said.

Jack looked at her. "You're good," he said. "You're going to be great. Don't let this inside you. This isn't anything."

Renee smiled. "You're playing me," she said.

"I haven't lied to you," Jack said.

"Give me Almeida," Renee said.

"You don't need him," Jack said. "This isn't about him. You have to find the mole."

"Damn it, Jack, I have to get Almeida back," Renee said. She stood up. "I lost him because I trusted you, and you betrayed that trust. If I don't get him back that's it for me. There won't be any chance to be great."

"Your instincts were right about me," Jack said. "And I'm telling you now that you don't need Almeida. If you had him you would only be hurting our chances of fixing the mess this country is in." Renee shook her head and turned away. "Agent Walker, listen to me," he said. "I swear to you on my wife's grave." Renee turned back to him at the sound of his painful seriousness. "If bringing Tony Almeida back would solve any of this, I would do it myself. But it wouldn't. This isn't about friendship or terrorism. It's about the security of this nation."

"I wish I could believe you, Jack," Renee said.

"Then do it," Jack said. "There's no time for uncertainty. We have to find the mole and we have to get this fixed. We're running out of time."

Renee wanted to say: There is no we, but she couldn't. "I want something from you," she said.

"If I can give it to you, I will," Jack said.

Renee walked over to the cot and sat down beside him, close, too close, just to find out if what she sensed was true really was. Jack looked at her, and she knew he knew what she was thinking of. She gave him a moment to decide, a few seconds, and then a few more. He sat there and looked in her eyes, and she looked in his. His decision was clear, but she knew he wouldn't make the move…not now. So she did, touching his cheek lightly, and then bringing her lips to his firmly. He responded smoothly, easily, and Renee was relieved for that simple moment of intimacy. The kiss was warm but brief, and Renee leaned back and smiled. "Don't get any ideas," she said.

"I wouldn't," Jack said.

"You're an exceptional liar," Renee said.

"You're a exceptional judge of character," Jack said.

Renee smiled. "Enough of the bullshit," she said. "Let's find our mole."

* * * * *

When Renee left the interrogation room, Moss was waiting for her in the hallway. "Are you going to tell me just what you think you were doing in there with Bauer?" he asked.

"Getting him to trust me," Walker said. "That's the only way it is going to work with him. He'll never open up to the hard stuff, so the only way to do it is to go in soft."

"Or maybe you're just soft on him," Moss said.

"I'm a professional, Larry," Renee said. "I'm just doing my job." She turned.

"I sure hope that's all it is," Moss said.

Renee laughed. "Don't worry, Larry," she said. "I'm not going to fall for Jack Bauer." Renee walked away, fully aware that this was exactly what she had done.


	2. Chapter 2

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 2

By Morganperidot

"There has to be something," Jack said. He sat back in his chair in the FBI conference room, pushed away the papers on the table in front of him, and looked at Renee. "Just think for a minute," he said. "There has to be someone, something that's off."

Renee sighed. They were getting nowhere looking for the mole – assuming there even was a mole. It wasn't that she doubted Jack at this point; she believed that he believed there was someone in the FBI working against them. She just didn't know if that was enough to make it true. "I already said…"

"I know what you already said," Jack said impatiently. "I'm saying there has to be something."

"And you've already said that," Renee said, meeting his frustration with her own. She pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. "Just because you keep pushing this doesn't mean that there is anything to find, Jack," she said.

"There is," Jack said. "We just aren't seeing it." He shook his head. "I don't have enough information," he said. "I don't see these people every day, so I wouldn't be as likely to know if…"

"What is it you want me to do?" Renee asked. "Should I randomly make something up so we have someone to blame? I'm not like you, Jack. I don't just do whatever comes into my head because it seems right at that second." Jack said nothing, but he didn't look away either. She knew he wasn't ashamed of his methods, so what was the point of going on about them? "I'm sorry," she said. "This just doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere."

Jack looked at the ceiling for a moment before bringing his gaze back to her. "Just sit down and take a minute to think about this," he said.

"I've taken more then a minute, Jack," Renee said. "We've been going over this for nearly an hour, and there is nothing, OK?" She pushed her chair against the table. "We can't find anything because there is nothing to find," she said. Jack said nothing just pulled the dossier of agents' activities back in front of him. Renee stared at him for a long moment, and then said, "I'm going to have to release you from FBI custody. You'll go back to the Senate hearing." Jack said nothing, just continued to look at the pictures and papers as though there could possibly have been something they missed. "Jack, listen to me," Renee said.

"I hear you," Jack said.

"This is over," Renee said.

Jack looked at her then. "I have more faith in you than you do," he said quietly. "I know you saw something or heard something, something that just hasn't clicked into place yet. I know what it's like to be in the middle of all this craziness, but you have to slow down, just for a few minutes. We have a few minutes."

Renee looked away from him and pulled her chair back out again and sat down. "I know you don't want to go back there," she said.

"This isn't about that," Jack said.

Renee looked at him. "I can get you a lawyer," she said. "I know a hotshot DC…"

"No lawyer can help with this," Jack said seriously. He looked back at her. "They need someone to take the fall. I'm going to prison. It's just a matter of when."

"It's also…"

"I won't be getting out," Jack said.

The simple straightforward way he said it gave Renee a terrible chill. "You don't know that," she said.

"Yes," Jack said softly.

Renee wanted to argue with him, but she didn't. She didn't say anything. The room was disturbingly quiet. Jack looked back at the pictures, and Renee looked at him. She didn't understand how he could be so calm, so…accepting. The silence extended. Renee fought to keep her own emotions from coming to the surface; if he could have that kind of courage she could as well. After all he was the one who… And then she saw out of the corner of her eye the pen, the pen from the most posh DC hotel in the area, the one she had seen Moss twirling in his fingers. Why did Moss have that pen? "Jack," she said.

He looked at her. "You have it?" he said.

"I have an idea," Renee said.

"OK," Jack said. He closed the folder. "So you take it from there," he said.

"What…"

"Trust your instincts," Jack said. "That's all there is in the end. You think too much, and you lose what you have. You start to doubt things that you shouldn't."

Renee just sat there. "I didn't mean I didn't want you to help me with…"

"I know," Jack said. "But you were right. This has already gone on too long. My fate is waiting for me. I've known it for a long time. I went to Africa; I thought I could get away from it, but I can't. This is what it is."

"That's garbage, Jack," Renee said. "You can fight this."

"I can't fight my country, Agent Walker," Jack said. "That would nullify everything I've done, everything I've fought for." He paused for a moment, and then he said, "We should go."

Renee said nothing, just looked at him, trying to work an angle around what he had said, but she didn't see it, not yet. "Yes," she said finally, "we should."

* * * * *

Renee didn't know how well Jack knew DC, but if he realized that she wasn't driving him to the right place he didn't say anything. He was silent throughout the drive, and she wanted to know what he was thinking but couldn't ask. So the car was silent, without even the radio on, with nothing at all but the sounds of the street.

Jack finally spoke when she pulled up outside her building. "This is a bad idea," he said.

"You don't even know for sure what 'this' is, Jack," Renee said.

"It's not taking me to Senate hearing," Jack said.

"As if that's such a great idea," Renee said. "You ran once, Jack. Why not do it again?"

"I told you," Jack said. "It will always come back to this."

They were both silent for a moment, and then Renee said, "What do you want, Jack?"

"That doesn't matter," Jack said. "I don't want you putting your career on the line to…"

"I can take care of myself," Renee said.

"I know that, but…"

"Then let me help you," Renee said. Jack just looked out the windshield silently. "I know you think you have to be a lone wolf in everything, but honestly I think I can help you with this. And I think you need help with this." He didn't respond. "You're not very good with the whole concept of asking for help are you?" she asked. Jack's mouth twitched in what might have been an attempt at a smile. "Come on, Jack," she said.

"I'm not putting another good-intentioned person in jeopardy," Jack said.

"I understand you have a code of honor…"

"It isn't about honor," Jack said. "What I did, who I am…honor doesn't play into that."

"You can't possibly believe that," Renee said.

"I've always done what I had to," Jack said. "It was never really a question of right or wrong, morality, ethics, or any kind of code. If I had to play by any set of rules I could never have done what I did. That's really the bottom line, and the one that they will never understand. I made ugly choices willingly because they needed to be made. I can't change those decisions, and I don't regret them. I knew what needed to be done, and I did it at all times and in all circumstances. And the fact that I survived is the testament to the need for those decisions."

Silently, Renee agreed that the fat cats on the Senate hearing committee would never understand. They didn't know what it was like to be under the gun with the clock ticking down to an irrevocable doomsday. Their world was black and white; Jack's was an infinite spectrum of grays. And never the twain shall meet, Renee thought. "So now, when it's about you, you're willing to give up?" she said.

"I don't really care what happens to me," Jack said. "If my country no longer needs me…"

"I don't believe that," Renee said.

"The world has gone in another direction…"

"I mean I don't believe you don't care what happens to you," Renee said. "You're a young man, Jack. You have half your life ahead of you. You're smart…you have enormous potential for the future. You can have a real life; you can have a family. Part of you has to still want that."

He was silent for a long time, but Renee sensed a different quality to that silence, a lighter quality, so she waited it out. Finally he said, "Yes."

Renee was relieved. "I know this lawyer, Genevieve Renault; she's good, and she owes me a favor," she said. "If…"

"Yes," Jack said.

Renee didn't know what button of his she had pushed, but it was a good one. "I'll make a call," she said.

"Thank you," Jack said quietly. Then he added, "You realize there's still a national security crisis."

Renee laughed. It wasn't what he said that was funny but how he said it, so matter of fact, like someone else might say the car was low on gas. "Yeah, I knew there was something I was forgetting," she said. Jack smiled slightly. "Do you want a drink before we go over there?" she asked seriously. "I can make that call, and you can load up on hearty Barbadian rum."

"I doubt that's standard operating procedure for returning someone to a Senate committee hearing," Jack said softly.

"Yeah, well, honestly, screw the SOP at this point," Renee said. She pulled the keys out of the ignition. She looked at him, and he met her gaze, but she knew that they were both thinking about the car keys. "Do you think you could make it?" Renee asked.

"There's always the possibility," Jack said. "But I doubt they would ever let me go."

"Then how about that drink?" Renee asked.

"Yeah," Jack said. He opened his door and stretched in the cold DC air. Renee walked past him and up the steps to her building. If he made a run for it she didn't care. Besides, she didn't think he would, and hopefully in the end he wouldn't need to. He was right that the world was going in a different direction, but there was still room for heroes, even an old-world hero like Jack. Renee decided that she was going to do everything she could to ensure that was the case.


	3. Chapter 3

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 3

By Morganperidot

Renee hung up the phone and looked at Jack. "She's on board," she said, referring to Genevieve Renault, the big time DC lawyer she had lined up for him.

Jack glanced at Renee from where he stood surveying her apartment like he expected some covert operative to jump out from behind the furniture. "What do you have on her?" he asked.

Renee got the bottle of Barbadian rum out of the cabinet over her stove with one hand and hooked her fingers in a couple glasses in another cabinet with the other hand. "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you," she said. When he didn't laugh or even crack a smile, she added, "That's a joke, Jack."

"It's not funny," he said.

Renee sighed and poured them each a bit of rum. She knew she should probably add something to it, like Coke or tropical fruit punch, but she didn't really feel like it. "You can sit down for a minute if…"

"We don't have time for a tea party," Jack said.

"Yeah, well, we do have time for a drink," Renee replied, finding herself annoyed with him again, which was an easy thing to do. She walked over to him and held out one of the glasses; he hesitated for a moment and then accepted it. Renee then headed over to her black-and-white sofa in her stylish black-and-white-with-a-touch-of-red living room and sat down.

Jack stood at the periphery of the room for a moment longer, then tossed back the drink and set the empty glass on her kitchen counter. "We should go," he said.

Renee rolled her eyes. Without thinking she said, "Are you like this all the time? You sure must be fun in bed." Jack just stood there, silent, and Renee wondered why in the world she said that. But of course she knew why – because she was more than a little interested in finding out for herself. "I'm sorry, but like you said in the conference room we have a few minutes…"

"That was when we were doing something important," Jack said. He wasn't looking at her, so she knew he was still annoyed about her previous comment. Of course his irritated tone told her that as well.

Renee had an idea. "Do you want to try to contact Audrey?" she asked.

Jack glared at her. "I told you to keep her out of this," he said.

"You said that in the interrogation, Jack, but this is different…"

"Nothing is different," Jack said.

"Right, because you won't let it be," Renee said. She downed the rum and grimaced as she set the glass aside. "You punish yourself more than that committee or anyone else ever could. If you want to be with her why don't you just do it?"

"You know it isn't that simple," Jack said.

"What I know is that you are a masochist," Renee said. She stood up. "You want this to all go badly so you don't have to deal with Audrey and Kim and the future. But you also want it to work out, don't you? You want that chance, that possibility. Well, you can't have it both ways, Jack. You have to decide whether you're going to fight or let it all slip away."

"You don't understand any of this," Jack said. "How could you? What have you lost?"

Renee shook her head. "You are such a jerk," she said. "You look at people, and you make these snap judgments. Maybe they're right most of the time, but this time they are dead wrong." She picked up her glass and walked over to the counter and picked up his. She put both of them in the sink and then replaced the bottle in the cabinet and closed the door. "Let's go," she said. She headed over to the door.

"So tell me where I'm wrong," Jack said quietly.

Renee turned on her heel and looked back at him. Jack was still standing where he had been, but now there was a touch of that puppy-dog sadness in his eyes. "I don't need your pity, Jack," she said.

"Who says I have any to give?" Jack replied flatly. Renee watched as he walked into the kitchen and got the glasses out of the sink. "I just know pain," he said.

"Causing it," Renee said cruelly, as she was still angry with him.

"Yeah, that," Jack said, going to the cabinet by the stove and getting down the bottle of rum. "But living it too." He started pouring the rum into the glasses, and Renee knew she should stop him – she couldn't exactly take him to the Senate committee with the two of them smelling like a rum distillery. But then she thought: Why not? She was already in trouble for her tactics at the hospital, and it seemed unlikely that he could be in any more trouble than he already was. She went back over to the sofa and sat down, and he brought the glasses of rum to her, handed her one, and then sat down at the other end of the sofa with his glass.

"I'm thinking you just wanted another drink," Renee said.

She was surprised when his lips curled in a slight smile. "Yeah, that too," Jack said. Renee took a slug of rum and grimaced again. "So tell me what I missed because of my 'snap judgments'," he said.

Renee thought about it for a moment, about the things she didn't talk about and really shouldn't talk about with him. But maybe it was true that he was one of the few people who would really understand, and because of that she started talking. "When I was 5 my parents died in a car accident," she said, looking down at the glass in her hands and not at him. "I was put in a foster home. They were good enough people, but there was never a question that I wasn't their real child." She paused and considered stopping, but it just seemed pointless now. "Of course I grew up and got past that, or tried to anyway. But I never really felt like I fit in, not until I started training in the FBI…and I met Billy." She could still see him, her wonderful Billy, with a big smile on his face. She stopped talking and finished off the rum. She could feel it hitting her, but she didn't care. Why did she have to be the responsible one all the time anyway? "On the first live case after training…"

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "Sometimes I make assumptions without thinking."

Renee felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes but she wasn't going to let them come. She had already shed too many tears for Billy over too many years. "I usually think too much," she said.

"Maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle," Jack said quietly.

Renee looked at him, and Jack met her gaze and held it. "You're a good man, Jack," she said.

"Don't get all sappy on me," Jack said.

Renee laughed. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to be all female," she said.

"I don't see how you could help it," Jack said.

Renee wasn't sure if that was a come on, but somehow, with the rum buzzing around inside of her, it felt like one. "Thank you," she said.

"I'm not totally blind," Jack replied.

Oh, this is bad, Renee thought, this is really bad. "You don't have to soften me up," she said. "I'm soft enough already." The rum was going to her head. Was she even making sense?

Jack laughed, and it was a nice sound to hear. He moved closer to her, and Renee just sat there in shock. "I don't doubt that," he said softly. "By the way, I owe you something." He touched her hair, and Renee just stared at him, feeling like a tipsy high school girl on her first serious date. She wondered how stupid the look in her eyes must be, but a second later that no longer mattered as he leaned in and touched his lips to hers. It's the rum, she thought, but she couldn't even remember seeing him drinking the second glass. And then she told herself to stop thinking so much, and she just closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment of sweet softness between them. Renee touched Jack gently as they kissed, and it was nice, so nice.

Jack brought his lips to her ear and whispered, "If there were more time…" sending shivers through her.

"There will be later," Renee told him.

"Maybe," Jack said. He stood up. "But now we really should go," he said.


	4. Chapter 4

Smoke & Mirrors: Chapter 4

By Morganperidot

After delivering Jack into the capable hands of the attorney she had secured on his behalf, Renee returned to FBI headquarters and headed for Larry Moss's office. She didn't want to believe that Larry was the mole leaking information from the FBI, but she knew it was possible. She and Larry had been close once, on the verge of intimacy perhaps, but she couldn't let that cloud her interpretation of him now.

His door was closed, and Renee stopped in front of it and knocked. When he responded to come in she pushed the door open, stepped inside, and closed it behind her. Larry was seated at his desk looking at something on his laptop screen, and he looked up when she entered. "Agent Walker," he said. "What can I do for you?"

Renee walked over to his guest chair and sat down. "I need to talk with you," she said.

"I assume you finally got Bauer back to the Senate subcommittee?" Larry said, his words tipped with sarcasm.

"Yes, I dropped Jack off a short while ago," Renee said.

"Did you come here to tell me why that took so long?" Larry asked.

"No," Renee said. "I came to ask you about this." She took the pen from the post hotel out of her pocket and set it on his desk. "I saw you with this earlier today. I was wondering why you had it."

Larry looked down at the pen, and the expression on his face darkened. "What are you implying?" he asked.

"I'm not implying anything…"

"I'm sure your friend 'Jack' already gave you some ideas," Larry said. "Just what is it that Bauer wants you to think about me? Has he pegged me as the imaginary mole he wants you to think exists here?"

Renee leaned back in the chair. She wasn't sure why he was so defensive, but she had a feeling it didn't have to do with him being the mole. "What's going on, Larry?" she asked.

Larry looked back at his computer screen. "I don't have to answer questions from you," he said. "I'm your superior here."

"Really," Renee said. "Since when do you pull rank on me?'

Larry glared at her. "Since when do you fall for some pretty-boy torturer?" he asked angrily. "Do you think everyone here hasn't seen how you look at Bauer? He has you twisted around his finger and believing everything he says. The man is an experienced liar of the highest order, and you sat around playing footsy with him."

Renee was shocked by the pure venom in his tone. "I told you that the only way to get him to be forthcoming was to play nice with him," Renee said. "And don't think I don't know you've changed the subject. I want to know what you were doing with this pen. It's part of the investigation I…"

"My activities are none of your business," Larry said. "Now get out of here."

Renee waited for a moment, and then she reached for the pen and stood up. "You can think what you want about Jack," she said. "But I trust my instincts and…"

"I doubt it's your instincts telling you what to think about Bauer," Larry said, "at least not your job instincts anyway."

"That's completely inappropriate, Larry," Renee said, her own tone taking on an edge. "Don't make the mistake of underestimating me. I know exactly what kind of person Jack Bauer is, and I am not going to be deterred from the investigation he and I started here." She headed to the door.

"A bit of advice," Larry said, and Renee could barely recognize his voice due to the ugliness of his tone. "Don't make the mistake of idolizing Bauer too much. The best thing that can happen is that he'll be put in prison for life for all the people he hurt and killed – and to keep him from doing it to others."

Renee walked out of his office and slammed the door behind her. "SOB," she said aloud.

"So you finally figured it out?" Sean Hillinger asked.

"What?" Renee asked, mostly because she was startled by Hillinger's sudden appearance in the hallway outside Larry's office.

"Well, when I saw you pick up that pen in the conference and come storming down here, I figured you knew about Larry's little meet-ups at The Palace," he said. "Now I'm thinking: not so much."

He turned away from her, but Renee grabbed his arm before he could walk away. "What meet-ups?" she asked softly but firmly. The echo of Jack Bauer's dark whisper cropping up in her own voice was not lost on her.

"Hey, no reason to wrinkle the material," Hillinger said with a smirk.

"I'm not playing games, Sean," Renee said. She backed him up against the wall of the hallway. "You can tell me what you know or your own, or I'll make you tell me – and I promise you won't like that."

"Geez, what's with the…"

"Tell me about Larry," Renee snarled. "Now."

"OK, OK, just let go," Hillinger said. Renee released him, but she didn't step back. There was a current of power running through her, and she felt like she understood some of where Jack was coming from. "You've changed, Walker," Hillinger said. "It's kind of hot, but…"

"Tell me about Larry," Renee said. "This is your last chance."

"Look, there's not much to tell," Hillinger said. "I saw him make some hook-ups with the escort girls over at the Palace. They dress all upscale and everything but you can tell, they have that look, you know?"

Renee took a step back, mostly because she was disgusted by him. "And why were you there?" she asked.

He hesitated for just a moment, but Renee caught it. "The same thing," Hillinger said. "Now as fun as this has been I have things to do." He brushed past her and headed down the hall.

Renee stood there frozen for a moment, wondering if she had really seen in Hillinger what she thought she saw or if she had just seen what she wanted to see, something that would let Larry off the hook. She knew what Jack would say: Go with your gut. And her gut was telling her that Hillinger was the mole.

Now all she had to do was convince Larry.

* * * * * * * * * *

When Renee got back to her office her cell phone was ringing. She shut the door and looked at the caller ID – which was blocked on the caller's end. She sighed. "Walker," she said.

"It's Bauer," Jack said, like he didn't have the kind of voice she could recognize anywhere.

"If it's bad news I don't want to hear it now," Renee said. She sat down in her office chair. "I just had two run-ins with Larry, and I'm not in the mood for another body blow."

"What kind of 'run-ins'?" Jack asked.

Renee told herself not to mistake his interest for concern. "Verbal," she said. "Not that I couldn't take him in a physical fight."

"I wouldn't think that," Jack said, though his tone suggested otherwise.

"I'm quite capable of handing myself, Jack," Renee said.

"I'm certain of that," Jack said, and she believed he meant it, but not necessarily in the same sense that she had. He paused a moment and then added, "I'm on my way over there."

"But you…"

"That lawyer you got kicks butt like nothing I've ever seen," Jack said. "I could have used her skills in the field."

Renee was surprised by the pang of jealousy that statement evoked. "What did Genevieve do?" she asked, trying to keep that emotion out of her tone.

"Talked me right out of this problem in a way I never thought possible," Jack said. "I thanked her but I don't think it was enough."

"You're free?" Renee asked, not wanting to hear him rave about Genevieve Renault any longer.

"For now," Jack said, but his tone wasn't as pessimistic as his words.

* * * * * * * * * *

When she heard the knock on her office door Renee walked over and opened it herself. Jack stood there, smiling, and it was an amazing thing to see. She invited him in, and Jack walked in and closed the door behind him. "I haven't thanked you yet," he said. He hit the light switch with his elbow, and the room was plunged into darkness except for the glow of the computer on her desk.

"What…" she started to say, but then Jack gently pressed her against the wall.

"Thank you," he said softly, his eyes and his lips so close to hers.

"Jack," was all she could think of to say.

He smiled again, and Renee put her hand on his hip. "Where is this going?" she asked.

"Does it matter?" Jack replied. He kissed her neck lightly, and Renee closed her eyes and held him to her. No, she thought. It didn't really matter. All that mattered was that moment, and how good it felt, and how nice it was to feel that good. Renee smiled in the darkness before his lips captured hers, and everything else seemed to fall away as time came to a brief stop in that small office in the FBI building.

When that long, deep kiss ended, Renee looked in Jack's eyes and said, "I hope this isn't how you thanked Genevieve."

Jack laughed. "I think she would have belted me if I tried," he said. He flipped on the light and then walked over to her desk and leaned against it. "So this business with Moss…you found the mole?"

At that moment the door was flung open, and Larry came into the office saying, "Renee, I…" He stopped when he saw Jack by Renee's desk. "What are you doing here?" Larry said loudly. "Do I need to call security?"

"Everything's fine," Renee said, stepping away from the wall.

"Why isn't this man at the Senate hearing?" Larry said, glaring at her.

"I was released," Jack said. "I came here to offer my help."

"Right, help," Larry said, turning his glare on Jack. "We've had quite enough of your kind of help. If the Senate subcommittee was foolish enough to let you go that isn't my business, but I won't have you here disrupting my agents."

"Everything is under control, Larry," Renee said, getting between him and Jack.

"You may think that but…"

"But I need you to come bursting in here and tell me how to do my job?" Renee asked. "I asked you to help with my investigation of the mole but you refused. So I will accept assistance from another party if I find that assistance of use."

"I want him out of here," Larry said, and he stormed out of Renee's office.

For a moment Renee and Jack just stood there looking at each other. "Maybe…" Jack started, but Renee just shut the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 5  
by Morganperidot

Renee had to go all the way to the office of the President to get clearance to have Jack work with her as a consultant. Even then Larry refused to work with him and made it clear to Renee that her future with the Bureau was contingent on her "containment of that psychotic rogue Bauer." She knew that Larry didn't approve of Jack's methods, but she was also aware that much of his dislike of Jack had to do with jealousy. That kind of unprofessionalism annoyed her. Jack said nothing about it, and Renee didn't ask him; she had a feeling he understood the situation all too well.

When she arrived at Interrogation Room 3 Jack was already inside with Sean Hillinger. Sean looked over at her when she entered. "Oh good," he said. "Now the good cop/bad cop stuff starts." Jack stood up and pulled a cigarette and matchbook out of the pocket of his beige jacket. "You can't smoke in here, tough guy," Sean said.

Jack struck a match. "You can't sell information to the enemy either," he said. Jack lit the cigarette and shook out the match. "Doesn't seem like the rules matter much around here," he said. Jack brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaled, and blew out smoke.

"Did he tell you about Dukabu?" Renee asked. "Or who his contact is?"

"We were just getting to that," Jack said. He walked around the table to where Sean was seated. "Weren't we?" He leaned close and put his hand with the cigarette next to Sean's; Sean moved his hand away but Jack's intention was clear.

Sean looked at Renee. "I know you're not going to let him burn me," he said, "so if this is all you have you better work up something new."

Jack took another hit off the cigarette, blew out the smoke, and then walked over to Renee and handed it off to her. His eyes were clear and focused, and she knew just the moment when he was going to pull his gun. "That wasn't part of the plan," she said.

"To hell with the plan," Jack said. "We don't have time to play games." He walked around the table and back next to Sean. "You can tell me who your contact is, or I will blow out one of your kneecaps," Jack said. "Your choice."

"Bull," Sean said. "Walker won't let it go that far." He looked over at Renee, and she planted the cigarette between her lips and smiled, inhaled, and blew out some smoke.

"You're forgetting something here, Sean," Renee said. "There doesn't always have to be a good cop." Jack brought the gun down and pointed it at Sean's right knee. His finger was on the trigger. Renee wasn't entirely surprised by the thrill that she felt seeing him start to pull that trigger back. "After all," she said, bringing her gaze back to Sean. "Bad is the new good."

"What's your call?" Jack asked without looking at her.

"You know the answer," Renee said.

Jack moved fast, grabbing Sean's neck with one hand and smacking his head against the wall, and pressing the gun close to Sean's knee with the other. Renee's heart was pounding hard, and her left hand was clenched so tightly that the nails were cutting into her palm. Do it, she thought. Jack squeezed the trigger and took the shot – approximately an inch to the right of Sean's knee. Renee saw Sean's eyes widen as Jack squeezed his throat with the other hand and brought the gun to Sean's lap while starting to bring the trigger back again…

"OK," Sean croaked. "OK, OK!" Jack released his neck but kept the gun aimed low. "You're nuts," Sean said. He looked at Renee. "You're both nuts," he said. He was trembling, and Renee could see the dark stain in his lap when Jack moved away. Sean tried to recover some of his macho attitude, but it was clear he had been shaken to the core.

And he gave Jack and Renee the information they needed.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dubaku had set himself up in a warehouse, and Jack and Renee went in with guns blazing…along with limited FBI back-up. Jack went first and took out the few men Dubaku had assembled; Renee was on his heels covering him. Dubaku found his way out a back door, and they chased him into the alley behind the warehouse. Jack was finally able to corner him and take him down, and Renee slapped the cuffs on him. It was only after he was taken away by a couple of the other agents that Renee saw the grimace on Jack's face as he took a limping step. There was a bloodstain on his upper left pant leg.

Renee put her gun away. "You're hit," she said, walking over to him.

"You should go with Dubaku," Jack said, wincing as he continued to walk back down the alley.

"He's contained," Renee said. "Let me see your leg."

"Someone needs to keep an eye on him," Jack said. "We can't just…"

"Shut up and let me see your leg," Renee said.

Jack stopped walking but didn't look at her. Renee kneeled down next to him and examined the bloodstain. It was clearly a gunshot wound. "Did it go in?" she asked.

"I'll take care of it," Jack said.

"Oh, sure," Renee said, standing up. "What are you going to do, burn a knife and dig it out yourself? Should I get you a bottle of whiskey and a leather strap?"

Jack looked at her. "That has potential," he said.

"Great," Renee said. "But I'm taking you to the hospital first."

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee called Larry from the waiting room while Jack was being examined by an emergency department doctor. "After we finish our interrogation here we'll hand him over to Homeland," Larry said about Dubaku. "You should be here for this."

Renee had heard the same thing from Jack in the car, and she wasn't in the mood to have another man tell her what to do. "I'll be there after I find out how Jack is," she said.

"Hopefully this injury will keep him sidelined for a while," Larry said, barely masking the glee from his voice at this possibility.

Renee was annoyed. "We wouldn't have Dubaku if it weren't for Jack," she said.

"We would have gotten him," Larry said. "Bauer isn't some kind of superhero. There isn't anything that I – we couldn't do without him and his sleazy methods."

Renee was silent for a moment, because she had just realized how happy Larry would have been if Jack had been killed rather than just wounded. She didn't know if she would be able to continue to work with him. "We'll talk when I get back," she said, and she shut off the phone. When she looked up she saw Jack headed toward her.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked, and Renee assumed he was reading something in her face. "Is Dubaku…"

"Everything is under control," Renee said, slipping her phone into a pocket of her navy suit. "Do you need surgery?" she asked.

"The bullet didn't lodge," Jack said. "They just cleaned it out and sewed it up." He turned toward the door, but when she didn't move he turned back. "What?" he asked. "Let's go."

"Did you get any pain meds?" Renee asked. He looked three shades paler than usual. She figured he probably had the doctor sew him up without any local anesthetic and then refused pain medication.

"I'm fine," Jack said, the annoyance clearly brewing in him.

"Sit down for a few minutes," Renee said softly, trying not to cause a scene.

"I've been sitting down," Jack said. "This is all a waste of time…"

"You know what, Jack, I'm sick of that crap," Renee said. "You can take five goddamn minutes to sit your butt down and rest after being shot. The world is not going to fall apart. I'm sick of you and Larry and all of this BS. Either you sit down, or I will blow a hole in your other leg and make sure that you do." The waiting room had fallen silent, and Jack just looked at her for a moment longer, then slid into one of the nearby chairs.

"A few hours ago I wouldn't have taken that threat seriously," he said quietly, as some of the people who had turned to stare started looking away.

"You still don't, but thank you," Renee said, taking a seat beside him.

"Who were you on the phone with?" Jack asked.

"Larry," Renee said.

"And if this isn't about Dubaku," Jack said, "it's about me."

"Jack…"

"It's time for me to take myself out of the equation," Jack said. Renee looked at him but he didn't meet her gaze. "I'm only going to cause trouble for you. Moss isn't going to let this go, and he probably shouldn't."

"I don't need you to make sacrifices for me, Jack," Renee said. "I can make my own decisions."

"I know," Jack said, "but I can see where this is headed."

Renee looked away from him. "And that isn't what you want," she said.

Jack was silent, and she had no idea what he was thinking. "Renee, I respect you too much to…"

Renee just stood up and walked away.

* * * * * * * * * *

Back in her office, Renee put in a request for transfer. She didn't care where it was to, just as long as she could get away from national politics and office politics – and where she had spent time with Jack Bauer. The sooner she put all of that behind her, the better.

Larry walked into her office. "What is this?" he asked, waving a sheet of paper that Renee assumed had to do with her request for transfer.

"It's pretty clear, Larry," she said.

"You're my best agent…"

"I've been compromised here," Renee said evenly. "I need to start over."

"With Bauer out of the picture…"

"This isn't about Jack," Renee said. "It's about me being here. I need to get out. You're going to have to accept that, Larry. It's my final decision."

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee didn't hear from Jack during the days leading up to her transfer, and she made no attempt to contact him. It was better this way, she told herself; let him slip away into the shadows the way he wanted to. She would get over him easily enough; after all she had only known him a matter of hours anyway. That was what she told herself, and yet she still found herself looking for him, expecting him to show up at any moment. She tried to tell herself she wasn't that disappointed when time passed and he didn't come, but she knew she was.

The Bureau transferred her to the field office in Manhattan, and Renee packed up her things and moved to an old walk-up building that was a relatively short subway ride away from her new office building. More time passed, like it does, not in a bad way, but not in an especially good one either. Renee did her job, and she did it well. When she wasn't doing it she filled her time with new friends, but she didn't get too close to anyone. She had cut off all contact with the past and made only surface contacts with the present. It was the best way, she told herself, as she spent her nights alone.

She didn't think about Jack. At first it had taken a concentrated effort, but of late he simply didn't cross her mind. It wasn't that she had forgotten him or his touch, his kiss, or the hopes she had for the two of them. She had just slammed the lid on so tight and buried him so deep that she no longer missed him. That was what she wanted after all, wasn't it?

On a sunny Saturday in July Renee dressed casually in a blue t-shirt and her best broken-in jeans and started walking toward the nearest subway entrance. There was a new exhibit she wanted to see at the Museum of Modern Art, and she wasn't thinking of much other than that and how nice the day was when she felt a presence behind her. It didn't feel like a necessarily threatening presence, but she prepared herself for a fight regardless. When they had gone another block and the presence hadn't closed in, Renee stopped and turned.

Jack stopped too, and he stood there, looking amazingly buff in a black t-shirt and jeans with dark sunglasses hiding his eyes. "Agent Walker, I need your help," he said.

Renee smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 6

By Morganperidot

Renee and Jack went back to Renee's New York City apartment. She let Jack in and then watched as he surveyed the big, bright, open space that made up her dining room and living room, the kitchen on the end, and the short hall that led to her small-but-comfortable bedroom and single bathroom. There were plenty of windows that let the sun in at the right times of day and through which she could enjoy the moon and stars at night. "Nice place," Jack said.

"Yeah, I was lucky to find it," Renee said. "It had just become available when I was looking for something." She went into the kitchen and filled a couple of glasses with the rum she had once drunk with Jack in DC.

Jack smiled when she handed him a glass. "Thanks," he said.

"How's your leg?" Renee asked, referring to the spot where he had been wounded when they went after Dubaku several months earlier.

"It healed pretty well," Jack said. "There's a scar though." Renee's first impulse was to ask to see it, but she didn't. It wasn't that she didn't want to see it; she wanted to see a lot of him. But she figured the moment had passed on that…if it had ever existed. "Do you want me to leave?" Jack asked.

Renee was a little stunned. "What?" she said.

"If you don't want me around, I'll go," Jack said.

"I understand that," Renee said. "I just don't get why you'd think I don't want you around."

Jack laughed humorously and walked over to one of her big windows. "It's a situation I'm used to," he said as he looked out at The City. "People only want me around in a crisis. When everything settles, I'm a liability. I walked back into your life uninvited. If you want me to walk back out, tell me now."

It was an ugly self-image to have, and for a moment Rene wasn't sure how to respond to it. "We're friends, Jack," she said finally, but it didn't feel like the right thing to say.

"We were colleagues," Jack said, still looking out the window.

"I don't normally kiss my colleagues," Renee said. She took a sip of rum and drank in the muscular firmness of Jack's arms and back.

"That didn't make us friends," Jack said.

"Did you come here to argue with me?" Renee asked.

Jack looked at her. "I came here to apologize," he said.

"Well, you're doing a damn lousy job of it," Renee said.

The look in Jack's eyes softened. "I'm sorry," he said.

"That's a little better," Renee said. She sighed and sat down on her sofa.

"You haven't really answered my question though," Jack said.

"Which was?" Renee asked.

"Do you want me here?" Jack said.

Renee looked at him. "Only if you promise to take your clothes off this time," she said.

Jack looked at her seriously. "You're trying to defuse me," he said, as though she were a negotiator in a hostage situation.

"How am I doing?" Renee asked.

Jack polished off his drink and walked over to the sofa. He set his glass on an end table. "Not bad," he said. "I used to be good at that once. Now all I can do is light fuses."

"I really doubt that's all you can do," Renee said.

Jack sat on the other end of the sofa. "OK, you're very good at it," he said. Renee just smiled and sipped her drink. After a silent moment Jack asked, "Did you leave DC because of me?"

"Partly, but you were mostly just the last straw," Renee said.

"I have that effect on people too," Jack said. The look in his eyes turned serious again. "Did Moss make things uncomfortable for you?" he asked.

"I was uncomfortable working with Larry, but it had more to do with how he behaved when you were there than after you left," Renee said. "And then he tried to block my transfer, and I knew I was doing the right thing getting out of there."

"He has a thing for you," Jack said.

"He let his emotions get in the way of how he did his job," Renee said. She finished her drink and set the glass aside. "We both know better than to do that."

"Do we?" Jack said. Renee looked at him and into his blue eyes…and avoided the question. She picked up her glass and his and walked to the kitchen.

"Do you want something to eat?" Renee asked. Jack didn't answer, but he followed her into the kitchen. Renee didn't see much in the refrigerator, and she remembered that she was supposed to go buy some things on her way back from the museum that she never went to because Jack had tracked her down on the way. She shut the refrigerator door. "There's a great pizza place on the corner," Renee said.

"I'm not hungry," Jack said.

"You do eat, right?" Renee said. "I mean I've never actually seen you eat anything."

Jack walked over to her and leaned against the refrigerator. "When are we going to stop dancing around this?" he asked.

"We can stop now," Renee said. She moved closer to him, closer to his warmth and his intense magnetism. She slid her arms around him, and their lips met…and that was when his cell phone started ringing.

Jack broke off the kiss. "Damn it," he said. He pulled the phone out of the pocket of his jeans and looked at the caller ID. "I have to take this," he said.

"Of course," Renee said. "The bat signal summons." Jack gave her a look she couldn't decipher and walked away talking on the phone. Renee sighed. She wondered why she hadn't gotten the message already. She and Jack Bauer weren't meant to be. It just wasn't going to happen.

Jack shut off his phone and walked over to her. "They have the target located," he said. "Chloe has com…"

"So that's really why you're here, in New York," Renee said.

"I have to deal with this situation," Jack said, "and I need your help."

"Right," Renee said. "You need me to be available to help you with some target and if you have time to make a pit stop for a screw while you're waiting…"

"Damn it, that is not why I came here, and it is not why…"

"I don't need any more BS from you, Jack," Renee said. "I have a good life now, and I don't need you coming in and blowing it all apart."

"So you aren't…"

"No, I'm not," Renee said fiercely, her anger bubbling over. "I'm not going with you and playing your dirty little end-justifies-the-means games again. Get the hell out of here, and don't ever come back around me again."

They stood there looking at each other for a moment in silence. Then Jack simply said, "Copy that," and left the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Renee continued to stand there, staring at the door, terribly angry – both at Jack and at herself. She felt the tears start to prick the backs of her eyes, but she fought them back. Instead of standing there and crying over her own stupidity she got her jacket and her gun and went after Jack.

* * * * * * * * * *

Surprisingly, the Manhattan FBI office had been notified of Jack's "situation" and knew where it was going down. Jack had two agents with him, good men, and Renee knew that it was probably pointless for her to get involved. However, when she got to the location she found the two agents dead and a gunfight in progress between Jack and more bad guys than they had expected. Renee stood there for a moment thinking she would have to be crazy to go into that. But Jack was outnumbered, cornered, and running out time, and no, she couldn't let things happen like that. She drew her gun and went in.

A bullet flew by her shoulder, and Renee pivoted and picked off the gunman with one shot. She took a few steps forward and spotted Jack, his back to the wall, barely protected by some boxes in front of him that were getting more torn up by the second. He was still firing off shots, but he didn't seem to have a strategy in mind. Renee worked her way over to him, trying to catch his eyes on the way, but he was too absorbed in the moment and trying not to get killed. A couple of the enemy closed in to where Jack was, and Renee drew down and fired, taking out both of them. Jack looked over then and saw her; she waved him over, and they both fired on the enemy as he ran to her. He pointed up, and she nodded; they got to the stairs and made their way up to an office on the next floor. Jack kicked in the door and went in high while Renee took low – or tried to – when the target fired on them and Jack pushed her back out the door. Standing in front of Renee, Jack shot the target in the chest, and he went down. Jack pulled Renee out of the doorway. "Target is secure," he said.

* * * * * * * * * *

At the Manhattan FBI headquarters Renee saw Jack slip through the door of a stairwell and out of sight. She went after him and called out his name, but he continued down the stairs. "Damn it, Jack, stop," she said, running down the stairs. He finally hesitated, stopped, and turned toward her. "I thanked you for your help, Agent Walker," he said.

"We need to talk, Jack," Renee said, trying to catch her breath.

"It's all been said," Jack said. He turned and took a step down.

"I don't think so," Renee said.

"I am what everyone thinks I am," Jack said. He went down a few more steps.

"Are you who I thought you were?" Renee asked. Jack looked back at her but he didn't respond, and Renee saw this for what it could be: their last moment together, the last time they would look at each other, the last opportunity to say something that wasn't about causing pain. "Come back to my place and talk with me, Jack," she said.

"We tried that," Jack said.

"So we try it again," Renee said.

Jack looked down the stairs and then back at her. "What's the point of this?" he asked.

Renee walked down to the stair he was standing on. "You know the answer to that," she said.

Jack looked away from her. "You were right to throw me out of there," he said. "Backtracking on that is a mistake."

"So then this is it," Renee said. "This is good-bye." He looked at her, and she looked straight into his blue eyes and said, "Is that what you really want? Because it isn't what I want."

"Yes," Jack said, but Renee sensed it was a lie. She pushed him against the wall of the stairwell…and he made no move to resist.

"Tell me the truth, Jack," Renee said. "Just tell me something that's true and not this world-saving, posturing BS."

Jack held her gaze. "What is it you think you want to hear?" he asked.

"What you really want," Renee said.

"I don't want anything," Jack said.

Renee stepped back from him. "So this is how you really are, isn't it?" she said. "You really are this empty all the way to the core. There may be some residual pain from the past, but there's no future with you anymore, is there Jack? There's just…nothing. And that's just fine with you, isn't it?" She shook her head and headed back up the stairs.

"No," Jack said.

Renee stopped and hesitated for a moment before turning. "No, what?" she said.

"It's not fine," Jack said.

"So what do we do?" Renee said.

Jack was silent for a moment. "I haven't eaten all day," he said finally. "I hear there's a great pizza place on a corner somewhere."

"Yeah," Renee said. "I hear that too." She headed back down the stairs, passed Jack, and felt relief flood through her when his footsteps followed hers.


	7. Chapter 7

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 7

By Morganperidot

"Damn good pizza," Jack said. He wiped his mouth with one of the paper napkins.

"I figured you liked it when you were on your fourth slice," Renee said. She looked down at the box from Ray's Pizzeria – the wonderful pizza joint on the corner near her New York City apartment – and smiled at the two slices left from the decimated large pizza with everything on it. They were sitting on the floor of her big open living room, leaning against her sofa with the big pizza box and what remained of the six-pack of beer they had picked up from a local grocery store on the floor between them. "You should try eating more than once a year," Renee added.

"I'll think about it," Jack said. He set his third empty beer bottle into the six-pack holder. He stretched and sighed. "So, I suppose we have to do that talking now."

"Is there something you would rather do?" Renee said.

Jack smiled, but he didn't take the bait. "I'm not a good talker," he said.

"Because you're so tense and guarded all the time," Renee said.

"I have good reason to be," Jack replied. He glanced at her, and Renee saw the wariness in his eyes. She knew it wasn't going to be easy to get him to open up, even if he wanted to. He had built up so many walls between himself and the rest of the world that she wondered if it were even possible to get through all of them anymore. And if she did…what would she find inside? That worried her as much as the process of getting there.

Renee had an idea. "Would you like a massage?" she asked.

Surprise flickered in Jack's eyes. "What?"

"You know, a massage," Renee said. "I took a course in massage therapy. It was a while ago now, but I think I still remember some of it."

Jack looked at her for a moment longer. "Seriously?" he said.

Renee smiled. "Yeah, seriously," she said. "Well?"

"I've had people tell me I've needed therapy before, but they've never suggested that," Jack said.

"Well, you seem like someone who has a serious need to have his…knots loosened," Renee said.

Jack laughed. "Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me," he said. "So what do we do?"

"First," Renee said, grabbing his cell phone off the sofa, "we do this." She pushed the power button to turn the phone off and then threw it back on the sofa.

"Do you have anything else on you?" Renee asked.

"Nothing that I want turned off," Jack said.

Renee smiled. "OK," she said. "Take off your shirt."

Jack reached for the bottom of his black t-shirt and pulled it up over his head. Renee was amazed that he hadn't needed any additional prompting. If all it took for him to strip when asked was half a large pizza and some cheap beer, she would be sure to keep the two on hand…assuming he was ever going to be there again, that is. She knew she was taking too long admiring his buff chest and arms and his tattoos, but she couldn't help it. "Are we going to do this?" Jack asked.

Renee brought her gaze back to his eyes, and she realized she wasn't sure if he meant more than a massage, but she wasn't going to take the chance. "Yeah," she said. She stood up and held out her hand, helping him up off the floor. She liked the feeling of his firm grasp on her hand. As they stood there for a few seconds facing each other, still holding hands, she fought the urge to pull him to her…as he made no move to pull her to him. Instead she reluctantly released his hand before leading him to the bedroom, where she turned on some soft music and dimmed the lights a bit.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Jack asked in that serious tone that confused the hell out of her.

"I'm trying to help you relax," Renee said. She peeled her eyes away from his chest again and looked over at the bed. It was a mess because she refused to make it each morning just to tear it apart every night. She pulled the sheet and comforter off the bed and waved Jack over. He slid off his shoes and socks and lay front down on the bed, his face turned to the left side, where she was standing.

"How's this?" he asked.

"That's fine," Renee said.

"So you're a professional?" Jack said.

"What?" Renee said, stopping in her progress toward the bed.

"You have professional massage training," Jack said.

"Yes," Renee said. "Just close your eyes and be quiet."

"Copy that," Jack said quietly.

Renee moved close to the bed – and hesitated for a moment before touching him. She wasn't sure what she was doing or where this was leading; did she want to become seriously involved with him? Was he serious about any of this? Was she anything more to him than someone along the road with whom he did some missions and if the moment was right shared a kiss?

"Is everything OK?" Jack asked without opening his eyes.

"Yeah," Renee said.

Jack opened his eyes. "That's not very convincing," he said. "Maybe…"

"Close your eyes," Renee said again. After a moment, Jack did so, and Renee leaned over and put her hands on him gently, the pads of her fingertips against the soft skin of his upper back. And then she dug into the tightly wound muscles of his shoulders and back, her fingers finding a natural rhythm with the music. It took a while, but his muscles eventually loosened, and he started breathing more evenly. Renee had some time to further admire the beauty of Jack's body…when she realized he had fallen asleep. "Jack?" she said quietly, but there was no response. Perfect, Renee thought. She finally had the man half-naked on her bed, and he was sound asleep. She just looked at Jack for a moment longer and then walked quietly out of the bedroom.

Renee picked up the pizza box and the empty beer bottles and put them by the door to take out to the trash in the morning. She sighed and walked over to her big window that looked out on nighttime in Manhattan. She looked at the stars and thought about making a wish, but she wasn't sure what it was that she wanted. It felt right to have Jack around, but she knew he was a bad influence on her professionally, and personally…if there even was such a thing as 'personally' with him. Should she even want there to be? Renee didn't know. It was all too confusing and too difficult, and she didn't think it should be that way.

Renee glanced back at the bedroom. Jack deserved a good rest; she wasn't going to interrupt that. Instead, she picked up the fleece blanket at the end of the sofa, tossed his cell phone and her shoes on the floor, curled up on the sofa, and pulled the blanket over herself, then snagged one of the pillows for under her head and closed her eyes.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee woke to the smells of breakfast; she identified at least eggs, cheese, and coffee. She opened her eyes and stretched before remembering that she had been sleeping on the sofa in her apartment after Jack had fallen asleep on the bed. She sat up and rolled her shoulders and her head to try to get out the kinks.

"You should have woken me," Jack said. He set a plate of food and a mug on her round dining room table. His black t-shirt was back on, covering that nice chest and back.

"You needed the rest," Renee said. She walked over to the table. "You didn't have to do all this."

"It's the least I could do," Jack said softly.

Renee smiled. "Thank you," she said.

Jack went back into the kitchen, and Renee gazed down at the omelet on her plate. She glanced back at Jack and meditated on his current gentleness, wondering what he was like when he was first married and when his daughter was born. He brought another plate and mug over to the table. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, I was just…thinking," Renee said. She sat down and picked up a fork to dig into the omelet.

"About me," Jack said, sitting down on the chair next to hers.

"Yes," Renee said. She tasted the eggs, cheese, and mushrooms of the omelet. It was unbelievably good. They ate in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't a bad silence; it had a comfortable center to it, although there was tension on the edges.

When she finished the omelet and reached for a mug of coffee, Jack spoke. "I've been a mess for a long time," he said.

Renee could hear in his voice how difficult the admission was. "We don't have to do that, Jack," she said.

"I do," Jack said. "I need to do something." Renee sipped the coffee and waited. "I'm not a monster…"

"I know that," Renee said.

"No, you don't," Jack said, and she met his troubled gaze. "I have been a monster. I've needed to be. I've needed to let every ounce of humanity go, and I did welcome that, being empty, brutally, viciously empty. I needed that. It kept me functioning. It kept me alive. I became this destructive machine, and that was what I wanted to be. I don't regret what I did or who I was. I know I saved lives, and the bottom line was that I needed to be how I was to do that." He looked away from her toward the window. "But I can feel it falling apart," he said. "The past is leaking in. I think about things, remember things, and the pieces don't fit together right anymore. I know I can't do this much longer; I can't be this. But there's nothing else for me to be."

"I don't believe that," Renee said flatly.

Jack looked at her. "You don't know…"

"No, you don't know," Renee said. "You don't know what I see right now, Jack. You can't see the man that I see."

"A useless man," Jack said.

"A man with enormous potential to rediscover and reinvent himself," Renee said.

Jack didn't meet her gaze. "I don't understand why you didn't just let me slip away last night at the Bureau HQ," Jack said. "Why bring me back here? Why stay involved in this?"

"You're not so easily discarded…"

"Yes, I am," Jack said. "They had a whole Senate subcommittee set up to show that."

"That subcommittee was about an issue, Jack," Renee said. "And yes, I know you were embroiled in that issue for a long time. But you are more than that issue. You are a person, and you are a good person…"

"That's so simplistic…"

"It's simple," Renee said, "but it isn't simplistic. You are not this issue, and you are not just the things you have done. You have more to you…"

"You hardly know me," Jack said. "How can you say that?"

"Because I feel it," Renee said. "And because I trust my instincts." She smiled, and tried to lighten the mood. "And because you make a damn good omelet," she said.

"Thank you," Jack. "It's one of my few nonlethal skills."

Silence descended, and Renee saw the crossroads again: move together or move apart? That close to him, it was something of a no-brainer. There were a thousand what-ifs and roads to regret…but Renee was tired of second-guessing. She put her hand over his on the table, and Jack met her gaze. His hand was warm under hers. After a moment she saw him nod slightly, and she stood up and walked to the bedroom. Once inside, she pulled off her shirt…and Jack came up behind her and pulled her against him. He kissed her neck and ran his hands over her chest and down to the zipper of her jeans. Renee turned and faced him…and they meshed together in a passionate kiss that set her blood on fire. When they moved apart again Renee could see the flames reflected in Jack's eyes. He yanked his shirt off, and she pulled him back to her, feeling herself spiraling out of control, swept up in the heat and the need to touch him and be touched by him. When they were divested of their clothes, they somehow found their way to the bed, and Renee was consumed by the inferno of their lovemaking.


	8. Chapter 8

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 8

By Morganperidot

Renee woke slowly and stretched on her bed. She felt good, really good, and for a moment she didn't recall what had happened. And then she remembered…Jack. She remembered all of it, how he looked, felt, and smelled – and the warmth of his body against hers. She looked at the other side of the bed; it was empty. She wasn't really surprised. He was probably in the shower or the other room or…gone. He was probably gone. She was pretty damn sure that was the case, but she called out for him anyway, "Jack?" There was no reply, and Renee pulled the bedclothes around her and sat up on the bed. She didn't hear any sounds from the bathroom or from the main rooms. She sat there a moment longer listening to nothing, then got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Once dressed she went out into the main rooms of her apartment and saw how Jack had tidied things up; not only was his phone gone, but so were the pizza box and beer bottles from the night before, and the breakfast dishes from that morning. There was no trace left of the time they had spent together; he had effectively erased everything – except for her memories of course, and she remembered all of it, whether he wanted her to or not.

Renee glanced over at the big windows of her apartment. The sun was shining in brightly; it was still only the afternoon. He had made her breakfast and they had made love, and then he had held her in his arms while she drifted off. Renee just stood there and shook her head. Was she really that much of a fool? Had she really thought he had spilled his guts to her so they could bond and live happily ever after? It was plain and simple; he had misled her with his openness, and she had fallen for it like some naïve fool. Then he had slipped out of her apartment and out of her life.

Renee knew it would be convenient if that were the truth, but it wasn't. Jack hadn't made any move to seduce her; if anything he had given her every opportunity to cut him loose before things went too far. She was the one who had insisted on taking things all the way…so she had no one to blame but herself. However, it would have been nice if he had at least said good-bye. Renee sighed. It was likely Jack wanted to avoid another emotional scene and having to pretend that this really meant something to him. She knew he liked her, but there was likely nothing more to it than that. He probably didn't want there to be, and she wasn't really sure what she wanted. The idea of being with Jack, really being with him in some kind of full-time relationship, was a truly troublesome idea for her. But the idea of having him gone from her life forever was troublesome as well.

Renee had the day off, but she was too wired to just stick around the apartment. Instead she decided to go in to the office. If nothing else, work would take her mind off Jack, and that was what she needed.

* * * * * * * * * *

Once again, time passed as it does. Days became weeks, and Renee heard nothing from Jack. She knew he was gone for good, but sometimes when the phone rang she still thought it might be him, and once in a while she still stopped and turned around while walking, expecting to see him coming up behind her. She knew she had to accept that this was really the end of it between them; there was nowhere to go from where they had gone. Still, hope is a hard thing to kill, and she hung on to it, even if only subconsciously.

Renee threw herself into her work again and excelled at it – leading teams during hostage situations, recovering stolen guns, and tracking down dangerous criminals across state lines. She began to receive serious recognition within the Bureau, so when Renee's boss asked to see her one day when she first came into the office, she wasn't surprised. There was a rumor that she was going to be getting an official award from as high up as the White House, and it was likely that her boss, Special Agent Lucy Madison, would want to speak with her about it privately first.

After being told to come in, Renee walked into Agent Madison's office and closed the door. "Renee, have a seat," Madison said. Renee was a little surprised to hear her boss call her by her first name; Madison was very conservative most of the time and didn't deal with agents on a personal level. Renee nodded, sat down in one of Madison's guest chairs, and looked at the older brunette woman across from her. "You worked with Jack Bauer," Madison said.

Renee was surprised to hear Jack's name out of the blue after all this time. Did he need their help again? Did he need her? "Yes," she said. "We worked together briefly."

"Both in DC and here," Madison said.

"Yes," Renee said.

"Did you know he was in Pakistan this week?" Madison asked.

This conversation was starting to make Renee uncomfortable. "No," she said. "What's going on?"

"It's my understanding the two of you worked closely together," Madison said.

"Look, if he's done something, I don't know anything about it," Renee said. She wasn't about to have her career thrown under the bus now when things were going so well, especially since she didn't have any idea what Jack was up to. Madison was silent for a moment, and Renee's discomfort increased. "I haven't spoken with Jack in more than a month," Renee said. "I don't know anything about what he's been doing."

"I'm not looking for information," Madison said. "Something has happened, and I thought I should tell you before you heard rumors elsewhere."

Something has happened, Renee thought, echoing Madison's words. She knew what that usually meant; it was a euphemism for something going wrong in the field. She also knew that a thousand things could go wrong as far as Jack was concerned; why did Madison think she should be told about it? Did she suspect an intimate relationship between the two of them? Could someone even call what they had a relationship? Renee waited for Madison to go on.

"There was a terrorist threat against the US Embassy in Pakistan," Madison continued. "Jack Bauer was part of a covert operation there…under the radar, of course." She paused, but Renee said nothing. "They believed they had tracked the terrorists to their headquarters, and they went there," Madison said. "While they were there a large amount of C-4 was detonated." She paused for a moment, and then added, "There were no survivors."

Renee just sat there looking at Madison, trying to piece together what she was trying to tell her. "They recovered the bodies?" she said quietly.

"The site was secured," Madison said. "Renee, you have to understand that the bodies were not recognizable."

"So, it's not really clear…"

"Bauer was there," Madison said. "The entire team was lost." Renee didn't respond; she couldn't think of anything to say. She couldn't think of anything at all. "If you want to take some time, I think that…"

Renee stood up. "I have an operation to prep," she said. "I have things to take care of."

"Renee…"

"I'm fine," Renee said. She walked to the door and out of the office, and then continued at a steady clip to her office where she entered and shut the door. She stood there for a moment in the darkness and closed her eyes against the flood of thoughts that wanted to come into her consciousness. After a moment she walked over to her desk and looked at her computer. It took a little work but she was able to track down Jack's latest cell phone number. She took out her phone and punched it in…but there was nothing, not even a ring. The line was absolutely dead – like Jack. Renee shook her head. That was BS; there was no way Jack was killed by some bomb in Pakistan; it didn't make any sense. She sent an e-mail to a hacker informant of hers for something, anything, on Jack. She looked at the screen waiting for a response. It came back quickly enough: Reported dead, Pakistan, 06:53. Dig? Renee responded back: Yes. But she didn't wait to see more. She shut off the machine and left her office, unsure of where she should go.

* * * * * * * * * *

After wandering the streets of Manhattan for a while, Renee found herself at her apartment building. She hesitated outside, thinking about going into the place where she had spent her only intimate moments with Jack. She still didn't entirely believe that he was gone, but she knew that it was more likely true than not. Jack was like a cat with nine lives, but even that is a finite number. The way he was going, there was no question that Jack would wind up dead sooner rather than later. But the idea of his life being extinguished, of the warmth and magnetism of his being gone from the world forever…those were things Renee was still unwilling to face.

She went up to her apartment and closed the door, then stood there looking around for a few minutes, at the kitchen, the table, the floor by the sofa, and the hallway to the bedroom. "Why didn't you stay?" she asked aloud quietly. "We could have figured something out. Damn it, Jack…" The tears came then, filling her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. "Damn you," she whispered. She slid down to the floor and sat there with her hands of her face, so angry at him and herself and the world with all of its ugliness. Why had fate thrown the two of them together? Why had she insisted on making that connection deeper? And why the hell had she let herself fall in love with him?

Renee laughed humorlessly. She had been in love once, with another FBI trainee named Billy Sanders, so long ago now that it seemed like something she had seen in a movie. Billy was a wonderful man, quick to laughter, his eyes always shining with love. There had been no doubt in Renee's mind that he was the one she would be with forever; back then she had still believed in forever as something that was real and obtainable. She had believed she was going to be Billy's wife, and they were going to have kids, raise their family, grow old together, and live the kind of normal, blissful life that all good people deserved.

But that never happened; none of it happened. Renee had seen the light go out of Billy's eyes as she held him in her arms, her clothes soaked in his blood. His last words had been that she should be happy, find happiness, live happy…something she had known from that moment she would never do.

So why had Renee let herself get close to Jack? Maybe it was because she had known she would never really have him: his ability to love had died long ago too, when he lost Terri and then Audrey. Yet she had still needed to possess him, to have him focused only on her, if only for the very briefest moment in time. And in doing so she had lost part of herself to him, the part that was still capable of a hopeless, pain-soaked emotion like love.

Renee stood and walked over to her windows. "Are you really dead?" she asked, looking down at the mindless City below her. "Is there a world without Jack Bauer?" She stood there a long time in the silence that followed, not looking at anything, just listening and feeling, trying to grasp the finality, trying to sense the truth of it…trying to accept the reality. She put the palm of her right hand against the glass, wanting to feel his touch, to know and understand somehow what that reality was. But there was nothing but the glass and The City and her in an empty room trying to make a connection with a dead man.

The tears continued to slide down her face, and Renee walked to the bathroom in search of something to wipe them away. The tissue box on the counter was empty, but she remembered putting a new box in the cabinet below the sink. She opened one of the doors there and a box of tampons tumbled out onto the floor. Renee stared at it for a moment, and then she thought, when was the last time… She knew the answer without really thinking about it; it had been too many weeks. For several seconds she just stayed there looking at the box. Then she finally stood up. She and Jack hadn't used protection; she didn't know why. Somehow it just hadn't seemed necessary. And now…what? She was pregnant with his child? No, she thought, it had to be that she was just late. It couldn't be that all of this was happening at once. It wasn't possible; it simply wasn't. She would get a test at the drug store and put this behind her. She wasn't pregnant with Jack's child. She couldn't be.

Her cell phone was ringing in the other room; it sounded very far away, too far for her to get to. Renee tossed the tampon box back in the cabinet and leaned against the wall. She wondered what she was going to do if she were in fact pregnant; it wasn't exactly a condition conducive to work in the field. It also wasn't exactly a good time for her to take off and have a baby…and how the hell was she going to be a single mother anyway? She just couldn't see it happening. Even if Jack were alive it couldn't possibly work. It wasn't like he was going to settle down and raise a child…not that it mattered anymore anyway.

The phone was ringing again, and Renee pulled herself up from the floor. She knew it was Madison checking on her, and what the hell was she going to say – that everything was great? She simply had no idea what to do about any of this. She was feeling miserable about Jack, even though she hadn't seen him for weeks and it wasn't even likely that she would have seen him again anytime soon, if ever. But there was something in the finality of death that made things different, erasing all the possibilities and the hopes for what might still have been.

Renee went over to the door where she had left her purse and checked the missed calls on her phone; both were from Agent Madison. There was also a text message; it was a follow-up from the hacker saying simply: Pak data unclean. Can't confirm. Renee wasn't surprised. If the bodies had been blown to bits in the blast, there wouldn't be any way to confirm Jack's death. As a result, his remains would stay in Pakistan, and that would be the end of it. There would never be any official documentation in the matter. Renee sighed; she felt the tears ready to come again. First things first: She'd buy a pregnancy test and get that out of the way and then she could think about Jack.

That decided, she pulled the door open…and discovered Jack in the hallway, his face bruised and his clothes torn, looking like he on the verge of collapsing. "Jack?" she said, astonished, feeling as if she had somehow stepped into a fantasy world. He started to slide down to the floor, and Renee ran over to him. He seemed beyond exhausted. "I'll call an ambulance," Renee said, turning back to her door.

"No," Jack said. "Just help me get inside."

"They told me you were dead," Renee said.

"Not yet," Jack replied. He pushed himself up to a standing position. "I just need somewhere to rest for an hour or two," he said. "If you don't want…"

"Shut up," Renee said. She put her arm around him and helped him to the door and inside the apartment, kicking the door closed with her foot. She barely managed to get him to the sofa, where he just leaned back and closed his eyes. Renee went into the kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the fridge and brought it back over to him. Jack drained half of it before stopping. Renee looked at the bruises and cuts on his face and arms. "Is anything broken?" she asked. "Are you wounded? Are you bleeding?"

"I wouldn't get blood on your sofa," Jack said.

"Do you need a doctor?" Renee asked seriously.

"I just need to rest," Jack said. "I'll be out of here…"

"Like hell you will," Renee said. "You are not going to disappear like some macho dumbass. Not this time."

"Yes, ma'am," Jack said softly.

"Damn straight," Renee said. She sat down next to him and put one of the sofa pillows on her lap. "Lie down," she said. Jack did so without protest. "I'm so glad you're not dead," she said.

"Me too," Jack replied quietly.

Renee smiled. "I'm glad to hear that," she said.

Jack was silent for a while, and Renee figured he had drifted off to sleep. She wasn't entirely sure what to feel about all of this. There were things on the horizon that they would have deal with, big things, but not now. Right now she was just going to be grateful he was alive.


	9. Chapter 9

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 9

By Morganperidot

While Jack slept on the sofa, his head on her lap, Renee watched the TV news with the sound off. She found that the images of destruction and carnage had more impact without the droning voice of a news reporter to temper them. She wondered if there had been any coverage of what happened with Jack's team in Pakistan; she doubted it. That broken operation and the loss of those men and women would never be broadcast to the outside world. She touched Jack's hair lightly, selfishly thankful that he wasn't among those killed.

A short while later Jack stirred and then sat up. "How long was I asleep?" he asked.

"Not long," Renee said.

"Thank you for letting me…"

"We're friends, Jack," Renee said. They had gone down this road before, and he had denied it. But that was before they had made love…and he had disappeared for weeks until he had shown up that day in the hallway of her apartment building.

"And I've taken advantage of that," Jack said.

"I'm glad you came here," Renee said.

Jack glanced at her then, and she could see that the haunted look was back in his eyes. It hurt her like hell to see that. "I was messed up," Jack said. "I couldn't think of anywhere else to go." He stood up and averted his face, but Renee could tell he was in physical pain. "It would be best if I…"

"Damn it, Jack, just sit down and rest," Renee said.

"I'm all right," he said.

"I've already told you that I'm not going to put up with macho dumbass BS," Renee said. "Sit down." She stood up.

Jack looked at her. "This isn't a game," he said.

"I care about you," Renee said. "But I swear that I will hurt you if you don't put your butt back on that sofa." She surprised herself by saying it, but she knew it was true.

Jack looked at her seriously for several seconds, and Renee knew he was sizing her up. She waited it out. "You're tougher," he said.

"Yeah, well, I don't take insubordination," Renee said. She was a team leader for Manhattan Bureau operations, and she knew how to keep order in the team. She was willing to be as tough as the situation warranted. "I'm serious, Jack," she said. He glanced at the door for a moment, and then he just nodded before sitting down on the sofa. He leaned back and closed his eyes. "Do you like grilled cheese?" Renee asked.

Jack opened his eyes. "What?" he asked.

"Sandwiches," Renee said. "Do you like grilled cheese sandwiches?"

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Because I feel like throwing out random non sequiturs," Renee said. "Why are you being so difficult?"

"You don't have to make something for me," Jack said.

"Right," Renee said. "When was the last time you ate?" Jack didn't respond. "Uh huh," she said. "So, I'm going to make us some sandwiches." She walked over to the kitchen and got out the white bread and individually wrapped cheese slices along with a jar of pickles and a couple of bottles of berry-flavored water. She saw Jack heading toward her out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't give that away. Instead she went ahead with shoving a couple of slices of bread into the toaster oven. Jack picked up the pickle jar and twisted off the top then plucked out a couple of the baby dills with his fingers.

Renee looked at him. "How are you really?" she asked.

Jack crunched one of the pickles and wiggled a finger in the direction of the toaster oven. Renee glanced at it and saw that the bread was getting close to burning. She took the toast out and put the slices on a plate, then looked back at him. Jack swallowed. "I'll be fine," he said.

"That isn't what I asked," Renee said. "What happened to you in Pakistan? I'm not blind, Jack. I can see you're hurting."

"And you want the gruesome details?" Jack said, looking straight at her.

"Sure, go ahead," Renee said. "Tell me. I'm not going to faint."

"I can do better than telling you," Jack said, and he pulled his black shirt up over his head and tossed it on the kitchen floor.

"Oh God," Renee said, looking at the fiercely ugly red marks on his chest—some kind of welts and what seemed to be burn marks. For a moment she was simply horrified, and then the anger flooded into her. "What the hell happened?" she said. "Agent Madison told me that the team was going to take out the terrorist headquarters when they were blown up. How did this happen to you?"

"I guess they decided killing a bunch of Americans wasn't enough," Jack said flatly and darkly. "They decided to take one as a hostage too."

"Why would they…"

"It's nothing I wouldn't have done," Jack said coldly. He unwrapped the cheese slices and built a sandwich with the toast.

"Why did you come here, Jack?" Renee asked.

"I told you…"

"There are a million places you could have gone, but you came here," Renee said. "You came to me."

"It was somewhere to go," Jack said.

"Tell me the truth," Renee said.

Fire flashed in Jack's eyes. "You think what I told you is BS?" he asked. "Everything I am, everything I do, is BS. There isn't anything more to it than…"

Renee put her hands on him, careful to avoid his wounds. His angry words stopped, the self-loathing in his tone fading away to silence. He didn't resist her touch, so she moved in, closer, within his personal space, and then closer still, her body so near to his. Then their lips met, and he responded to the kiss with firm participation. His hand was against her back, and his lips trailed down her neck. Renee felt her body heating up, matching the rising heat of his passion. "Are you going to stay?" she asked.

"Do you want me to?" Jack replied.

"Yes," Renee said.

"Then I will," Jack said.

Renee looked at his wounds. "I don't want to hurt you," she said.

"I think I can take it," Jack said. He touched her face, and Renee felt the echoes of that touch throughout her body. "I'm tough too."

"Too tough sometimes," Renee said.

Jack closed the space between them and whispered in her ear, "Let's do this or eat those sandwiches."

Renee laughed. "You're such a romantic," she said.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee was lying next to Jack on her bed; this time it was he who drifted off. She could see the wounds on the part of his chest that was above her quilt. It made her stomach hurt just to look at that; she wouldn't even allow herself to imagine how those wounds had been inflicted. She knew he saw it as part of how his world worked, but that wasn't right—it wasn't acceptable. It wasn't OK for him to do it, and it wasn't OK for it to be done to him, whether he thought it was or not.

She turned on her back and looked at the ceiling. She hadn't forgotten about her late period and how she had been sidetracked from going to the drug store for a pregnancy test. Yet, she couldn't even imagine bringing up the topic to Jack. She had absolutely no idea how he would react, and the idea of rocking—or capsizing—the boat at that moment wasn't that appealing to her.

But she needed to know. If she was pregnant she needed to decide what she was going to do about it, and…

"Second thoughts?" Jack asked.

Renee looked at him. The dark look in his eyes had slipped away for the moment. "No, not at all," she said. She rolled over on her side and leaned over to kiss him.

"What then?" Jack asked. "You looked very serious about something."

"Let's have those sandwiches," Renee said. She slipped off the bed and into jeans and a green t-shirt and walked barefoot out into the main rooms. She slid a hand through her mangled hair as she walked to the kitchen. She wondered if he would take the hint and let it go. She also wondered if she really wanted him to.

She nuked the sandwich Jack had assembled and put together another one. When that one was nuked she put some pickles on the plates and looked up to see Jack standing there watching her, once again dressed in his black shirt and jeans. "So, what is this?" he asked.

"Late lunch, early dinner…"

"Should I go?" Jack asked.

"Damn it, Jack, why the hell do you have to say that all the time?" Renee said. "Everything in the world isn't about you and your martyr syndrome. God forbid there be anything else in the world anyone wants to think about, but I suppose there isn't time for that because you're probably waiting for some call about your next mission to save the world." She held out a plate to him and then walked past him to the table with her plate. She sat down at the table and mentally kicked herself a good one.

Jack turned. "I guess I deserved that," he said.

"Shut up and sit down," Renee said.

"Is that shut up and sit down because we're having this late lunch, early dinner or shut up and sit down because you're going to tell me something I need to sit down for?" Jack asked.

"I don't hear you shutting up," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "I was starting to think you were angry with me about something," he said.

Renee smiled slightly too. "Sorry about that," she said. He sat down next to her. "I shouldn't have gone off on you like that," she added.

"I'm not waiting on a call about my next mission to save the world," Jack said. "Actually I don't even know where the hell my phone is."

"That's one good thing," Renee said.

"And I don't have a martyr syndrome," Jack said.

Renee laughed. "Oh yes, you do," she said. Jack smiled, and he waited. There was something so strange about the lack of urgency in the moment…and for some reason that really terrified her. She looked away from him. "The sandwiches are getting cold," she said.

"I'll make more," Jack said quietly. For some reason Renee felt like she was going to cry; she silently hoped it wasn't hormones. "Renee, just tell me," he said. He paused for a moment, but when she didn't say anything he added, "If this is about you and me…"

"It isn't that," Renee said. "Damn it, Jack, it isn't that."

"Then tell me what it is," Jack said.

The words were there but Renee couldn't say them, so she didn't say anything.

"You asked me before why I came here," Jack said, "why I came to you. The bottom line is that I needed to see you. I needed to be with you. It's been hell of a long time since I've had that need, much less been willing to act on it."

Renee looked at him then. "God, Jack," she said. "I just want to kiss you and forget everything else."

Jack put his hand over hers on the table. "Whatever it is…"

"I think I'm pregnant," Renee said.

She saw Jack's immediate surprise and then the look in his eyes when the surprise faded into a look she couldn't decipher. "Mine," he said quietly.

"Yes, absolutely," Renee said.

"Did you take a test?" Jack asked.

"Not yet," Renee said. "I just realized the timing, and I was going out to a store when I found you in the hallway."

"I'll go get one," Jack said. He stood up, and Renee wondered if he just wanted to get the hell out of there.

"I can do that," Renee said. She stood. "You're hurt…"

"I'll do it," Jack said. He walked to the door.

"Don't disappear," Renee said.

"I won't," Jack said, and he left the apartment.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee wasn't sure whether to believe him, but she went about things like she did. After eating her cold cheese sandwich and warm pickles she called Madison and requested a couple of days off. She was due, as she hadn't taken any days since her transfer to Manhattan and had been working most weekends. She didn't tell Madison about Jack; she wasn't really sure why, but she didn't think it was a good idea at the time.

Then she took a shower, dressed, dried her hair, and looked at the clock. It was getting to be close to an hour since Jack had left in search of somewhere to buy a test. There was a drug store down the street next to the pizza place on the corner, but he may have gone the other way. Of course there plenty of stores selling pregnancy tests all over Manhattan, and it shouldn't have taken him an hour to find one and come back.

He's probably gone for good, Renee thought. She wondered if she should have just waited to tell him about the pregnancy; it wasn't like she was going to be showing for a while if it was true. Renee shook her head and flopped down on the sofa. She sat there for a minute with her face in her hands, and then she heard the knock on the door. She opened it to Jack holding a large white paper bag. "Sorry that took so long," he said. After entering he closed the door and took the bag over to the coffee table by her sofa where he set it down, along with a cell phone she hoped he hadn't stolen.

"I thought you probably took off," Renee said, still standing by the door.

"I won't say I didn't consider it," Jack said. He looked at her. "I'm not exactly great father material. I was walking around out there, and I started to think about having another child…and that got me thinking about Kim. So, I got this phone and tried to call her. The number I have is no good though."

"You should have asked me," Renee said. "I have her number from back in DC." She knew it was a stupid thing to say the second after she heard it come out of her mouth, and she wasn't at all surprised to see the light go out of Jack's eyes.

"What?" he said.

"When you were in custody…"

"You talked to Kim?" Jack said, his voice going low and dark.

"No, I never talked to her," Renee said. She walked over to the coffee table and dumped out the contents of the bag he had brought. He had gotten two different types of pregnancy tests, as well as five different kinds of candy bars. "You like peanut butter, huh?" she said, looking at the selection.

"You got my daughter's information and did what with it?" Jack asked.

"Nothing, Jack," Renee said. "I was going to use it against you if I had to."

"You were going to use her against me," Jack said.

"Yeah, well, that's the way it works, isn't it?" Renee said. "Use the target's family. That's way up high on the Jack Bauer hit list."

"Who else has her information?" Jack asked. "Did the moles have it?"

"It was on my hard drive," Renee said. "It isn't like I sent it in some spam e-mail."

"Do you think this is joke?" Jack said. "I don't know where Kim is, and you could have put her life in jeopardy."

Renee faced him head on. "I didn't do anything to put your daughter in danger, Jack," she said. "All of my information is buried deep and encrypted. No one had access to it but me and no one saw it but me." She picked up one of the test boxes, and stormed to the bathroom. She was furious with him, enough to really slam the bathroom door and then just sit on the toilet and fume for a minute. How dare he suggest she was a crappy agent using poor security measures?

She took the test out of the box and followed the directions, then set the stick aside and went out into the main rooms. Jack was still there…sitting on the sofa and plundering her laptop. "Did you find it?" she asked. He didn't respond, so she assumed the answer was no. She went straight over to him and took possession of the computer. She went through the levels and encryption to the file and then gave the machine back to him. "There should be a result in a few minutes," she said.

Jack picked up his cell phone, punched in the phone number on the computer screen, and stood up. Renee selected one of the candy bars, opened the wrapper, and sat down on the sofa. "Kim?" Jack said, and Renee heard the relief in his voice. "Kim, I need to talk to you for a minute, OK?" There was a hint of desperation in his tone. Renee got up to leave the room and give him some privacy, but he was suddenly strangely silent. She looked over at him and saw that he was just standing there with the phone hanging from his right hand.

"Jack?" Renee said.

"What's the result?" he asked.

"I haven't looked yet," Renee said. His back was to her, but she could tell he was a mess without seeing his face. "Come with me," she said.

"I don't want to see it," Jack said, his voice devoid of emotion.

"What did Kim say?" Renee asked.

"That she was relieved when she heard I was finally dead," Jack said. He looked at her. "Do you want me to be the father of your child?"

"It is what it is," Renee said. "I'm not that thrilled with being your baby mama."

"You don't have to be," Jack said.

Renee's stomach tightened into a knot. She walked over to the computer and shut the top.

"I'm going to take myself out of this," Jack said. "I don't want to cause the same destruction for you that I did for Terri and Kim. I can't do that."

"I don't want you out of this, Jack," Renee said.

"You should," Jack said.

"Yeah, well, clearly I don't do what I should," Renee said. She walked over to him and took the phone out of his hand. She shut it off and tossed it on the sofa. "You're going to work this out with Kim," she said.

"Renee…"

"Yes, I understand the whole thing about you being trouble," she said. "If we're lucky there's nothing to worry about anyway." She turned away and headed to the bathroom.

"I'm pretty sure getting lucky is what caused the problem in the first place," Jack said.

Surprised by his tone, Renee looked at him. "You're one hell of an enigma," she said. Then she went into the bathroom to check on the test.


	10. Chapter 10

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 10

By Morganperidot

"OK, so these things aren't one hundred percent reliable," Renee said, looking at the positive symbol on the pregnancy test stick. She looked over at Jack, who was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his dark clothes in stark contrast to the white porcelain of the tub. He hadn't said anything since she told him the result. He didn't appear to be happy though, not that she expected him to be. After all, this was only supposed to be an off-and-on fling, and there was no way a child between them would make sense. "I'll go to my doctor as soon as I can fit in an appointment," Renee said. "This probably doesn't mean anything."

Jack sighed. "I don't want to talk about this in here," he said. He stood up and walked out of the bathroom. Renee followed him through the bedroom and out into the main room of the apartment. "Do you mind if I have a drink?" he asked.

"No," Renee said. She walked past him to the kitchen and got out the bottle of rum she had shared with him a couple times before.

"Do you have something else?" Jack asked.

Renee looked down at the bottle. His rejection of it made her sad; she could feel doors of possibility closing. "Yeah, I have some bottles of wine," she said. She went to another cabinet and took out a bottle of merlot. She took out a corkscrew.

"I'll open it," Jack said, taking the corkscrew.

"Being pregnant doesn't make me helpless," Renee said.

"I know," Jack said. "I just want to open it." He took the hood off the top of the bottle and drilled the corkscrew into the cork.

Renee walked away from him and leaned against the counter by the sink. "Tell me what you're thinking," she said.

Jack pulled out the cork and set it on the counter. "I'm thinking I'd really like to drink this whole damn bottle," he said.

"Go for it," Renee said. "It looks like I won't be drinking wine for a while." She felt like she and Jack were strangers for the first time since she had known him. She was angry and frustrated, and it felt like there was nothing she could do about it.

"This is my fault," Jack said quietly.

"There are two of us, Jack," Renee said.

"I should have been smarter," he said.

Renee looked away from him. "Right," she said. "You shouldn't have gotten involved with me."

Jack found a big red wine glass in one of the cabinets and filled it with merlot. "No, I shouldn't have," he said.

Renee felt the tears prick the back backs of her eyes. "I don't need anything from you," she said. She walked out of the kitchen and over to the big windows so he wouldn't see her face.

"It's too late for that," Jack said.

"I'll figure this out on my own," Renee said. "I don't need to you to stick around and play hero."

"I know," Jack said. She heard him walk over to her, his bare feet against the carpet. "I'm not a hero." A tear slid out of Renee's left eye and down her cheek. She didn't want to cry in front of him; their whole relationship – if it could be called that – was about strength. She didn't want him to see weakness in her, not even now. Jack came up behind her and put a hand on her right hip; Renee closed her eyes. "When I lost Terri I knew that my life as part of a family was over," he said. "I told myself there would never be anything more for me, that there shouldn't be. Then with Audrey, I started to let myself think…maybe. I thought, maybe a wife and down the road a family. But things…" He broke off. Renee felt him so close to her, and she wanted to hold him and tell him it would all work out. But she knew it wouldn't. Jack put his left arm around her, and his hand slid low over her belly. Renee kept her eyes closed and the tears at bay. She didn't say anything. She didn't even think anything. "I'm sorry about everything," Jack said.

"I'm not," Renee said. "Only about this."

"This," Jack whispered. "This is beautiful." Renee opened her eyes, and the tears spilled out. Jack pressed her against him.

"I know you're going to leave, Jack," Renee said. "You don't have to pretend…"

"I don't pretend," Jack said. He stepped back from her. "Let's talk about this," he said.

"You don't need an escape plan," Renee said. "I don't need to hear you explain your way out of…"

"I don't want out," Jack said.

Renee wiped her cheeks with her hands. "I also don't need you to feel sorry for me," she said.

"I don't," Jack said.

Renee turned and looked at him, and he was right there, not more than a foot away from her. She could touch him; she could hold him. She could believe him…but she didn't. She knew there was going to be a day, sooner rather than later, when he was going to disappear. She walked away from him, but she didn't know where to go.

Jack walked back to the kitchen and drank some of the wine. He closed his eyes and lowered his head. "So, you said you don't want to be my baby mama," he said.

"I don't want to play games now," Renee said.

"Are you going to have the baby?" Jack asked.

Renee looked at him and saw him looking at her. "I can't think about that," she said.

"Are you angry with me?" Jack asked.

"No," Renee said. "I don't blame you for being how you are. I've always understood that."

"Right, I'm not reliable," Jack said.

Renee shook her head. "I don't want this to get ugly," she said. "You and I, we had some good times together, but even good things end. I'm not going to tie you down, Jack. That was never what I wanted."

Jack was silent for a long moment. "We had some good times," he said finally, quoting her words in a way that made her uncomfortable. He drained the wine glass and filled it again.

"I wasn't trying to trap you, Jack," Renee said.

"What makes you think I'm trapped?" Jack asked.

"You know what I mean," Renee said.

"No, I'm not sure that I ever did," Jack said. "You said we were friends, and I thought, you know, euphemism. But we were never even friends, were we?" Euphemism? Renee thought. She wasn't sure what he was saying or why his anger was growing by the second. "Was I at least a good screw?" he asked.

"Where is this coming from?" Renee asked.

"Where?" Jack said. "Well, I came straight here from half-way around the world," Jack said. "I came here to you. And now, with this, you just want to shut me out." He finished off the second glass of wine and poured a third. "Maybe in the end you just felt the same way that Kim did," he said, "relieved that I wasn't going to show up again. Then I just had to ruin everything and show up alive." Renee was just so stunned by his words that she couldn't speak. There was such terrible darkness in him, and she didn't understand why it was resurfacing when she was just telling him he could be free…

Then Renee thought: What if he doesn't want to be free? What if after all this time he wants something to hold onto and someone to hold onto him? She walked into the kitchen and shoved the cork into the wine bottle, then set it aside. "I wasn't relieved, Jack, and I don't believe Kim was either," she said. "Sometimes it's easier to say hurtful things than to admit how much you care about someone."

"I don't need lessons from you about my daughter," Jack said.

"I know," Renee said. "I also know that what she said hurt you."

"I deserve it," Jack said. "Her mother died because of me. Her life has been hell because of me. She's better off hating me. At least that way I can't hurt her anymore."

"You don't think hating you hurts her?" Renee said.

"I'll be dead soon enough," Jack said. He finished the third glass of wine and pushed it away. He looked at her. "Thank you for rolls in the hay," he said. "I apologize for the potent sperm but…"

"Just stop it," Renee said.

"Copy that," Jack said softly. He walked over to the sofa and picked up his phone.

"You're wrong about all if it, Jack," Renee said. He just stood at the sofa, not looking at her. "I didn't want you dead; I never could. I wouldn't want a world without the possibility of seeing you. And I don't want you to leave. I just want you to stop saying these terrible things that aren't true."

"Except they are," Jack said.

"I'm in love with you, Jack," Renee said, surprising herself with how easy it was to say the words. "I have been for a long time, maybe even from the beginning."

"You don't have to push the knife in," Jack said finally. "It's deep enough."

"I'm trying to get it out, but you have to help me," Renee said.

Jack looked at her. "I know you don't love me," he said quietly.

"Yeah, well, guess what? Not everything that you think you know is true," Renee said. She could envision a flicker of light and the end of the tunnel, and she saw the possibility in the moment. "Tell me what you feel, Jack," she said.

"I don't…"

"We're running out of time," Renee said. "I know you understand what that means. If there's something you want to say, say it. You can still leave and get yourself killed if that's what you want to do. I can't stop you. But you know better than anyone that the only way to deal with a bad situation is to pull out all the stops. If you have a big stop that you don't pull out before you leave, well that's just bad form, Jack."

He turned away. "I don't," he said.

Renee knew he was lying, but she let it go. She could only push him so far, and she was already exhausted. She walked over him and turned him so that he faced her. "Then give me a kiss good-bye," she said. He met her gaze…but made no move toward her. So Renee took the lead, touching his face and then bringing her lips to his. He didn't respond, and she took the hint, pulling him gently into her arms instead. "Keep yourself safe," she whispered in his ear. "I need to know that you're out there somewhere." She released him…then felt him grasp her arm.

"Is it true?" Jack asked softly, looking straight into her eyes.

Renee didn't need to ask him what. She could see it in his eyes and feel it in his touch, the need to believe something could happen that he had given up on a long time ago. "Yeah," she said. "It's true." He moved in closer then and began a new kiss that Renee welcomed warmly.

Jack broke off the kiss gently. "I'm sorry," he said.

"None of this is easy," Renee said.

"None of this is going to be easy," Jack said. He went back to the sofa and sat down, snagged a candy bar, and started opening the wrapper.

Renee realized she was starving. "Do you want to get some dinner?" she asked.

"Are we going to act like this is all normal?" Jack asked.

"Would you rather act like it's all a bunch of crazy out-of-control BS?" Renee replied.

"No," Jack said. "But it would be nice if it weren't."

"You wouldn't really want that, would you?" Renee asked, sitting down next to him. "That would take all the fun out of it."

"We…" The sound of her land line ringing interrupted him. Renee glanced over at it; now that things had calmed between them she didn't want to get sidetracked. "It's the Bureau," Jack said.

"I told Agent Madison I was taking a couple of days off," Renee said.

"It has that ring," Jack said.

"The FBI has a ring?" Renee said.

"Yeah, that stick-up-the…"

"I don't think I need to hear the rest of that," Renee said. She stood up, but by then the ringing had stopped. "It's not like I'm going to run to the office," she said. "I need some time to think." Jack shrugged. He picked up his cell phone and turned it on. "I'm serious, Jack," Renee said. "We need to work this out."

Jack stood up. "Right," he said. He shoved the cell phone in a pocket of his jeans as hers started to ring in her purse.

Renee got her cell phone and answered; it was Madison. "We need your help with tactical," she said. "Tell Bauer we can use him too."

"Bauer?" Renee said, looking at Jack.

"Turns out he has more lives than a cat," Madison said. "He's in New York. I assume you've been in touch?"

Renee had the feeling her boss was implying more than verbal contact. "We've talked," she said. She wondered if Jack had talked with the FBI. "I'll be in shortly," she said, and she ended the call. She looked at Jack again. "Well?" she asked.

"I made another call other than trying to find Kim when I was out searching for the pregnancy tests," Jack said.

"So you didn't make a run for it at the possibility of pregnancy but you gave yourself an out," Renee said.

"I told you before I don't want out," Jack said. Renee watched as he reached into his pants leg, pulled a .45 out of a leg holster, and checked that it was loaded.

"I'm guessing you have a permit for that," Renee said.

"It's with the receipt for the phone," Jack said, shoving the gun into his waistband.

Renee rolled her eyes. "So we do this and then we come back and talk about this baby stuff?" she asked.

Jack smiled. "Works for me," he said.

**********

The situation was a terrorist attack at Grand Central Station, two bombs planted and several shooters inside the terminal. At the FBI Manhattan headquarters Renee assessed the situation and decided to take lead in the field; Jack went with her. It was nice to have him beside her again; it felt natural in way that no fieldwork ever really had.

On-site, Renee had the team spread out. She quickly located one of the bombs and kneeled down to look at it. There were about five and a half minutes left on the timer; one of the FBI explosive experts began trying to disarm it. Renee heard the report of the .45 across the length of the building. "Jack," she said.

"Two shooters down," Jack said in her ear. She could hear the adrenalin flowing through him in his voice.

"Do you have a visual on the second bomb?" Renee asked. "We have five minutes on this one. If you find it you should just contain…"

"I have a visual on the bomb and a third shooter," Jack said.

"Jack, where…" There was sporadic gunfire, and Renee realized she was holding her breath. She released it and concentrated on scanning her immediate area. She spotted another shooter and took him out with one shot. Renee heard the .45 again. "What's your position, Jack?" Renee asked.

"At the subway entrance," Jack said. "I'm at the bomb." He was silent for a moment.

"Can you disarm?" Renee asked.

"Clear this area now," Jack said.

Renee's stomach dropped. "What's the…"

"Timer is 0122," Jack said.

Renee glanced over at their explosives expert who had been working on that bomb for more than two minutes. "Evacuate, Jack," she said.

"I have this," Jack said, steel calm in his voice.

"Evacuate," Renee said in her own firmest tone, but she knew he wouldn't. He was silent, and she knew he had taken out the ear piece. "Damn it," she said. She walked over to the explosives expert. "Can this be done in under a minute and a half?" she asked.

"I'm…"

"I mean in general," Renee said.

"If someone knew exactly what to do it would be possible," the expert said.

Renee watched the seconds tick away on her watch; her heart was pounding. Damn him, she thought. He didn't even have to be there; this was an FBI operation. She almost said something to that effect, but there was no time for that. "Got it," the expert said.

"Thanks," Renee said. She looked at her watch. "Everyone prepare for detonation in quadrant 3," she said, referring to Jack's location. There was no response from Jack. Renee stood there, looking in the direction the blast would come from, and she wondered if he felt guilty that he was the only one on the team in Pakistan who hadn't died in that explosion. Don't do this to me, Jack, she thought, knowing how selfish it was. Don't do this to our child.

"Disarmed," Jack's voice said emotionlessly in her ear. "Are we clear?"

"For now," Renee said. Until I kick your butt, she thought.

"Renee we have another shooter," Agent Bridget Ryan said. "I had a visual but lost him. He's headed in your direction."

"Copy that," Renee said, scanning the area around her.

"Copy," Jack said.

"I have this, Jack," Renee said.

"I know," Jack said, but Renee knew he was on his way anyway.

Renee backed up to a wall but kept her eyes moving. Suddenly bullets peppered the wall beside her, and she moved back, around a corner. The explosives expert with her wasn't the best person to have in a firefight; he was average with a gun but she didn't trust him with her life. She leaned out and tried to get a visual, but there was nothing in the direction from which the shots had come. The explosives expert seemed to have disappeared. Some help he was. She leaned out and fired off a few shots from her automatic; the automatic fire returned was clearly from somewhere above her. "Shooter above, maybe balcony," Renee said. "To the left of my position."

"Copy that, I have a visual," Jack said. Renee peeked around a moment later and saw two men fighting on the balcony. A few seconds after that a body went over the railing, splattering on the hard ground below. Horrified, Renee stepped out from her hiding place to see who it was—and took a bullet when the dying terrorist quickly brought up his gun for one last shot. Renee heard Jack's "Damn it" and two distant reports from the .45 as she crumpled to the ground and the world went dark.


	11. Chapter 11

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 11

By Morganperidot

Renee awoke slowly, her back sore from lying on a stiff, uncomfortable bed. She didn't know where she was at first, but then she heard the beeping of machines and realized she was in a hospital. She reached back through her murky thoughts to try to remember what had happened to her, but at first it was like trying to dig through an endless pile of mud. With her eyes closed she let the darkness calm her for a moment. In her mind's eye she could see Jack at her apartment and the pregnancy test. Then there was Jack with that .45 in his hand and the sound of that gun in Grand Central where they were doing fieldwork…and where she had gotten shot. There was nothing after that, and Renee felt fear curl around her heart like a dark serpent.

She opened her eyes again and looked around the room. Renee spotted Jack standing over at the window, his back to her, seeming lost in his thoughts. "Jack," she said, her voice coming out softer than she had intended, but apparently loud enough for him to hear. He turned and walked over to her bed.

"Hey," Jack said quietly. He looked troubled, and Renee told herself not to pursue it, not yet. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"I'm not sure yet," Renee said.

Jack sat on a chair by the bed. He smiled slightly, but there was no light in his eyes. "Wait until the pain meds start wearing off," he said.

"I had surgery for the bullet?" Renee asked.

"Yeah, it was high in your chest but didn't penetrate any vital organs," Jack said flatly, like he was talking about something he'd read in the newspaper. "I told them about the possibility of a baby before you went in, so they were aware of that."

He was sitting back in the chair, about as far away from her as he could get and still be sitting there. "What's wrong, Jack?" Renee said. "Did I lose the baby?"

Jack looked away. "The baby's fine."

"Then what…"

Jack stood. "I talked with someone I know at the Department of Defense," he said. "They have a situation in Angola, and they need someone to spearhead an operation over there."

"What?" Renee said.

"My plane leaves in an hour," Jack said. He walked to the door. "I'm glad you're OK, Renee," he said. "I'm glad you both are." He opened the door and stepped out into the hall and shut it behind him.

What the hell? Renee thought. She felt like she had woken into some alternate reality where everything was backward. Hadn't Jack told her at her apartment that he didn't want an out? Why was he suddenly running off to the nearest plane to Africa?

"Forget that," Renee said. She reached for the phone on the stand by the bed and felt a twinge of pain slice through her. Damn it, Jack, she thought. She pushed 0 for the hospital operator. "This is Special Agent Renee Walker of the Federal Bureau of Investigation," she said. "Give me hospital security." She explained to security that there was a federal witness on his way out of the building and she needed to have him detained. She cautioned them not to use force, however; he was not to be harmed. Renee almost laughed at that; it was the security people she was protecting, not Jack. She didn't need some hospital cops getting broken bones because she had asked them to detain Jack over a personal matter.

Renee set the phone down and sighed. She felt exhausted, and she decided to close her eyes for a bit before dealing with Jack again...if the hospital cops were able to find him before he slipped away for good.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee woke to the sound of the telephone ringing beside her. "Walker," she said.

"We have your witness in the waiting room," a man's voice said. "Do you want us to bring him to your room?"

"Just escort him over here," Renee said. "I'll take it from there." She steeled her nerves, because she figured Jack was going to be mad as hell about this. A few moments later she heard footsteps in the hallway. Then the door opened, and Jack walked into the room. Renee caught a glimpse of two men in security uniforms before Jack closed the door.

"Well played," he said softly, and he walked across the room to the window.

"Especially compared with the amateur hour you put on," Renee said. "It doesn't take much guts to walk out on someone when you know that person can't follow you."

"So, now I'm here," Jack said, "and I'm going to miss my flight." He didn't look at her. "What else is there that needs to be said?"

"How about you explaining to me why the hell you suddenly decided it would a good idea to go to Angola?" Renee said. "And don't give me any BS about them coming to you, Jack. I know you asked for this."

"I did," Jack said, still looking out the window, no emotion betrayed by the side of his face that she could see.

"Why would you do that?" Renee asked.

"Because it's the right thing to do," Jack said. "When you get past the emotion you'll see that too."

"So you've gotten past the emotion?" Renee said.

Jack looked over at her. "Yes," he said. There was nothing in his gaze but emptiness, and yet Renee could still feel the echo of what he was burying inside.

"What good are these lies supposed to do?" Renee said.

"They aren't lies," Jack said.

"Is that supposed to be ironic?" Renee asked. "You lie about lying? They took a bullet out of me, Jack, not my brain – or even my memories for that matter. I know you…"

"I misled you," Jack said. "I misled myself." He looked back toward the window. "The bottom line is that I have to go; I need to. That's all there is."

"What about what I need?" Renee asked. "What about what our baby needs?" She saw his eyes close briefly before he turned his back to her. "Jack, what is this?" Renee asked, trying to keep pleading out of her tone although she heard a hint of it there anyway. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to get another flight to Angola," he said.

Renee looked away from him and up at the ceiling. For a minute there was nothing but silence in the room, and she waited for the sounds of him walking out. But he didn't move from the window, and she finally looked back over at him. "Come over here and talk to me," she said. "I want to be able to explain this to our child."

"It's better to just not…"

"Don't think you can tell me what is better," Renee said harshly, the hurt she was feeling boiling over into anger. "You are deserting me – deserting us, and when this child is old enough I want to be able to tell him or her exactly why you did that."

Jack turned around and leaned against the window. "You have to let this go," he said, and she could hear the very edge of the pain he was suppressing in his voice.

"You don't tell me what to do, you SOB," Renee said. "You said you didn't want an out…you said that twice. You implied that you wanted this child and that you wanted me. And now what…I get shot, and suddenly you need to go Africa? How the hell does that work, Jack?"

He was silent for a few seconds. "This is a mistake," Jack said.

"Why?" Renee asked.

Jack shook his head and looked away from her. "Why do this?" he asked.

"That's what I'm trying to understand," Renee said. "Things were finally fitting together right and now you want to just throw it all away…"

"I can't be with you," Jack said. "I can be here and be a father. I just can't."

"That isn't an explanation, Jack…"

He looked at her. "Let it go," he said. "Please."

"I love you, Jack," Renee said. "How do I just let that go?" He didn't respond other than looking away again. "I know you love me," she said. "You can deny it all you want, but I know you do."

"I won't deny it," Jack said.

"Then what the hell are you doing?" Renee asked.

Jack looked at the ceiling for a moment, then walked over to the chair beside her bed and sat. He sat there with his head in his hands for a long time, and Renee waited it out. She wasn't foolish enough to think that the worst of this was behind them, but she was willing to relax for a moment in this lull in the storm. She leaned against her pillows and waited for the argument to continue. "Are you OK?" Jack asked.

"I can handle this," Renee said.

"I should let you rest," Jack said.

"So you can sneak out and disappear," Renee said.

"This isn't going to work," Jack said.

"What?" Renee said.

"You and me," Jack said.

"Why?" Renee said. "What's changed?"

"When we were at Grand Central, I could see it," Jack said. "It's just too dangerous. I put you in danger, and I can't allow that."

"You can't allow it?" Renee said. "What makes you think you have the authority to allow me to do anything?"

"I didn't mean…"

"Oh, yes, you did," Renee said. "Despite all this crap you dish out about respecting me you still think I'm some little woman you need to protect."

"I'm a distraction," Jack said. "All of these emotions, these concerns, they cloud our judgment. We do things we shouldn't because of them."

"You mean I do," Renee said.

"We both do," Jack said. "I shouldn't have been at Grand Central today. I should have been somewhere else a long time ago."

"No, this is about me," Renee said. "This is about me stepping out of a safe zone and getting shot." Jack didn't respond. "Say it, Jack," she said. "You are punishing me for doing something stupid in the field."

"No, that isn't what this is," Jack said.

"Really?" Renee said. "How else can I possibly see it? You're willing to throw our love, our family, and our future out the window to go thousands of miles away and maybe get killed. You're leaving me, Jack. That's what the bottom line is. I screwed up, and because of that you're leaving me."

Jack shook his head, but he didn't speak. She could see him processing things, trying to find a way around the trap she had sprung on him. "That isn't what I meant to do," he said finally. "I just…I can't be the cause of your death or this child being harmed. I can't let that happen."

"So you think the answer is to abandon us?" Renee asked.

"I think it's safer for you if I'm not around," Jack said.

"You can't make that decision for me," Renee said.

"I have to if you won't," Jack said.

"So you'll just force me to accept your decision?" Renee said.

"It's the right thing," Jack said.

"No, it isn't," Renee said. "You know it's not. I know this impulse to run is so strong in you, Jack. I understand that. I understand that you blame yourself for all these terrible things, and you just see them repeating if you don't take yourself out of the picture. I get all that. But you cannot decide this for me, and I will not release you because you tell me it's the right thing to run away. It isn't the right thing, Jack. I'm not going to let you go."

"I've made my decision," Jack said. He stood up. "I'm sorry, Renee. I truly am."

"I'm not," Renee said.

"You would be if I stayed," Jack said. He walked to the door and then out into the hallway. Renee just closed her eyes and let him go.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee held herself together emotionally through the consultations with doctors and nurses; through her discussion with her boss, Agent Madison; and through the night that finally led to her discharge from the hospital in the morning. She still felt lousy, although the pain meds took the edge off of some of that. They made her feel a bit loopy though, so she was glad to not have to go in to work for a few days.

She took a cab to her building and was exhausted by the time she made it up the stairs to her apartment. She opened the door and for a moment just stood there looking at the candy wrappers on the coffee table by the sofa, and across the way at Jack's wine glass on the counter. Renee closed the front door and walked over to the kitchen counter where she touched the glass gently for a moment before picking it up and throwing it hard at the sink. She could feel the sadness welling up inside her, and it made her furious. But she had controlled it for way too long, and she needed to let it out. She sat down on the kitchen floor, pulled her knees up to her chest, and put her hands over her face. The tears flowed strong and steady, and she let them come without much thought to their cause.

She heard the soft sound of footsteps and pulled out her gun before raising her head. She pointed the weapon at… "Jack?" she said.

"I know I deserve to be shot, but let's save that for later," he said. Jack walked over to her and took the gun out of her hand and set it on the kitchen counter.

Renee wiped her tears away and stood. "I thought you were gone," she said.

"So did I," Jack said. He slid his arms around her and held her against him.

"Am I imagining this?" Renee asked, wondering if she was actually lying on the floor asleep from a combination of pain medication and exhaustion.

"Does it matter?" Jack asked.

Renee laughed, then turned serious. She stepped back from him and looked in his eyes. "What happened, Jack?" she asked. "Is there another attack?"

"No, nothing like that," Jack said. "Not that I know of, anyway."

"Then why are you here?" Renee said. "And don't ask me if I want you to go. You know the answer to that."

Jack smiled. "Yeah, I think I have that one straight," he said.

"For now," Renee said.

"Now is all there really is," Jack said. He walked over to the fridge and pulled the door open. "Should I make some eggs?" he asked. "Did you have breakfast?"

"You haven't really answered my question, Jack," Renee said. "Why are you here? You walked out of that hospital room like you were walking out of my life. Now it's the next day, and you're here. What happened?"

Jack took several eggs and hunk of cheddar cheese out of the fridge. "Is scrambled OK?" he asked.

"Apparently," Renee said. "Are you going to answer?"

"Why does it matter?" Jack asked. "Do you have a cheese grater?"

"Because you don't want to tell me," Renee said. She got a cheese grater out of a drawer and handed it to him. "And that means there's something else going on here. And when there's something else going on, that means that everything is going to wind up blowing up in my face."

"Seems a little assumptive," Jack said. He grated the cheese into a big pile. Renee watched silently as he made the eggs, tossing in the cheese. She poured a couple glasses of orange juice.

"Is something going on?" Renee asked.

"There's always…"

"Something else," Renee clarified.

"Could you hand me a couple plates?" Jack asked.

"Jack…"

"No," Jack said. "Plates?"

Renee sighed and opened a cupboard to get the plates. She knew a direct answer wasn't always an honest answer, and even if it were honest at the moment that didn't mean it was going to stay that way for long. The thought circles in her mind were making her dizzy and tired. She still felt worn out from the hospital stay, and she wasn't really in the mood for playing this game with him much longer. Jack took the plates of eggs over to the table, and Renee brought the glasses of juice and silverware. She found the silence between them nice, because it gave her a moment to process the fact that he was actually really there. "Thank you," Renee said.

"I'm starving, so it's actually pretty selfish," Jack said. He shoveled some eggs into his mouth.

"Thank you for coming back here," Renee said.

Jack leaned back in his chair. "I was at the hangar on the base, standing there looking at that plane and thinking about Angola and what was going to follow that," he said. "I realized that I've just been doing things, but there really isn't any purpose to them anymore. Why go to Angola? Why take out terrorists? I don't really care about it anymore, because I know no matter what I do this type of stuff is just going to keep going on in the same way. Nothing I do is going to really change anything."

"What we do does matter, Jack," Renee said.

"Maybe what you do," Jack said. "But being a free agent…it just all seems like a lot of running around for nothing after a while." Renee saw the opening for interpretation there, but she didn't take it. She just ate some more of his perfectly cooked eggs. "I couldn't move; I couldn't get on that plane. I just stood there thinking: If I get on this plane I'm going to regret it, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of my life." Renee nearly choked on her food, and Jack laughed. "Really, it was pretty close to that though," he said.

"I don't think that's how it went in Casablanca," Renee said.

"My memory slips sometimes," Jack said.

"I really doubt that," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "You know me better than I'd like," he said.

"I think I just understand you somehow," Renee said. "And maybe that's enough."

"It's more than that," Jack said. "I walked out of that hospital room believing that I was going to go to Angola and do things like I've done things for years to protect myself and those around me. But then I couldn't get on that plane. It wasn't so much that I didn't want to; part of me definitely did. I just couldn't do it."

"Because you're in love," Renee said.

"Yeah," Jack said.

"And you're going to be a daddy again," Renee said.

"Yeah," Jack said. "Yeah, I am."

Renee touched his face with her fingertips and kissed him softly on the lips. She stood up, and Jack did as well. He drew her into his arms held her against him gently. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.

"Jack…"

"You saved my life," Jack said.

"You opened mine up," Renee said.

"You're an amazing woman," Jack said.

"Thank you," Renee said. "Maybe we…" She stopped when she heard the knocking at the door. "Expecting someone?" she asked.

"It's your apartment," Jack said.

"Right," Renee said. She walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up her gun. As she walked past him she saw Jack pull the .45 from his leg holster. "Who is it?" Renee asked, the gun held high and firmly in her hand.

"Agent Walker, my name is Kim," a voice said through the door. "I'm looking for my father. I was told you might know where he is."

Renee looked at Jack; he lowered his gun but didn't put it away. She shoved her own weapon in the waistband of her jeans and went to open the door. When she opened it she found a younger woman in the hallway, alone and unarmed. She recognized one thing immediately, the dark look in the eyes that were so similar to Jack's. "I'm Special Agent Renee Walker," she said.

"So, it is true," Kim said, looking past Renee at Jack.

"It's good to see you," Jack said.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to be," Kim said, her tone hard, angry.

"Why are you here?" Jack asked.

"I need your help," Kim said.


	12. Chapter 12

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 12

By Morganperidot

Renee stepped aside and let Kim walk by her into her apartment. Kim was dressed in a gray suit with a pink blouse beneath the jacket. Her blond hair hung loose to her shoulders; she was an attractive woman, but of course she had good genes.

Renee saw Jack take a step toward Kim, but when Kim made no move to close the space between them, he stopped where he was. He had put his gun away; clearly the threat here was emotional, not physical. "Are you OK?" Jack asked Kim.

"No recent cougar attacks, if that's what you mean," Kim said. Her tone was angry and distant, and Renee decided to walk away before she said something that would stir up more trouble. She walked past Jack and into the kitchen, where she started making a pot of coffee. The pain meds for the surgery after her gunshot wound were wearing off, and she would need to hunt down the orange bottle from the pharmacy soon. She was exhausted as well, but she didn't want to remove herself completely from this situation yet.

"What do you need help with?" Jack asked. "I'll do whatever I can, you know that."

"I really don't know you at all anymore," Kim said. "All I know is that you can be dangerous, and that's probably what's needed now."

Renee glanced at Jack. He wasn't showing any outward signs of pain, but the way Kim was treating him had to be hurting him deeply. Renee silently hoped that things wouldn't go down as badly between Jack and their child as they had between him and Kim. Renee wanted their child to know what was good about his or her father. "Do you want coffee, Kim?" Renee asked, keeping her tone even.

"Yes, thank you," Kim said.

Renee poured a cup for Kim and one for Jack. "Milk or sugar?" Renee asked.

"No, black is fine," Kim said. Renee picked up the two mugs and brought them over. She held one out to Kim. "Is that the one with the poison?" Kim asked.

"No, I usually put that in tea," Renee said.

"You're sleeping with my father?" Kim asked.

"Let's talk about why you're here," Jack said, walking over to them. Renee handed him the other coffee mug. She didn't need Jack's protection, but she understood his need to avoid getting into this when there were more pressing issues on the table.

"Right," Kim said. "Because no Jack Bauer relationship is going to last long anyway." She looked at Renee. "Did he tell you how all the others ended? Did he tell you about my mother? What about Audrey?"

"I know what I need to," Renee said. She walked away, leaving Kim and Jack together.

"Spoken like a true Jack Bauer girlfriend," Kim said. She sipped the coffee and then turned to her father. "Are you looking to get married again?" she asked. "It's been long enough, right?" Renee heard the pain lurking inside Kim's anger. She supposed that would never go away. Renee wondered if Kim would ever be able to accept her in Jack's life. She didn't want to think about how Kim would react to the news of their child.

Jack set down his mug. "Why are you here?" he asked more sternly.

"Don't worry, Daddy, I'm not going to firebomb your love nest," Kim said. "I wouldn't have wasted my time on that." She opened her designer purse and took something out. Renee couldn't see it from where she was standing, but she assumed it was a photograph. "This is Christopher Wilson," Kim said. "He's been kidnapped."

"Why do you think that?" Jack said. He was still looking at the picture. Renee took a few steps closer and caught a glimpse of the photograph. It was of Kim with a man.

"He's been missing for several days," Kim said.

"Did you contact the police?" Renee asked.

"The police…and the FBI," Kim said. "They tell me there's no proof of a kidnapping, but I know he wouldn't just disappear. They just don't want to get involved because of his associates."

"What associates?" Renee asked.

"Terrorists," Jack said. He looked at Kim. "This man funds terrorists," he said.

"He provides assistance to international freedom fighters," Kim said.

"I know who he is," Jack said. "He's a traitor."

"You're one to talk," Kim said.

"That's enough," Renee said. She hadn't wanted to get involved, but this was escalating in a way that bothered her too much. "I know that your family issues are none of my business. But this is my home, and if you are going to talk here I'd appreciate you treating each other with respect, history be damned. Otherwise, please get the hell out of here, both of you."

Jack looked at Renee. "You're pale," he said. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Renee said, but it was a lie. She felt about ready to pass out.

"You should lie down," Jack said. "You just got out of the hospital."

"I'll be fine," Renee said.

"He's right, you look like hell," Kim said.

"Thanks," Renee said. She sat down on the sofa.

"Leave her out of this," Jack said to Kim. "If you want to treat me like crap that's fine; I deserve it. But that doesn't extend to everyone else." He looked at Renee. "Where are your pills?" he asked. "Have you taken one since you got here?" He didn't wait for an answer. Instead he walked over to the kitchen where she had left her purse.

Renee spotted the photograph where he had dropped it on the floor. In the picture Kim and Wilson had their arms around each other and were smiling. "How do you know this man?" she asked Kim.

"He's my husband," Kim said.

Renee looked over at Jack, who had the orange pill bottle out and was dumping out a pill. Fury had blossomed on his features. He got a bottle of water out of the fridge and walked to the sofa to hand the bottle and the pill to Renee. "Thank you," she said.

"Why don't you go lie down for a while?" Jack said.

Renee popped the pill in her mouth and swallowed it with some water. "Jack…"

"I'll be back when Kim and I are done talking," he said. Renee understood that aside from wanting her to rest Jack wanted to discuss this in private with his daughter. But she was worried about how that would affect him and whether he would use it as an excuse to disappear again.

Jack picked up the photograph and handed it back to Kim. "We'll talk about this somewhere else," he said. He walked over to the door.

After a moment Kim dropped the photograph in her purse, closed it, and followed him. "Good-bye, Agent Walker," Kim said.

"Good-bye, Kim," Renee said.

Jack opened the door and let Kim walk out first. He looked back at Renee, and she saw the conflict of emotions in his face. Then he walked out and closed the door behind him. Renee just stared at the closed door for a moment, and she realized that she was foolishly hoping that he would come back in. Of course he wouldn't; he had to deal with Kim. Renee leaned back against the sofa, closed her eyes, and sighed. She knew she couldn't control Jack any more than she could really protect him. He was a force of nature. All she could do was hold on to him when he was with her.

Renee stood up and walked into the bedroom where she undressed and crawled under the covers of the bed. After a half hour of restless thoughts, she finally fell asleep.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee felt a strong body against hers, and a moment later she felt soft lips on her neck. She thought she might be dreaming, though her dreams never felt that good. An arm wrapped around her, and a hand came to rest against her belly. "I love you," Renee said.

"I love you, too," Jack said.

"Are you OK?" Renee asked.

"Later," Jack said. He nuzzled her neck, and Renee's body responded with tingles of pleasure. She turned to face him, and he brought his lips to hers in a warm, passionate kiss. His hands slid down over her body. "Are you still hurting?" he asked softly.

"Not right now," Renee said.

* * * * * * * * * *

When Renee got out of the shower Jack had more food on the table: sandwiches, bottles of water, and chocolate chip cookies. "What is all this?" she asked.

"You need to eat," Jack said. His hair was still a mess from drying it with a towel after his shower. He looked cute in a casual Jack Bauer kind of way.

"How long was I in the shower?" Renee asked, pulling her own wet hair to one side. "Where did all this food come from?"

"I picked it up on the way back from talking with Kim," Jack said. "If you want something else…"

"It's fine," Renee said. She sat down, and then Jack did as well. He didn't look at her, and she could sense his discomfort. "You're going to leave again, aren't you?" she asked.

"Probably," Jack said.

"Where's Kim?" Renee asked. She grabbed a cookie and started to nibble on it.

"She has a hotel room in midtown," Jack said. He looked at Renee. "I'm sorry about all of that," he said. "Things have been difficult between Kim and me for a long time."

"I know," Renee said. After a pause she said, "How are you?"

"Not good," Jack said. He didn't elaborate, and Renee didn't push. She opened a bottle of water and pulled over a sandwich.

"Is there anything the FBI can do?" Renee said. "We can go in to…"

"You shouldn't get involved in this," Jack said.

"Jack…"

"This is a bad situation," Jack said. "This man…and Kim…" he shook his head. "I don't want you to be part of this."

"Well, I don't want you to go into a situation where you could be hurt or killed," Renee said. "But I know you will keep doing that. You can't stop me from…"

"I've lost so much already," Jack said. "Don't fight me on this." He stood up and walked over to the big windows looking out on Manhattan. Outside the sun was still shining on a fall afternoon. "This is all so ugly," Jack said. "But I'll handle it."

"You're scaring me," Renee said.

"I'll be all right," Jack said.

"I hope so," Renee said.

Jack didn't respond, and Renee walked past him and into the bedroom where she straightened the bedclothes and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a pink shirt. She went into the bathroom and got out the hair dryer. "What do you want from me?" Jack asked.

"I want you to let me help you," Renee said.

"What if I can't?" Jack said.

"Then we're going to have problems," Renee said.

Jack was silent. Renee felt a chill in the air between them. She looked in the mirror and saw Jack standing there for a moment, and then he was gone. Renee sighed and walked out of the bathroom. She found Jack standing at the window, looking solemn. "I'm sorry, Jack," she said. "I don't like that you shut me out."

"I don't want something to happen to you," Jack said.

"You can't protect me by standing in my way," Renee said. "You have to let me be who I am – especially since you expect the same in return."

Jack shook his head. "This man, Wilson," he said. "The web of connections from him goes through the darkest nests of terrorism…"

"You have to trust me, Jack," Renee said.

"I do," Jack said.

"No, you don't," Renee said.

Jack leaned against the window and looked at her. "I know how the world is – how my world is," he said. "I know that if I let you all the way into this you will get hurt or die and that child, our child, will wind up the way Kim is, if not worse."

"I know you're afraid," Renee said.

"You don't know," Jack said.

"I'm afraid too," Renee said. "But I can't sit this out, Jack. I can't let you push me aside."

"Do this for me," Jack said. "Stand down."

"I can't," Renee said.

"Renee…"

"You're asking me to do something you wouldn't do," Renee said.

"I didn't go to Angola," Jack said. "I stayed here with you. Now all I'm asking is that you stay out of this."

"That isn't all you're asking," Renee said. "You're asking me to play second fiddle to you."

"Damn it," Jack said. "This isn't about me making the decisions…"

Renee walked over to him. "Yes, it is," she said. "Letting you do that now opens the door for the future."

"You told me to stay here, and I did," Jack said. "I'm just asking you to show me the same respect when…"

Renee walked right up to him. "I respect you," she said. "And I can help you." She looked into his eyes and touched his arm. "I don't want to have this argument with you," she said. "Please, Jack. Please stop." She closed the space between them and pressed against him. After a moment Jack put his arm around her.

"This isn't fair," Jack said softly into her hair.

"All's fair," Renee replied, her head against his chest.

Jack was silent for a moment, and then he held her closer. "You're exhausting," he said finally.

Renee smiled. "Yeah, well, I got top grades in the FBI training course," she said. She stepped back. "Are we OK?" she asked.

Jack rubbed his face and sighed. "Yeah," he said. "Let's get to work."


	13. Chapter 13

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 13

By Morganperidot

"Jack, take a look at this," Renee said. They were in her office at the Manhattan FBI field office. Jack was seated in one of her guest chairs with a borrowed laptop while Renee was at her desk. It was a Saturday, so there was only a skeleton crew on staff in the building, which made it easier for the two of them to slip in and do some digging that was more on the personal side than the professional one. Renee had been looking at Christopher Wilson's financial records; Jack had been delving into Wilson's terrorist connections and their latest activities.

Jack set the laptop on the floor and walked over next to her. "What do you have?" he asked.

"Look at this," Renee said. She pointed to a transaction toward the top of the list; it was one of the more recent ones.

"68.48," Jack said. "What am I missing?"

"All of these transactions are in the thousands if not millions," Renee said, scrolling down the list to show him. "This is an anomaly," she said. Renee sighed. "Maybe it's nothing," she said.

"What is this code?" Jack asked, pointing to a collection of letters to the right of the number. Renee glanced at the ENKLLC that was across from the 68.48.

"An encryption of the other party in the transaction," Renee said.

"Can you find out who or what this is?" Jack asked.

"It's probably nothing," Renee said. She rubbed her neck. She felt tired, cramped, and frustrated. "Do you have anything?" she asked.

"Nothing so far," Jack said. "The groups he's hooked up with have been mostly dormant or doing small-scale activities. There's nothing that links up with the kidnapping of an American." He was silent for a moment. "Maybe we should get some air," he said.

Renee looked away from the screen and saw his face; Jack looked worried, and she didn't need to think too hard to figure out why. "I'm fine, Jack," she said. "It just seems like there's something here."

"I trust your instincts," Jack said. "I just need to get out of this room for a few minutes. I feel like my thoughts are stagnating." He stretched. "Come on," he said. "Come with me."

"Do you really want to find this guy, Jack?" Renee asked. She knew Jack thought Wilson was slime, but he was Kim's husband. Of course that may have been an even stronger reason for Jack to not find the guy. If Wilson never resurfaced he wouldn't be around to put Jack's daughter in danger.

"I said I would," Jack said evenly. Then he opened the door and walked out of the office.

Renee logged out of Wilson's personal financial files and then left her office. She found Jack pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I wasn't doubting your word, Jack," she said. "It's just that you would be more than justified in not giving this the two hundred percent you usually give to find this guy."

"I told my daughter I would find him," Jack said. "So I will. How I feel about it beyond that doesn't play into this." He sipped the coffee and then tossed the mostly full cup into the garbage. "I'll be back in a half hour," he said, and he walked away. Renee shook her head as she watched him go.

"Men are trouble, especially men like that," a voice nearby said.

Renee turned and looked at her boss, Special Agent Madison. "Yeah, well, women like me tend to push their buttons," Renee said.

Renee was surprised to see Madison smile. "That's what they like," she said.

Renee smiled too. "How long have you known?" she asked.

"Pretty much from when you first put in for your transfer," Madison said. "Moss had a lot to say about how Bauer brainwashed you. I knew from the moment I met you that there was something more to all of this. I could see you were a smart woman, and when I did a little digging on Bauer I figured out the rest of it."

Renee nodded and looked away. "You sound like you have experience with someone like him," she said.

"Had," Madison said. "Don't overdo it, Renee," she added quickly. "You just got out of the hospital yesterday." Madison walked away in the direction of her office.

Had, Renee thought. She didn't want to know why that was in the past tense. Instead of dwelling on it she went in search of Jack.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee found Jack around the side of the building wearing dark sunglasses…with a cigarette between his lips. She was surprised by the idea that he was a smoker, mostly because she had never seen him with a cigarette before. Then she had to remind herself that she hadn't really known him that long. Renee walked over to Jack. "Having a cigarette break?" she asked.

Jack removed the cigarette and showed her that the end was unlit. "I started smoking in high school," he said. "I wanted to show everyone how tough I was." Renee smiled thinking about teenage Jack Bauer playing the tough guy. "A few years later I met Teri," he said. He was looking down at the cigarette; after a moment he flicked it on the sidewalk. "She didn't like the smoking," Jack continued. "She didn't think it would be a good thing if we were going to have kids." Renee just waited, letting him spin out what he wanted to say. It was a nice autumn day, not too cool yet, and the trees still had their leaves. It was a good day to be outside and a good time to just take a moment to breathe. "I still stayed with it for a while," Jack said, "and she put up with it. Eventually I stopped, and about a year later we had Kim. There was nothing like holding her in my arms and seeing that little face. I was still so young and naïve; it felt like the world was opening up and giving me this little piece of joy that would never go away. I remember how Teri looked that first day, the tears glistening in her eyes. I remember all of it, all the promises I made and all the ones I broke over and over again. They never go away."

Jack crushed the cigarette with his foot. "This man is dangerous," he said. "If some terrorist cell kills him the world will be a better place. But I made a promise to Kim, and I will keep it."

"OK," Renee said simply.

Jack looked at her. "I told you I didn't want you involved in this," he said.

"And I offered to help you, Jack," Renee said. "If I want out I'll get out."

"I can do this on my own," Jack said.

"I know that," Renee said. "But you aren't on your own anymore." He looked away, and silence descended between them. For the first time in a long time she didn't feel the anxiety and urgency in him, and that may have been what she had misinterpreted as lack of dedication to this operation. She reached over and touched his hand with hers.

"I know," Jack said softly. "Thank you." Renee smiled. She moved closer and kissed his cheek. Jack touched her side gently. "I haven't told Kim about all of this yet," he said.

"It's probably not the best time," Renee said, and she was surprised when Jack laughed.

"Believe me, there's never a good time," he said.

"I just meant that with Wilson missing and all of this…tension we may want to wait rather than add more to it," Renee said.

"I get that," Jack said. "But I don't think it's going to matter what else is hanging in the balance. It's probably best to just put this on the table."

"Are you angry with her?" Renee asked.

Jack removed his sunglasses. "Kim?" he asked.

"Yes," Renee said. "Are you…"

"I'm not throwing this in her face because I'm upset about her marrying a terrorist," Jack said.

"It could look that way," Renee said. "She may think you're disappointed with her so you're announcing her replacement."

"This child isn't a replacement," Jack said.

"I know that," Renee said. "I just don't think it's the right time to bring this up."

"Fine," Jack said. He put the sunglasses back on. "We should get back to work," he said.

"We need to finish this discussion," Renee said.

"It's finished," Jack said. "You're right; it's not a good time." His tone was straightforward, but Renee's instincts told her he was still upset.

"We can talk about this later," Renee said. Jack didn't say anything, and there was no comfort to be found in that silence.

* * * * * * * * * *

A half hour later they hadn't exchanged more than ten words between them. They were back in Renee's office at their respective computers. Renee was getting tired of digging through a pile of information without finding any leads on who might have taken Wilson…assuming he didn't just drop off the radar on his own, which was certainly a possibility, whether or not Kim thought so. Renee wasn't getting anywhere, and from his lack of saying anything she assumed Jack wasn't either. "What if he doesn't want to be found?" Renee said finally. Jack was silent. "I don't really buy that he had to be taken," she continued. "He could have just disappeared on his own and all of this is a waste of time." She just shook her head. "I mean we might as well just put a map on the wall and throw darts at it as look through all of this stuff."

Jack looked up. "Do you have a map?" he asked seriously.

"You want to throw darts at one?" Renee said.

Jack set the computer aside and stood up. "Do you have a printout of Wilson's financial transactions?" he asked. Renee looked through the papers on her desk, excited by Jack's sudden animation. She found the sheet with the most recent transactions and handed it to him. "ENKLLC," Jack said.

"Does that mean something to you?" Renee asked.

"Is there a large map around here?" Jack asked.

"The conference room," Renee said.

"Show me," Jack said. Renee went out into the hallway and led Jack to the big conference room on that floor. Jack walked past her to the map and stood there looking at the right side, specifically Central Asia. "Kazakhstan," Jack said.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Renee asked.

"48-E, 68-N," Jack said, as if this should somehow make sense to her. When he saw it didn't, he continued. "The K is either Kazakhstan in general or some town. The LLC is longitude and latitude coordinates."

Renee looked at map and then back at him. "Are you kidding?" she asked.

"No, I'm sure of it," Jack said. "Is there any activity there?"

Renee thought about it, and then she remembered that a team had been sent to Kazakhstan because of a group there. "There's a Blue Scorpion cell that's active," she said. She saw Jack reach for his cell phone. "Whom are you calling?" she asked.

"I need to get a flight out to…" Without thinking about it, Renee grabbed his phone and threw it hard against the wall of the conference room, where it made a sickening crack and then fell in pieces on the floor. They both just looked at it for a moment and then Jack said, "Can I borrow your phone?"

"This isn't funny, Jack," Renee said.

"I know that," Jack said, "but something has to be done about this."

"Assuming Wilson is even in Kazakhstan, we have a team there," Renee said. "You don't have to go halfway around the world to save the day, Jack. The agents already there can bring Wilson back."

Jack looked at the map in silence for a moment. "So it's OK for those men and women to risk their lives as long as it keeps me safe?" he said.

"Yes," Renee said. Jack looked at her. "What answer did you expect to that, Jack? Of course I'd pick you."

"I can't let people get injured or die over this," Jack said. "It's a personal matter."

"I can't let you get injured or die over this," Renee said. "That's a personal matter too."

Jack leaned against the conference table and looked at her. "We are both going to be in these situations," he said.

"So then you wouldn't have a problem with me going with you," Renee said.

"If you weren't pregnant I wouldn't," Jack said.

"Why?" Renee said. "You think I'm going to go all hormonal and mess things up?"

Jack smiled. "Yeah, exactly," he said. He walked over to her. "I don't want this child put into a bad situation," he said. "I can't stop you from going any more than you can stop me. I'm just asking that you not do it this time because of the baby."

"Or the next time, or the next," Renee said. "Am I supposed to be tied to my desk for nine months?"

"That's not exactly the location I would pick," Jack said.

"Now who's playing whom?" Renee said. Jack closed the space between them and kissed her lips softly. Renee slid her arms around him and embraced him, letting her eyes close. "I can't lose you, Jack," she said.

"You won't," Jack said. "I promise you that."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Renee said.

Jack pulled out of the embrace and put his palms against Renee's cheeks. "I want this," he said. "I'm not letting it go. I'll come back to you." He moved his hands down to her belly. "To both of you."

"You're damn right you will," Renee said firmly.

"Thank you," Jack said.

"I'll contact the FBI team leader there," Renee said in her professional tone. "We'll get you transportation to their site."

"I need to call Kim," Jack said. He looked over at his smashed phone on the floor. "Could I…"

Renee handed him her cell phone and headed back to her office.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee went home after seeing Jack off at his plane. She was exhausted again, and she felt like she hadn't eaten or slept for a week although it had only been a matter of hours. Of course the being shot and having surgery part of the last couple days might have helped to perpetuate her exhaustion, along with the fact that she was back to worrying about Jack.

He had given her his word that he could come back, but what did words mean when someone was going up against people willing to do anything to anyone? Renee shook her head. She wasn't going to go there. Jack would be fine the same way she would be fine if she was the one going over there. She refused to believe anything to the contrary.

She had picked up a pizza at the place on the corner, and she set it down on the table before getting a bottle of water out of the fridge. She paused for a moment in the middle of the kitchen, and then took the bottle of Barbadian rum out of one of the cabinets. She wasn't going to drink any, but it made her feel better to see it, like there was something that tied back to when she met Jack in DC and through to the future. She slid her fingers down the bottle. "Be safe," she said.

Renee sat down at the table and started to dig into the mushroom-and-olive pizza. The apartment was disturbingly empty and quiet, so she got up and turned on the TV, carefully selecting an old sitcom rather than a news show. She knew it was foolish to think that if she didn't hear anything bad then nothing bad would happen. But she stayed away from the news anyway.

When she'd had her fill of pizza and emptied the bottle of water, Renee wrapped up the remaining slices and put them in the fridge. She figured she should probably just take the box out to the garbage right away so it wasn't lying around for hours. She picked it up and went to the door. Swinging the door open with her free hand she came face to face with Kim Bauer Wilson.

"We need to talk," Kim said.


	14. Chapter 14

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 14

By Morganperidot

Renee let Kim into her apartment, set down the empty pizza box she was holding, and shut the door. Kim was dressed more casually than the expensive suit she had worn the last time she had visited there; this time it was a simple outfit of navy pants and a light blue blouse, with her hair pulled back in ponytail. Renee was wearing the standard jeans and solid-color t-shirt – this one being brown – that she wore when Jack was around. However, at the moment Jack wasn't around; earlier in the day Renee had seen him off at the plane that would take him to Kazakhstan in search of Kim's husband, Christopher Wilson. Then Renee had come home with a pizza…and was now facing Kim, who had something she wanted to discuss.

Renee watched Kim survey the apartment in a way so similar to how her father looked at things. Jack hadn't said much about what he had discussed with Kim in the call he made to her after he decided to go to Kazakhstan. Although earlier he had wanted to tell Kim about their relationship and the baby, Renee had disagreed, and he had gone along with putting it off at least until this business with Wilson was over. So she didn't think Jack had told Kim anything about them...so what did Kim want to discuss?

"Can I get you something?" Renee asked. "Coffee?"

"Water would be fine," Kim said softly, with a meaning-infused quiet tone that was also so similar to her father's.

As she got a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, Renee thought about what she had read in Jack's file about Kim. The woman had certainly needed to grow up quickly, spending her late teens and early twenties surrounded by the kinds of losses and bizarre circumstances that most people didn't see one of in a lifetime. It was clear that she still maintained some bitterness against Jack, although Renee had no idea how their recent one-on-one discussions had gone, or why Kim had chosen now, when her father was thousands of miles away, to confront her. Renee had a feeling she wasn't in for a pleasant evening with Kim.

Renee walked over to Kim and handed her the bottle. "Thanks," Kim said.

"Please sit wherever you like," Renee said, and then she walked over to the sofa and sat.

"You have a nice place here," Kim said, glancing over at the big windows that looked out on Manhattan. "Is New York better than DC?"

"It's different," Renee said. "They both have their pluses and minuses."

"Right," Kim said. "Like everything." She sat on the other end of the sofa. "I know I was sort of abrupt the last time I was here," she said. "I'm sorry about that."

"Thanks, but that isn't necessary," Renee said. She noticed that Kim didn't look at her when she spoke, and Renee had reason to doubt the sincerity of her words. Kim had clearly learned some of Jack's tactics, but as would be expected, her skills in employing them weren't at her father's levels.

"Can we speak directly?" Kim asked.

"Of course," Renee replied.

"Are you in love with my father?" Kim asked.

"Yes," Renee said, simply and honestly.

"Does he love you?" Kim asked.

"Your father would have to answer that," Renee said.

Kim drank some water and set the bottle down on the coffee table. "You don't have to answer it," Kim said, "but I can tell that you think he does. I could see it the first time I was here. You think you know him because you've spent a few days with him and a few hours in his arms. But, Agent Walker, I'm sorry about this too. You don't really know Jack Bauer at all."

Renee sat straight against the sofa and held Kim Bauer Wilson's gaze. Somehow she wasn't surprised by all of this; after all, doubt was the most powerful weapon in any interrogation. Create doubt, and you get that claw-hold for tearing someone's whole reality apart. Create doubt, and everything that person thought they believed becomes an illusion. "And you're here to tell me who he is?" Renee said. "Why?"

"My father has hurt a lot of people," Kim said, "especially a lot of women who thought they knew him and loved him…and that he was capable of feeling the same." Kim released an exaggerated sigh. "You see, Agent Walker, my father is something only someone of his own flesh can really see," she said. "He's a monster."

Someone of his own flesh, Renee thought. Really? What about someone with his own flesh inside of her? "In what sense?" Renee asked calmly.

"I know you don't believe me," Kim said. "You think this is all about some grudge I hold against him. However, none of that matters to me anymore. I have a new life with Christopher. Once he's back with me you will never hear from me again, and neither will my father. I don't want his poison in my life."

"That sure sounds like someone holding a grudge," Renee said.

"What's true is true," Kim said. "Having him around is destructive, like pouring acid on yourself and everything else that matters to you. My father is a chameleon; he'll tell you that much himself. He camouflages himself to get what he needs from the situation he's in. He'll make you believe all kinds of things about him and his motivations, but it's all lies. I don't think there is any truth in him anymore. He just does what he does and then moves on to something else."

"So, your recommendation is that I cut Jack lose to protect myself?" Renee said evenly, holding back the bitter sarcasm and anger that wanted to drip into her tone.

"That would be wise," Kim said, "but I doubt you will."

"How is it you haven't seen Jack in years and yet you know him and his current motivations so very well?" Renee asked.

"He's my father…"

"What does Christopher think of Jack?" Renee asked. She realized she was slipping into her professional interrogation techniques, but she tried to keep it as low key as possible for the moment.

"Christopher supports me," Kim said.

I'll be he does, Renee thought. "How did you meet him?" she asked.

"I didn't come here to discuss my relationship with my husband," Kim said.

"True, but you did come here to tell me how things should be between me and Jack," Renee said. "I'm just wondering about your relationship credentials."

"I'm an expert on my father," Kim said, "not relationships." She stood up. "If you don't want to listen to me, that's your loss. And it will be a huge loss, I promise you that. My father will leave you, and he will leave you devastated." She walked toward the door.

"Kim, tell me one thing," Renee said. "Why did you get involved with Christopher? Did you know who he was and what he does? Did you do it to hurt your father?"

"Christopher is a good man…"

"He's a man your father despises," Renee said. "He's a man your father knows is dangerous…that's what this is, isn't it? You marry a bad guy and Jack has to come to the rescue, right? He has to show he loves you?"

"At least he does love me," Kim said.

"Yes, he does," Renee said.

"You don't know," Kim said. "You'll never know. My father's heart will only ever belong to his family, me and my mother. You'll never be anything more to him than the latest whore in the chain. You're only fooling yourself if you think otherwise." She opened the door and slammed it shut behind her.

Renee just shook her head for a moment, and then she sighed and went to the bedroom. She thought about Jack for a moment, good thoughts, safe thoughts. Then she undressed and went to bed. Kim's words continued to ring in her ears for a while, but she finally fell asleep.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee went back to work. She focused on leading her team and not worrying about Jack…as much as she could avoid that anyway. A couple of times she thought about giving the team leader in Kazakhstan a call, but both times she decided not to. She didn't want to be the foolish woman checking up on her man. Jack would be fine; he had promised he would come back to her, and he would. Renee told herself she believed that.

She also told herself she didn't believe anything the Kim had told her. After all, Jack had been the one who had wanted to put their relationship "on the table" and tell Kim about the baby. But then what was their relationship? How did Jack see it? He seemed willing to acknowledge their child as his own…but was there any future with him beyond that? Did he want one? Renee knew there was no way to answer those questions without the man himself there, so the best thing to do was to set them aside for the time being.

Renee found some release from her concerns in her work, analyzing situations and leading her team both in the office and the field. Jack may not have wanted her with him in the field in Kazakhstan, but that wasn't going to keep her from being actively involved in her team's operations. She hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy other than Jack, and she didn't intend to reveal it until it became obvious to anyone looking at her. She had always kept in "FBI fighting shape," so she should be showing relatively soon. She would concern herself with how to deal with that issue when it presented itself.

A couple of days after Kim's visit, Renee's FBI team had located the headquarters of a new drug cartel, and she went to that location with them, leading the way. They rounded up most of the cartel with only minor injuries to the team; Renee received a nasty knife cut on her arm from one the cartel members, which ruined one of her favorite shirts but was easily stitched up by one of the FBI medics.

It was after that when she began worrying about Jack again and reconsidered the idea of just "touching base" with the team leader in Kazakhstan. Renee found his phone number and even started punching it into her phone before she thought better of it and hung up. She didn't want Jack to think she didn't trust or have faith in him. There was nowhere good that could lead. If he was already wary about a commitment he certainly wouldn't want to be saddled with a woman who was going to be looking into what he was doing every time he wasn't around her. Besides, she thought, there was no point to it; whatever was going to happen would happen. Calling wouldn't do either of them any good.

Back in her office, Renee leaned back in her chair and sighed. With Larry the things had never been like this, or with Billy, but this relationship was different, at a different level with a different type of man. After all there was no one like Jack, so no relationship would ever be like one with Jack. And the worst thing she could do was try to force it into some conventional mold that society had cooked up for itself.

Her phone rang. The caller ID was blocked, so she answered it officially, "Walker."

"So you had to go and get injured there?" Jack said.

Renee smiled. "Yeah, well, you know the job," she said. "How did you hear about it?"

"I have my ways," Jack said.

There was a silent moment, and then Renee said, "I wish you were here." She immediately regretted it, thinking it sounded too needy.

Then Jack said, "Me too." They let that silence play out as several warm, connected seconds between them.

"What's going on with Wilson?" Renee asked finally.

"He's with Blue Scorpion," Jack said. "We don't really know the situation, whether it's willing or not, but he's been spotted in that cell." Renee waited it out. "We're planning an operation, but to be honest it looks about twelve different shades of crazy to go in there," Jack said. "I can't really see an official operation taking shape."

Renee knew what that meant. "Don't do this on your own, Jack," she said. "Just don't. I know you gave your word to Kim, but this is too much to ask of you."

"I know," Jack said.

"But you're going to do it anyway," Renee said. She paused for a moment and knew she didn't want to hear any more. "Call me when you get back in the States," she said. "I love you."

"I love you too," Jack said.

Renee shut off the phone and set it on her desk. She was hurt and angry, and she hated it. She hated the stupidity of it, and she wanted more than anything to go to Kim and yell at her about the downright BS of it all. But she didn't; she just sat there and stared at the phone and wondered if that would be the last time she would speak to Jack.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee didn't hear from Jack the next day, and at work she stayed away from any reports about Kazakhstan. She didn't want to hear about it that way; she didn't want to know what happened from some third-party source. When Jack came back he would tell her, and if he didn't…it was better not to know.

The next day, there was still nothing from Jack. Renee's confidence wavered, and she wondered if it made sense to even consider discussing a commitment with him. He was always going to be running off somewhere, and he certainly wasn't going to have the time for or interest in raising a child. She knew she would be better off not pretending that they were going to be a family. There was no way that was going to happen.

And even worse…what if he never came back?

Renee pushed that thought out of her mind as far as she could, but it was always there, always lurking. She could tell herself it didn't matter, that what they had was ephemeral at best anyway. She couldn't hold on to him. They were nothing more than transient lovers who would share a child. Jack wasn't going to be her boyfriend or her husband. There was nothing between them but mutual affection and a love child, and in the end that wasn't really anything.

Except it was something. Aside from her career it was everything, and it meant more to Renee than her career. Jack meant more to her, and she wanted him with her.

However, she was well aware that it was probably already too late. Her Jack might be gone forever, his life lost on some meaningless mission in Kazakhstan for a selfish daughter who didn't understand how valuable that life was.

Renee went to bed early that night, trying to use sleep to stop the sad thoughts that were trying to crowd their way into her mind. But lying on her bed in the darkness didn't do much to keep them out. She felt the tears building up, but she told herself no, not yet. He's coming back, she told herself. He has to.

When she finally fell asleep Renee had a dream in which she was leaving work and walking to her car. She saw Jack standing there dressed in black and wearing dark glasses; she waved to him, but then a moment later she was struck with a sharp pain to the gut and crumpled on the sidewalk in agony; when she was finally able to look for Jack, he was gone. When she woke, Renee found herself soaked in sweat and shaking, with tears rolling down her face. She put a trembling hand over her belly, certain that she losing the baby. But there was nothing, no pain, no blood, nothing but her heavy breathing in the dark, claustrophobic room. She swung her feet around and just sat on the side of the bed with her hands on her face weeping in a way that she hadn't for a long time, absolutely shaken to the core.

Renee flinched when her cell phone started to ring from where she had left it on the nightstand by the bed. After looking at it for a moment she wiped her face with her hands and reached for it in the darkness, flipped it open, and answered without looking at the caller ID, "Walker."

"What's wrong?" Jack said.

"Jack," she said. "Where are you? Are you OK?"

"I'm at the base," Jack said. "I'll be there in a half hour. What happened? Do you want me to send someone sooner?"

"It's OK," Renee said, but she could hear the shaking in her voice. "I'm OK. I just need you home."

"I'm on my way," Jack said.

"Thank you," Renee said, feeling foolish, but she just wanted to hold him in her arms. She shut off the phone and set it on the nightstand, then sat on the bed for a few moments longer trying to pull herself together before getting up and turning on the light. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. She just stood there with her eyes closed for several seconds. Finally she opened her them and went to the bathroom, where she showered, then dressed in a purple t-shirt and jeans and left her wet hair hanging loose.

Renee walked into the kitchen and got out a box of peanut butter cookies that she began to eat systematically while emptying a bottle of water. She was finally feeling steady again when she heard the door open and close – and Renee looked over at Jack as he pocketed his key. His white shirt and jeans were a relief to see. He walked over to her. "Are you really OK?" he asked. "The baby?"

"Yes," Renee said. "You?"

"I think so," Jack said.

Renee backed him up against a wall and pressed into his firm, strong body. "I need to feel you," she said. Jack held her against him and kissed her passionately. Renee slid her hands under his shirt and felt the muscles under his warm, smooth skin.

Jack brought his lips to her ear. "What about…"

"Later," Renee said. She saw his smile, and she took his hand and led him to the bedroom, where they chased away all the bad feelings and fear her dream had brought.

But later than night Renee was haunted by the same dream: Jack dressed in black at the car, the gut pain, Jack gone. She woke again trembling. "What's going on?" Jack asked softly from beside her on the bed.

"Something's wrong," Renee said.


	15. Chapter 15

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 15

By Morganperidot

"I'll call 911," Jack said, reaching for his phone beside the bed. He was reacting to Renee's statement that something was wrong.

"No," Renee said. "It isn't like that." What it was like was a bad dream about her, Jack, and the baby.

Jack turned and looked at her, his intelligent eyes barely visible in the darkness of her bedroom. "It isn't the baby?" he said.

"No," Renee said, "not physically." She knew that sounded strange and stupid, but she didn't know how else to put it. "It was just a dream," she said. Jack was silent, and Renee had no idea what he was thinking. "I didn't mean to scare you," she said. "It's the second time I've had this dream and…"

"What was the dream?" Jack asked. His voice had slipped into a distant, even tone. He was sitting on the bed beside her, but a gulf had opened between them so quickly and silently that Renee hadn't even noticed it was there. Of course she had spent the moments of its development babbling to him, so it really shouldn't have been a shock. She touched his hand where it was lying on the bed. He looked at her, then down at their hands, and then he curled his fingers around hers. "Tell me," he said, and like that he was plugged back into the moment. Renee moved closer to him, and Jack put his arms around her. "Are you OK?" he asked into her hair.

"I hope so," Renee said. "I want everything to be OK."

Jack held her close to him. "I want that too," he said. Renee was surprised by the tears that she felt welling up behind her eyes. She didn't say anything, afraid that Jack would hear them in her voice. No matter what they said to one another all of this felt so impermanent. In way Renee felt like she had already lost him, like they were living on borrowed time from a future when there would be no possibility of them. A tear slid out of her right eye and down her cheek, and Renee was glad she was facing away from him. "Tell me about the dream," Jack said.

"It was just a nightmare," Renee said, trying to keep the emotions she was feeling out of her tone. "It wasn't real." She moved away from him, reluctantly leaving his warmth behind, and got off the bed. "I'm going to get some juice," she said. "Do you want something?"

"I want you to tell me what's going on," Jack said.

"I'm just stressed and tired," Renee said. She walked to the doorway. "I overreacted about a stupid nightmare," she said. "I just need to get up and walk around for a few minutes. You can go back to sleep, Jack. I'm fine." She pulled on a robe that she found on the floor of the bedroom, went out into the big main room, and walked through to the kitchen. She wasn't sure what she was doing, and she didn't like it. Why hadn't she stayed in Jack's arms? Why was she shutting him out? She knew better than to think there was any safe way out of this relationship. It was going to hurt like hell when she finally lost him. She knew she should enjoy every moment she had to him because the next one could always be the last. But her defense mechanisms still kept going up, trying to protect her from the inevitable pain losing Jack was going to cause her.

Renee heard Jack coming, and she looked over at him as he entered the kitchen. He was wearing a pair of jeans, and his chest and feet were bare. "So, this isn't really about the dream," he said. "It's about us."

"We should talk in the morning," Renee said, pouring some pomegranate juice into a glass. "We're both tired."

"Is this about me going to Kazakhstan?" Jack asked.

"I know you had to do that, Jack," Renee said. She sipped the juice and looked away from him and over at the windows that showed her Manhattan at night. Sometimes she missed DC; sometimes she wondered what might have happened if she hadn't met Jack. How would her career have progressed there? Would she and Larry have reunited? Would her life have been better or worse? Sometimes she didn't know.

"I didn't have to," Jack said. "I shouldn't have."

"You promised Kim," Renee said.

"She took advantage of me," Jack said. "I knew it, and I let her do it. And when I was there I continued to follow the same self-destructive path I always have."

Renee emptied the juice and set the glass in the sink before returning the bottle to the fridge. "We can talk about this in the morning," she said.

"You're upset with me," Jack said.

Renee shook her head. "I'm not upset, Jack," she said. "I knew you would do all of that. I understand that." She looked at him. "I just had a bad dream, and I'm a little hormonal," she said. "That's all."

Jack held her gaze for a moment, and then walked over to the windows. She knew the wheels in his brain were turning, but he didn't say anything about what his thoughts were. Renee stood in the kitchen looking at him and listening to the thought churning in her own brain that was telling her to let go now, hurt him, hurt yourself before this goes any further. She could still cut him loose…maybe; it mattered how far he had really settled in. If it wasn't that far yet maybe they could both get out with limited heartache.

"Tell me the dream," Jack said.

Renee sighed. Jack looked her. "I'm leaving the FBI building and walking to my car," she said. She could remember it clearly, more clearly than she remembered most of her dreams. "I see you there, dressed all in black, wearing dark glasses. I'm happy to see you, like it's been a long time since we've been together. I wave to you, but before I get to you I have this pain, this sharp pain in the gut, and then I'm down on the ground. When I look for you, you're gone." Jack looked away, back at the window. "It just seems so real that it scares me," she said. "That's really all there is to it."

Jack was silent, and Renee waited. A minute passed, and the silence continued. Renee wasn't sure what to do; it was a strange situation to be in, as she almost always knew what the options were and how to decide which one was the best. She had developed into one of the best team leaders in the FBI, and other team leaders around the country had begun consulting her for analysis and feedback. Yet here she was, standing barefoot in nothing but a robe, looking at the man she loved from several yards away with no idea how to handle this situation.

"You said, 'Something's wrong,'" Jack said. "Did you mean between us?"

"I don't know what I meant, Jack," Renee said. "Honestly, I was half asleep and still terrified from the dream. If anything, I probably thought it was some sign that something bad was going to happen to the baby."

"Do you think I'm only here because of the baby?" Jack said.

"I know you love me, Jack," Renee said.

"But if there were no baby, there would be no real bond between us," Jack said.

"Love…"

"Is just a word," Jack said.

"No, I know you feel something; you want to be here," Renee said

"And yet I keep putting myself in situations where I could be killed," Jack said. "I keep leaving…"

"That's part of who you are," Renee said. "I understand that."

"Understanding it isn't enough," Jack said. "I understand why you don't want to tell me what you're really feeling. I don't want to hear it. I want things to just go on like they always have and pretend like none of this has to lead somewhere. But we've gotten to the point where we have to fish or cut bait."

"There's just no point, Jack," Renee said. "I can tell you that I hate it, but you already know that. It's part of who you are; stopping it would be like cutting off an arm or leg. I don't want to change you; I don't want you try to be something that you aren't. I think the best thing is to just let this be, let it run its course. It isn't going to be forever; I don't think I ever really thought it would be. The baby complicates things, but we'll deal with it."

"You'll deal with it," Jack said not looking at her.

"I won't shut you out, Jack," Renee said. "This child will know who his father is…"

"You've already given up on me," Jack said.

Renee was stunned, and her instant impulse was to deny it. "No, I…"

"How long have I been living this lie?" Jack asked. He shook his head. "I've really lost my touch, you know?" he said. "I never saw it. This is why you didn't want me to tell Kim. It's just a game – high stakes – but just a game. And when it's over, when it's played out, that's just the end. I never saw it…I never saw through it. I've become such a fool."

Renee's head was spinning, and for a moment she couldn't get a grip on what he was saying on how to respond to it. It was all wrong, turned around in the wrong direction, and spiraling out of control. "That isn't…"

"You can stop now," Jack said. "I get it. There's no future for Jack Bauer. How could there be? After what I've done, with who I am…"

"Stop it, Jack," Renee said.

"You stop," Jack said. "All the pieces fit; I see that now, a little late, but I see it. I know I'm broken; I've known it since the day I held Teri's dead body in my arms. I ruined Kim's life and Audrey's; I have no right to push myself any deeper into yours. It's the right decision; I've always known that. I just let myself be deluded for a while." He walked away, through the main room and into the bedroom. After another stunned moment Renee followed and found him getting dressed.

"This isn't right, Jack," Renee said. "I love you. I want to be with you…"

"We can talk tomorrow, about the baby," Jack said. He slipped on his shoes.

"Jack, just stay," Renee said. "This went off on some bad tangent, but it's not right. What you're thinking isn't right. Everything's messed up right now, and if you leave like this it's just going to get worse. We need to figure it out."

Jack stood there for a moment looking at her, and Renee thought that he might have changed his mind. But then he just walked out of the bedroom. A moment later she heard the front door open and close, and she stood there staring at the bed baffled by what had happened.

* * * * * * * * * *

The next day at the Manhattan FBI office Renee saw Jack and her boss, Agent Madison coming out a conference room. She had a feeling he saw her as well, but he headed off in a different direction. Renee went after him, deciding that it sure as hell wasn't going to end like this. If they were going to break up, it wasn't going to be over a misunderstanding. "Jack," she said.

He turned. "I have to talk to Kim," he said.

"Did you bring Wilson back?" Renee asked.

"Wilson's dead," Jack said.

He turned away, and Renee grabbed his arm. "I need to talk with you now, Jack," she said. It was a dumb, unprofessional play, but she wasn't going to let him slip away until they cleared this up. She kept her hand on his arm, and he didn't move away. Renee could feel the eyes around the office looking at them, but she didn't care.

"OK," Jack said finally, and they walked to her office wordlessly.

Renee closed the door and sat on the side of her desk. Jack remained standing. They hadn't turned the light on; there was something more comforting about the dark. "I haven't given up on you," Renee said. "I just know this isn't going to have some traditional ending with a white picket fence and a house in the suburbs."

"You've made these assumptions about me," Jack said, "the same assumptions that everyone else makes. I wanted to believe there was something different here, that you really did understand me."

"What don't I understand?" Renee asked. Jack just stood there silently and didn't respond. She waited while he worked through it, what he wanted and what he wanted to do.

"I don't want this to be a bunch of BS," Jack said. "It's not about sex, games, walking on eggshells, and lying. I want it to be something real, something that lasts."

"How do we do that, Jack?" Renee asked.

"We could start by not trying not to do it," Jack said. "What do you want? If this is enough for you…"

"I just assumed that the best thing was not to push you," Renee said. "I figured it was better to have what I could have rather than to drive you away and have nothing."

Jack was silent for a moment, and then he said, "I have some things to take care of. Are you going to be at home later?"

"Yeah," Renee said. Jack went to the door. "There's something you should know before you talk to Kim, in case she brings it up." Jack looked back at her. "She came to visit me at home a few days ago, ostensibly to warn me about how you were going to ditch and devastate me. The end of it turned on how you would only ever love her and Teri, and I was just fooling myself to think otherwise."

Dark anger slipped into Jack's gaze. "Is that why…"

"I knew she was trying to manipulate me, Jack," Renee said. "The other issue…that was there before; it's always been there. I just didn't want her to blindside you with this."

Jack said nothing for a moment, and she felt a flicker of something there between them, that connection, the one that went all the way back to DC and couldn't be denied. "Do you still have that rum?" Jack asked.

Renee knew he was referring to the Barbadian rum she had first given him back in DC. "Yeah," she said.

"I think I'm going to need it," Jack said.

"Did you kill Wilson?" Renee asked.

"No," Jack said. "But she'll never believe that."

* * * * * * * * * *

When Renee got home to her apartment she went to the kitchen and got the bottle of rum out of the cabinet. She set the bottle and a shot glass on the counter and thought about that day in DC when Jack was still in trouble with the Senate subcommittee and she was beginning to accept what she had thought was no more than a physical attraction to him. Of course it had been more, even then.

Renee got a blanket and curled up on the sofa, watching the news for a while and then a few syndicated sitcom episodes. She was tired, and eventually she fell asleep there with the TV still on. She didn't know how much time passed before she heard the door open, but it seemed like she had been asleep for a while. She kept her eyes closed, listening as Jack walked over to the counter where she had left the bottle. He must have taken his shoes off, because his steps were soft and quiet. Renee opened her eyes and looked over at him, standing there in his stocking feet with his back to her. He wasn't drinking the rum; he wasn't doing anything, just standing there. Renee stood up and walked over to him, her own bare feet just as quiet. She walked right up to him and put her arms around him, around his waist from behind. She could feel the sadness in him, thick and deep. "I love you, Jack," she said. He didn't respond. "Come over to the sofa and sit with me," she said.

"In a minute," Jack said softly. He filled the shot glass and knocked it back, then filled it again and emptied it a second time. Renee stood there beside him, but he didn't look at her. She sensed that he had been crying, and that made her heart ache. He turned the empty shot glass upside down next to the bottle. "Thank you," he said. He paused, and then he added, "If you want me to go, tell me now."

"I don't want you to go, Jack," Renee said. "I've never wanted you to go."

Jack looked at her then. "I can't talk about any of this now," he said.

"You don't have to talk about anything," Renee said. "You don't have to do anything."

"There's always something…"

"Not tonight," Renee said. She touched the fingers of his left hand with those on her right hand. Jack moved close to her, slid his arms around her, and held her close, and Renee held him. It was suddenly all so simple, and she didn't understand how it had ever been so complicated. For a long time they just stood there together, and it was like there had never been anything else to the world but those perfect moments.

Then Jack gently touched the bandage on her arm that covered the stitches from a cut she had gotten while on an operation against a drug cartel. "I'm sorry about last night," Jack said finally. "I lost focus…"

"That doesn't matter anymore," Renee said.

Jack touched her face lightly with his fingertips. "It does," he said.

"We both made mistakes," Renee said.

"Understatement," Jack said. He sighed. "We have a lot of things to talk about," he said.

"Not tonight," Renee said. "We're both tired, and those things will wait." She moved close to him and kissed him gently, then fed off his response, eyes closed, warmth flowing through her. They weren't going to make it to the bedroom, so they went to the sofa, kissing, touching, undressing, the heat building…and then a phone was ringing, his phone; Renee knew for certain the ringtone wasn't one of hers. "Jack…"

"It'll wait," he said, and the fire burned on.


	16. Chapter 16

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 16

By Morganperidot

"Can you see it?" Renee asked, sliding her hands over her belly.

"I can see a lot of things," Jack teased. He was lying beside her on the bed in her apartment. It was late in the morning, closing on noon, but they had only left the bedroom briefly for the necessities.

"I'm serious," Renee said. "Can you tell I'm pregnant?"

Jack rolled onto his side beside her. "What is this?" he asked.

"It's just a straightforward question," Renee said. "Not everything is loaded with innuendo, Jack. No everything requires analysis. Sometimes things just are what they appear to be."

"OK," Jack said. He smiled and touched her belly gently. "Yes," he said, "there's something, an extra curve." He leaned over and kissed her there softly. "It's beautiful," he said.

Renee smiled too then. She touched his hair and then brought her lips to his for a long, slow kiss. Then she looked into his eyes. "I'm going to have to tell people soon," she said. "Are you OK with that?" she asked.

"Yes," Jack said. Then he paused, and the look in his eyes turned serious. "You don't have to tell them about me," he said, "if you don't want to. I know my name carries a lot of baggage. You don't have to tell them, at least not yet."

"What are we going to do, Jack?" Renee asked, wondering about more than just telling people about the baby.

"We'll do this however you want," Jack said.

Renee sat up. "It isn't that easy," she said. Jack rolled onto his back but he was silent. "I love you," she said. "I want to be with you. I want to have this baby with you and raise it with you…"

"I'm always going to be Jack Bauer," Jack said. "And that is always going to mean something to people in our line of work, one way or the other. It's always going to be reflected on you and our child. You have to decide if that's what you want to live with."

"Damn it, Jack…"

"I can't change what I've done or why I did it," Jack said. "I've sure as hell wanted to; you know that. But in the end it's always the same. There's no going back and changing things, there's only this moment, right now, when we decide the future."

"That's all wonderful to say, Jack, but all it does is leave you off the hook," Renee said. "You're the bad guy, right? Everyone else has to take sides for or against you. You don't have to do anything." She stood up and shook her head. "You're still a martyr after all this time, after everything," she said. "That's what you want to be."

"You and Kim aren't so different," Jack said.

"What the hell?" Renee said. "How dare you say that!"

"Yesterday she said to me that she finally understood who and what I am," Jack said. "It's not that I'm a monster, just that I'm pathetic. I live this meaningless life where the only pleasure I can achieve is from causing others pain, especially those I should love."

"That isn't what I'm saying, Jack," Renee said. "I know that isn't true."

"You resent me," Jack said. "You resent that this baby is mine."

Renee stood there looking at him and thought about it seriously. Did she? She knew sometimes she resented being pregnant and all the hassles that were going to come with that. But did she resent that the baby was his? "No," she said.

"Let's be honest," Jack said.

"I am," Renee said. "That isn't it." She sighed. "What people will think, that's a problem, and it isn't going to be an easy problem. But I made my choice, and I knew I was making it. I don't resent you, and I'm not like Kim. I don't blame you for anything. I don't think you harmed me. I don't want you gone, and I don't want to be without your child. If you don't want to believe that, then that's something to deal with or not as you see fit, Jack."

Renee went into the bathroom and took a shower. She felt sad, like somehow she had felt all the innocence and joy of their relationship slip away. She was afraid that there would always be an irreconcilable schism between how each of them perceived things, with the heart of it being how Jack saw himself.

Renee turned off the water and stepped out into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror; the baby bump was indeed beginning to show. It wasn't much yet, but it was there. She touched it for a moment, laid her hand against it, and closed her eyes. It's going to be OK, she thought, it will. She dried off and tied a towel around herself. There was a knock at the bathroom door, and she opened it to find Jack standing there.

"Hey," Renee said.

"Hey," Jack said.

"Can we start the day over again?" Renee asked.

"It could be worse the second time," Jack said.

"That's encouraging," Renee said.

"That's what I'm here for," Jack said.

Renee laughed. "Yeah, that's what I've always heard," she said. "Jack Bauer, the voice of encouragement." She moved close to him. "You're just lucky you're so hot," she said.

Jack smiled. "Lucky is definitely true," he said. They kissed. "I'm sorry about all that…"

"We still have things to work through, Jack," Renee said. "There are going to be a lot of things."

"I'm looking forward to the baby," Jack said. "I want to be a father again."

Renee touched his face gently with the fingertips of her right hand. "You know that Kim is responsible for her own life and her own anger," she said. "She's lost a lot, but she's chosen to deal with it the way she has."

Jack took her hand in his. "I was Kim's hero," he said. "She always believed I was this guy who could do no wrong. When her mother was killed…it was like everything came apart. We were never really able to put the pieces back together right. She needed to blame me, and I let it happen. I never knew how to reconnect with her, so I just didn't. I figured she was better off without me."

"You need to stop blaming yourself for all of this, Jack," Renee said.

"I destroyed the family I made with Teri," Jack said. "That is always going to be the case."

"Then it doesn't help for you to keep beating yourself with it," Renee said. "It isn't going to bring Teri back, and it isn't going to fix things with Kim. You have to get past it, and you have to bring her past it." She expected him to pull away, but he didn't; he stayed there with his hand in hers, and Renee held on.

"I wish I could," Jack said. He looked in her eyes. "You didn't see her last night," he said. "There is just such incredible anger there. It's gone beyond pain, beyond anything I imagined would happen when I let it get out of control. I don't think it can be fixed. I really don't."

"Do you want to tell me what happened between you and Kim last night?" Renee asked. Jack pulled his hand from hers then, and she regretted saying it. He walked out into the main room of the apartment and stood there for a moment. Renee dropped the towel and pulled on a terry cloth robe, then followed him out into the living room.

"I called her and told her I was back in New York," Jack said, looking at the windows and not at Renee. "I put her off about Wilson…I didn't want to tell her the man she married was dead over the phone, though I don't really know what difference it would have made. I guess maybe I thought I could comfort her." He walked silently over to the windows. "I met her at her hotel room and just came right out with it and how it happened," he said. Jack looked over at her. "I went in, but it was already too late," he said. "Blue Scorpion took him out before I could do anything. There were too many men, too many guns." He looked back at the window. "She said: 'You killed him, you killed my husband'," he said. "I denied that…but in the end there was no defense against her fury. No matter what I said I was the one who caused his death. Maybe that was true to some extent…"

"You didn't cause his kidnapping, Jack," Renee said, "and Kim brought you in on this. Short of pulling the trigger yourself, you could not be to blame for Wilson's death."

"I didn't save him," Jack said. "I didn't want to."

"I'm not so sure Kim wanted you to," Renee said.

Jack looked at her. "What?" he asked.

"I think she wanted to put you in a bad situation while getting herself out of one," Renee said.

"She said I was the one who shouldn't have come back," Jack said.

"She wanted to push your buttons hard, Jack," Renee said. "You give her this weapon against you, and she uses it because she knows you won't fight back. You have to fight back, Jack. That's the only way to…"

"And say what?" Jack said. "That none of it matters? Sure your Mom died, you've been through hell, and I just saw your husband blasted to bits, but that's all water under the bridge, so forget it already. It's time to go get an ice cream with Daddy." He was silent, and Renee said nothing. She knew how deep this pain went, so all she could do was plant the possibility in him. "She hates me, Renee," he said. "I mean you don't even know what hate is like until you see it in your daughter's eyes, until she looks right at you and says I wish you were dead and means it, not figuratively, not momentarily, but truly and forever. She said I wish Nina had killed you. I wish they had killed you in China. I wish they had torn you apart…" He stopped, and Renee felt the anguish like an invisible wave washing over the room. She held her ground and let him hold his. "I can't say to her it's over, because it's not," he said. "It won't ever be. None of this is ever going away."

"I know you've lived with this for a long time, and you've accepted…"

"You don't know," Jack said. "You don't understand this. You think I can just say to hell with this already, damn it, it's over. It has to be over. I don't want to feel this anymore; I don't want Kim to hurt anymore. So we'll just put this all behind us, just let it go…"

"No," Renee said. "I don't think you can say that." She walked over to him; he didn't look at her. "Kim feeds this thing," she said. "I get that you can't let it go. I see that. But you have to stop the self-flagellation."

Jack was silent, and for a long moment the two of them just stood there. Then he said, "You don't want this is your life," he said. "You don't want to raise a baby around this."

"We're past that, Jack," Renee said. She took his hand and pulled him down to floor with her. He sat there with her, but he didn't look at her. She waited to see which way he would go, whether he would withdraw from her. Then he turned to her and moved closer, touched her, kissed her, and Renee felt an implosion of love inside of her like nothing she had ever known. "We're going to be OK," she said.

Jack laughed softly, but the light was back in his eyes. "We're going to be together, anyway," he said. "I'm not going to fight that. I want it too much."

"Good," Renee said. "So do I."

"Do you want to get married?" Jack asked.

Renee was surprised by the question; she had been too wrapped up in other things to even consider it. "Is that a proposal?" she asked.

"I think it was more of an exploratory feeler," Jack said.

"It might be a nice thing at some point," Renee said, "if you want to."

Jack leaned back against the wall. "I never thought I would get married again," he said. "I never thought there would be the opportunity."

"I don't expect…"

"It would be a nice thing," Jack said. "But right now I'm unemployed and…" As if on cue his phone started ringing.

"Do you get paid for these crazy life-threatening missions?" Renee asked.

"Sometimes," Jack said. He stood up and picked up the phone. "Bauer," he said. He said nothing after that, for as long as 30 seconds. "Yeah, I'll be there," he said finally. Then he shut off the phone.

Renee sighed and stood up. "Are you leaving town?" she asked.

Jack glanced at her. "No," he said. "This problem is here."

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee could tell that Jack was stone-cold angry. He hadn't said more than 10 words since telling her what that problem was…that Kim had been arrested. He hadn't even told her the charge, but he had said that he wanted her with him. Renee doubted Kim would want to see her there, but that probably didn't matter at this point.

Renee drove to the police station, and she let Jack off while she found a place to park. When she got inside the station Jack was already processing Kim out on bail. He was very straightforward and clipped in his speech and actions; when they brought Kim out he didn't even look at her. Renee sighed and went to get the car; when she pulled up Jack and Kim got into the back, like she was their chauffeur.

"Why didn't you ask me for it?" Jack said.

"Right, like you would get me a gun," Kim said.

"Gun?" Renee said. She didn't move the car.

"Didn't your boyfriend tell you?" Kim said. "No, of course not."

"Shut up," Jack said.

"Oh, come on, Daddy," Kim said. "It's not like this relationship is going anywhere. These things never go anywhere. The only one you had a chance with was Audrey, and look how you…"

"Get out of the car," Jack said.

Renee looked in the rearview mirror and wondered if she should get into this. She didn't think Jack would hurt Kim, but it was clear that he was close to being out of control. "Jack…"

Jack got out of the car and walked around to the other side, then yanked the door open. "Get the hell out of the car," he said. "Now, get out!" Renee saw the smugness melt away from Kim's features. Kim got out of the car. Jack slammed the door shut and got into the passenger's side front seat. "Drive," he barked at Renee.

"What the hell are you doing, Jack?" Renee said. "You can't just leave her here after…"

Jack got out of the car and just started walking away. Renee watched him for a moment then glanced back at Kim. She was talking on a cell phone. To hell with this, Renee thought, and she drove away.

Her phone started ringing when she was a few blocks away, but Renee didn't stop to answer it. Jack could stew in his juices for a while.

* * * * * * * * * *

When Renee walked in her apartment her cell phone rang again, and this time she answered it. "Where are you, Jack?" she asked.

"Midtown," Jack said. "Do you…"

"Yes," Renee said.

Jack laughed softly. "You don't even know what I was going to ask," he said. "It could be anything."

"Yeah, well, you'll do it anyway if you want to," Renee said, "so it doesn't really matter."

"You're ticked at me…"

"You acted like a jerk," Renee said. "You can't just…" There was a knock at the door, and Renee sighed. "I have to go," she said. "There's someone at the door."

"Are you expecting someone?" Jack asked.

"No, but…"

"Don't answer it," Jack said.

"You don't give me orders, Jack," Renee said. She took the phone away from her face. "Who is it?" she called.

"Miss Walker, it's Jenny Ryan," a woman said. Renee recognized the voice of her neighbor. "I need your help."

"I'll be right there," Renee said. She brought the phone back to her face. "It's a neighbor, Jack," she said. "I'll see you soon."

"Renee, don't…"

"I love you," Renee said, and she shut off the phone and tossed it on the sofa. She glanced briefly at her gun; it was lying on the kitchen counter where she had left it when she came in. She could still hear Jack's troubled tone in her mind, but she knew that even though he thought every situation had a potential for danger that wasn't always true. She walked over to the door and pulled it open.

The first thing Renee saw in the hallway was her neighbor lying unconscious on the floor. Then she saw the guns pointed at her.

Her only thought was: Why the hell didn't I listen to Jack?


	17. Chapter 17

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 17

By Morganperidot

Renee stood in the front doorway of her apartment; she was looking at the three men who were holding guns on her from the hallway. Why the hell didn't I listen to Jack? she thought. When she and Jack were talking on the phone moments earlier, he had told her not to open the door. Renee had still been annoyed with his barking an order at her in the car earlier that day, so she had refused to let him tell her what to do. Instead she had gone to the door unarmed after hearing the voice of her neighbor asking for help. That neighbor was now lying unconscious on the floor of the hallway, and Renee was facing three deadly weapons.

"I'm a federal agent," Renee said. "Put…"

"We know who you are, Agent Walker," one of the men said. "Now step outside or we will kill you right now."

Renee couldn't close the door because one of them was blocking the way, and she knew she couldn't make it to her weapon, which was lying on the kitchen counter. She didn't doubt that these men would kill her. All she could do was hope she would find a way out of this before it was too late. She walked out into the hallway, and one of the men grabbed her arm from behind and pressed his gun into her back. "Is she OK?" Renee asked, nodding at her neighbor on the floor.

"I wouldn't worry about her," the same man said with a sneer; he was clearly the leader. "You'll have enough to worry about with yourself. Now walk."

Renee walked with the one gunman behind her and the others at her sides. The leader was on her left. "What is this about?" she asked him.

"You killed my brother," the man said, "Harry Mantoya."

This is bad, Renee thought. Their faces weren't covered and now she knew who this guy was, Sal Mantoya. It was obvious that their endgame was to kill her; the only thing in question was what their intentions were before that.

They took her to a parking lot in the back of her building, and they were headed to a beaten-up black van. Mantoya broke off from their formation and headed to the driver's side of van. Renee knew her moments of possible escape were dwindling rapidly. The two men still with her were taking her to the back of the van, and once she was inside it would be too late. The man on her right lowered his gun to open the van's back doors, momentarily leaving only the man behind her with a gun on her, although at very close proximity. Renee didn't think; she knew better than to second-guess her instincts.

She moved as though to step into the back of the van, leaning forward a bit in the process, then moved backward quickly, slamming the back of her head into the face of the gunman behind her. Then she turned and pulled him in front of her, grabbing his gun arm and turning the weapon on the other startled gunman, firing as she moved, blowing a hole in the head of the man in front of her before throwing the man who had been behind her on the ground and shooting his kneecaps. She ran for the van's open driver's side door, but Mantoya was already gone.

Renee looked around for a moment and then saw the movement to her right and went down behind the driver's side door of the van a second before a bullet hit it. From there she fired back, exchanging gunfire for a minute or so before her clip came up empty. She spotted more clips inside the van, and snuck inside, yanking the door shut as the gunfire continued. The keys were in the ignition, and Renee started up the van and threw it sharply in reverse, ignoring the sickening bumps as she drove over the bodies behind the van. She tore off in the direction of the gunfire and found Mantoya on the run, firing wildly back at her. Renee continued to barrel down on him, not thinking, just doing, the reptilian part of her brain in full control. She cornered him against another car and slammed a new clip into the gun as she hopped out of the still moving van. He raised his gun to her, and Renee shot him dead on the spot as the van crashed into the other car.

Renee walked over to Mantoya and stood there for a moment, the gun pointed at him, but it was clear he was dead. She could see the resemblance between him and his brother Harry, who had led a drug cartel that she had recently busted up in a raid. Renee looked back at the other two men she had shot, and there was no doubt that they were dead as well.

Then she saw Jack. He was near the other two bodies, looking across at her, the gun in his right hand pointed at the ground. Renee couldn't read his expression. She walked over to him. "Do you have a phone I can use?" she asked.

"Are you OK?" Jack asked flatly. He shoved the gun in the waistband of his jeans and then took a cell phone out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her.

"Yeah, fine," Renee said, and she did feel that way at the moment. But she knew that wasn't going to be true once the adrenaline wore off. She called the Manhattan FBI office and reported the incident. When she finished the call she handed the phone back to Jack. Her head was starting to hurt, and she felt a little woozy. "Could you take a look back here?" she said, indicating the back of her head.

"Did one of them hit you?" Jack asked. His voice was still even and emotionless; he was in that same professional mode that she had been functioning in. She felt his fingers on the back of her head gently moving her hair. She would have let her eyes drift closed for the moment, but she was afraid she would pass out.

"No, I hit one of them," Renee said.

"Way to use your head," Jack said.

"Ha ha," Renee said.

"Is there a medic coming with the clean-up team?" Jack asked.

"Yes," Renee said. "Does it look bad?"

"There's blood, but I don't think it's yours," Jack said. "There's the start of a bruise and probably a bump. It would be a good idea to check for a concussion."

"I'm starting to feel it," Renee said.

"I'm not surprised," Jack said. He walked back around her and looked in her eyes. "Name the last four presidents going backwards," he said. Renee did so. "What was the date a week ago?" Jack asked. She answered that one as well. By then the FBI team had arrived, and Renee spoke with the team leader while the medic took a look at her. Jack stayed out of the way. Renee dealt with business and got a mostly clean bill of health. She was told not to spend the night by herself if possible, and she said she wouldn't. When the team was under way cleaning things up and she was no longer immediately needed, Renee decided to go back to her apartment. She remembered her neighbor then, and asked the medic to come with her upstairs. When she looked around, Jack had disappeared.

Renee took the medic to her floor, and he examined the neighbor. The woman was rattled, but she checked out OK. Renee thanked the medic and then went to her apartment. She found the door unlocked, so she just pushed it open and walked inside. Jack was in the kitchen, and Renee walked over there. Her weapon was still on the counter where she knew Jack had to have seen it. "You might as well go ahead and say it," she said. "You told me so."

"What did the medic say?" Jack asked. On the counter he had a bag of potato chips and some whipped cream cheese, along with a bottle of beer.

"He said I'm OK," Renee said. "Like you said, a bruise and a bump but not much else." She munched on a chip, and then added, "He said I shouldn't be alone tonight in case…"

"I'm not going anywhere," Jack said. "What about the baby?"

"I didn't tell him about that," Renee said. "I'll go to my doctor this week."

"Good," Jack said. Renee snagged another chip and dipped it in the cream cheese. "Do you want me to get something more substantial for us to eat? I can go get a pizza."

"Yeah, that would be good," Renee said. She looked at him in silence for a moment, then said, "Jack…"

"We're cool," Jack said.

"Yeah?" Renee said, a little surprised.

"Yeah," Jack said. "All that matters is that you're here and relatively unharmed." He took a slug of beer and then set the bottle aside. "I'm not entirely sure what went down here," he added, "but it's clear that you handled it with great skill."

"Thank you," Renee said. She turned toward the main room.

"Renee," Jack said. She turned back and saw him walking over to her. When he got to her he put his arms around her, and Renee completed the embrace and laid her head against him. They stood there in a silent embrace for a minute or two. "Thank you," Jack said finally.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee took a hot shower and then dressed in a blue t-shirt and jeans. She felt sore and wiped out. She walked out into the main room of the apartment. Jack wasn't back yet, so she turned on the TV and curled up on the sofa, resting her head against the soft, decorative pillows. When she heard the door close she realized that she had drifted off. She sat up. Jack had a big pizza box that he took over to the table. "If you want to rest…"

"I'm OK, Jack," Renee said.

"I know," Jack said. "But this is just you and me." He opened the box, and Renee could smell the aroma of fresh pizza from where she was sitting. It made her feel stronger.

"I'm not one hundred percent," Renee said, "but I'm not going to fall apart."

"I'm just saying…you don't have to hide things from me," Jack said. He was bringing plates and paper napkins to the table.

"OK," Renee said. She got up and walked over to the table. "Is there something you need to tell me?" she asked. "What you just said goes both ways."

Jack reached over and touched her hand briefly, then moved his hand away. "I was worried," he said. "I know how good you are…"

"I know how good you are, Jack, and I still worry," Renee said. "That's part of being in this business and being in love." Jack smiled and took a slice of pizza. "What?" Renee said.

"I'm still amazed to hear you say that," he said.

Renee moved closer and kissed his lips softly. "You'd better get used to it," she said. She picked up a slice of pizza and tossed it on a plate then went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water and his beer. "Let's sit on the floor," she said. "The furniture is too formal."

Jack smiled and followed her over to the floor between the sofa and the TV, bringing their plates and napkins with him. He set the plates on the floor and then sat on the sofa to take off his shoes and socks, which reminded Renee of something. She stood up and got her purse then brought it back over to the floor where Jack was already sitting, leaning his back against the sofa. "I got you something," Renee said. "It's kind of silly, so you don't have to keep it if you don't want to." She took out the box from the jewelry store and handed it to him.

Jack swallowed and set his plate aside. "Why would you buy me something?" he asked.

"Because I wanted to," Renee said.

Jack looked at the box. "Does this mean I should buy you something?" he asked.

Renee smiled. "You don't have to, Jack," she said.

Jack opened the box and looked at the gold ring inside…the gold toe ring. He picked it up with the fingers of his right hand and looked at it more closely. "You bought me a gold toe ring?" he said.

"I like your feet," Renee said.

Jack laughed then, a real, honest laugh. "Really?" he said. He looked over at his feet and wiggled his toes. "You've actually thought about my feet?" he said.

"Well, it's not like I'm obsessed with them," Renee said and took a sip of water. "They're just kind of sexy," she said.

"Really?" Jack said.

"Really," Renee replied.

Jack shook his head. "That's weird," he said.

"Yeah, well, I never said I wasn't weird," Renee said.

"You'd have to be to want to be with me," Jack said. Before she could comment on this, Jack added, "Do you want to know what I like?"

"Of course," Renee said.

"I like your fingers curled around the stock of a gun," Jack said.

"I doubt that's the only place," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "Naughty girl," he said.

"You love it," Renee said.

"I love you," Jack said, and the seriousness slipped back into his eyes. He set the box aside. "I really was scared," he said without looking at her. "I just had this terrible feeling, like that day I found Teri…" He stopped for a moment. "I know you can handle this stuff," he started again. "But there's always the possibility that…"

"I understand that, Jack," Renee said. "I'm always afraid when you're out there."

"I know you were angry with me because of that scene with Kim…"

"Yeah, but I thought it was safe," Renee said. "It should have been safe. It was a fluke thing, but I probably should have had my weapon just to be sure. Of course that may not have done much against three guys with guns."

"I shouldn't have acted the way I did in the car," Jack said. "I apologize for that."

"Thank you," Renee said. "I know you were upset about what Kim did and what she said to you."

"That isn't an excuse," Jack said. "This thing with Kim is between her and me, and we need to get it all on the table…"

"Your family is more than just you and Kim now," Renee said. "I think you were right before. We need to tell her about the baby. She needs to know that this is serious between us."

"She knows," Jack said. He looked at her. "No, not about the baby," he said. "I mean she knows it's serious, and that's why she keeps attacking it. She doesn't want anyone to replace her mother with me."

"We all need to seriously talk, Jack," Renee said. "I think we need to tell her about the baby – you and me together."

"I think so too," Jack said. He sighed. "Tomorrow," he added.

"Yeah, I'm definitely not up to it tonight," Renee said. "So, put the ring on." Jack picked up the box from the jewelry store. "I would do it…but I'm eating," Renee said.

Jack smiled but didn't reply. Instead he brought his right foot forward and fit the gold band around the toe next to his big toe, then wiggled his toes. "What do you think?" he asked.

"Very hot," Renee said.

"Yeah, I can see that," Jack said.

They both had a few slices of pizza, and Jack emptied a couple beers. Renee felt a little better after eating, but she mostly just wanted to sleep. She let Jack clean things up and put the remaining pizza in the fridge. "How are you feeling now?" he asked when he sat down by her.

"Tired," Renee said.

"Dizzy at all?" Jack said.

"I don't think so," Renee said. She stood up. "No, just achy and worn out," she said.

"We can go rest for a while," Jack said softly, standing up as well.

"OK," Renee said. She liked how gentle he was without treating her like she was fragile. Jack was clearly aware of where the balance was. Renee didn't have the words to tell him how much she appreciated that. Instead she closed the space between them and touched his face gently with her fingertips. The look in his eyes was so open, warm, and deep that she wondered how she had ever questioned his ability to feel. He put his hands on her hips and drew her closer until they were kissing. His hands slid around to her back and down, and Renee pressed him closer.

"I don't want to start something if…"

"You're not the only one starting something," Renee said. But as much as she wanted to continue with that something she didn't think she would have the stamina to make it through to the finish. "But maybe after a nap would be better," she said.

Jack smiled. "OK," he said.

"You're very accommodating today, Mr. Bauer," Renee said.

"I'm so glad you're safe…both of you," Jack said.

Renee smiled and took his hand to walk with him to the bedroom. Once there, they both shed some clothes and then crawled into bed. Jack was lying on his back, and Renee curled up beside him with her head on his chest. She touched his foot with one of hers, sliding her toes over the toe ring he still wore. She saw him smile in the darkness.

"I'll buy you a ring someday," Jack said softly, and the words sent tingles of pleasure through Renee's body. She had never thought much about getting married, not since Billy all those years ago; it was never one of her priorities like it was with a lot of women. But she wanted it all with Jack, a real life and a real family. Of course it was insane to expect to get that with Jack Bauer, but what the hell, why not shoot for the moon? She closed her eyes and sighed, letting herself drift off to sleep surrounded by the warmth of the man she loved.


	18. Chapter 18

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 18

By Morganperidot

When Renee woke the next morning, Jack was still beside her on the bed in the bedroom of her New York City apartment. He was lying on his stomach, and his sturdy, bare back was exposed. In the morning light she could see the faded scars on his skin, the physical reminders of wounds that had surely hurt him more than he would ever admit. Renee wanted to believe that being with her and having this child together would somehow make all of his previous suffering worthwhile. His country didn't formally appreciate him as much as it should, but his new family would fill in the gaps.

Renee slid her hand gently along his back. Jack stirred slightly, but he didn't speak; Renee moved closer and brought both hands to his warm skin to work his strong muscles beneath it. She loved the way his body felt beneath her hands, so real and solid, and yet so warm and soft. "I love you, Jack," she said, and it was so natural and true.

Jack rolled over and looked at her. "How's your head?" he asked.

"I was in love with you before I smacked the back of my head into some guy's nose," Renee said. There was still soreness in the back of her head where she had hit a guy with it to get control of a situation where three men were trying to kidnap her from her apartment and take her into a van parked outside.

Jack smiled. "Yeah, but you might need an excuse if you ever tell anyone else," he said.

"I won't need an excuse," Renee said. "You're a good man, Jack."

Jack looked away. "Don't get deluded about me," he said. "In most cases I've done things for what I've thought were the right reasons. But many of those cases they were also things that no man should ever have to do."

"I understand that, Jack," Renee said, "and I also know that there are people who will never understand. I know too that you would do most of those things again if you had to, and you most likely will."

Jack looked back at her. "How do we raise a child without having a moral compass?" he asked.

"We'll find it," Renee said.

Jack sat up and sighed. "It all seemed so easy when Teri and I were having Kim," he said. "Everything was clear-cut. It just seemed right…" He looked at Renee. "I don't mean I don't think this is right. I just don't feel like I'm right anymore." He got off the bed.

"Jack, none of this matters," Renee said.

"Think about how Kim is, and then tell me that again," Jack said. He leaned against the bedroom wall. "All I can do is hope that this kid won't wind up screwed up because of me."

"You will be a great father, Jack," Renee said.

"Do you really believe that?" Jack asked.

Renee looked at him in silence for a moment. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her arms on them. Then she said, "Do you want me to convince you or talk you out of it?"

"I want us to be honest about this," Jack said. "There isn't going to be any riding off into the sunset when this child is born…"

"I'm not some naïve girl," Renee said.

"Yeah, but you see me as some hero," Jack said. "You always have."

"I know…"

"How can you?" Jack said. "Have we even been together a month's worth of days? This whole relationship is built on enormous leaps of faith that…"

"Wouldn't even exist if there weren't a baby involved," Renee finished.

"That's not…"

"Yes, it is," Renee said. She got off the bed. "The reason this relationship exists is because of the baby. I know you care about me, and I know we have a good time together. But what you really want to say is that you would still be free if it weren't for this baby. Well, you know what, Jack? You don't need to be with me to be this baby's father, if you don't want to." She pulled on a robe and walked past him to the bedroom doorway.

"That's all true in a way," Jack said. Renee felt the words like a dagger in her heart. She stood there with her back to him. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the baby," he said. "I wouldn't be talking about a ring and…"

"You should go, Jack," Renee said.

"No," Jack said.

"I don't want this," Renee said. "I don't want you like this. I don't want this to be about you being trapped into something because of a baby you didn't want with a woman you barely know…"

"I want this baby," Jack said. "I'm just…"

Renee looked at him. "You don't, Jack," she said. "That's what this is, don't you see that? You keep making an issue about being a father and about being Jack Bauer, but that's all crap. You know you can do this. You can do anything you want to. You just don't want to." She walked out into the main room of her apartment.

"So, we both have our insecurities," Jack said.

Renee turned to him. "I don't want to play games, Jack," she said. "If this is it, then let's just end it."

"This isn't it," Jack said, "not by a long shot."

"I don't want you to feel that you…"

"I don't feel anything I don't want to," Jack said. "Believe me, I wouldn't be here if I did. I've been through the wringer enough times to know when to pull up stakes and go." He slid a hand through his hair and sighed. Renee held onto that moment silently and waited, mostly because it felt so good to feel him holding on to the two of them. He walked over to her. "This isn't just about the baby," he said. "I know you know that. I was interested in you from the beginning. I wanted you, but I knew better than to try to build something on the shaky that foundation I have. I wouldn't have tried without the baby, and for that I'm grateful."

"It shouldn't be an excuse either," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "When have I ever needed an excuse?" he asked.

"You know what I mean, Jack," Renee said, but she was softening.

"Yeah, and I'm not using the baby that way, not anymore," Jack said. "I want this child, and I want to be with you. That feels right, but that doesn't mean that…"

"If we're going to make this work we have to stop anticipating problems," Renee said.

Jack laughed. "I'm not sure I can do that," he said. "It's sort of ingrained in my psyche."

"Which means you already have scenarios for how this is going to come apart," Renee said.

"I could come up with some if I wanted to," Jack said. "But I'd rather go the other way."

"You have a plan for that?" Renee said.

"Just to keep trying and not let go," Jack said, "and to keep it simple. A million things get in the way, and sometimes I lose sight of what we're doing, what we're building. I want this, Renee. With all the doubts and the fears that I have, I want it."

"You are a good man, Jack," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "OK, you win," he said.

"Bull, but I'll take it," Renee said. She pulled him into her arms, which led to a soft kiss that expanded into a deeper one. She embraced him warmly and then released him and headed to the kitchen. "Do you want some cold pizza?" she asked. "I have to go in to the office for a while. If you work out something with Kim about going over there tonight, that's fine, or whenever is good for her." She got the pizza out of the fridge and some plates out of the cabinet along with a couple bottles of water. When Renee looked up Jack had disappeared; he reemerged dressed in his shirt and jeans from the previous day. "You can leave some clothes here, you know," she said.

"I get a drawer?" Jack said.

Renee smiled. "You're living here, so you can have whatever you need," she said.

"I'm living here?" Jack said.

It was something that was understood between them; he had a key and he slept there, so he essentially lived there. The situation had sort of evolved that way without them discussing it. Renee felt her old fears of pushing too hard for a commitment resurfacing…but hadn't they been discussing marriage? "Sort of," Renee said.

"Sort of," Jack repeated. He walked over to her. "Is that what you want?"

"Yeah," Renee said. "Of course that's what I want," she added.

"OK," Jack said. He grabbed a slice of pizza and took a bite out of it. "So, you've domesticated the rogue agent," he said.

"I doubt that," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "Maybe not entirely," he said.

"I hope not," Renee said. "I like you as a rogue."

Jack ate some more pizza and opened a bottle of water. "So, we're good?" he said.

"Yeah," Renee said. "You?"

"Yeah," Jack said. "I'll see what I can set up with Kim, and pick up some things to keep here now that I'm officially living here. Of course you may not want me here after we talk with Kim."

"We'll see," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "Yeah," he said. "We'll see."

* * * * * * * * * *

When Renee got to work at the Manhattan FBI office in the late morning, ready to deal with the fallout from the attack at her apartment the day before, she found that she had an e-mail from her boss, Agent Madison, asking her to come to Madison's office as soon as she could. Renee sighed and headed to her boss's office. The door was open when she arrived, and Renee went inside.

Madison glanced up at her from a file that was open on her desk. "Close the door," she said. Renee did so and walked over to one of Madison's guest chairs. "When are you due?" Madison asked.

"About 5 months," Renee said.

"Are you planning to return?" Madison asked.

"From maternity leave?" Renee asked. She was surprised by the question; she had never considered not returning. The Bureau was all she knew. She certainly couldn't afford to be a full-time mother, nor would she really want to be. "Yes, of course," she said.

"I spoke with Bauer not so long ago," Madison said, making it clear that she knew who the father of the baby was. "I've been thinking about the topic he broached."

Renee had seen Jack come out of a conference room with her boss, but she had assumed their discussion had been about his operation in Kazakhstan. "Which topic is that?" Renee said.

"He offered his services to the Bureau full time," Madison said. Renee tried to hide her shock, but she clearly failed. "I see you haven't discussed this with him," Madison said.

"No, we haven't discussed it," Renee said.

"And you don't think it's a good idea," Madison said.

"I'm just surprised," Renee said. The last time she and Jack had worked together she had been shot, and he had made it clear that he thought their relationship made them too distracted to work together. Of course even if he was with the Bureau they wouldn't have to work together. "Jack is the best there is in the field," she said. "He would be a fantastic addition to this office."

"Yes," Madison said. "But there are several issues involved here other than Bauer's skills, which are beyond question. I would suggest you talk with him about this and decide where you both stand. You may also wish to take some additional time after the child is born; if he has steady work and income it could help with that situation."

"Yes," Renee said, although her thoughts were reeling.

"You have some reports to do and an interview with internal investigations," Madison said. It was a dismissal, and Renee stood up. "Congratulations," Madison added.

"Thank you," Renee said, and she went back to her office.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee arrived at her apartment door around 7 pm. She figured it was probably too late to set something up with Kim, which was probably a good thing because she wanted to talk with Jack about his decision to hook up with the FBI. So when she opened the door Renee was surprised to find Kim there with Jack. They both sat on the sofa looking at her.

"Don't stop talking on my account," Renee said, tossing her purse on a chair. She walked into the kitchen. "Have you two eaten?" she asked.

Jack stood up and walked over to the kitchen. "I know that…"

"Not now, Jack," Renee said.

"There's something else?" Jack said.

"Yeah, later," Renee said.

"No trouble in pseudo-paradise, I hope," Kim said from the sofa.

"Can I get you anything?" Renee asked as she opened the fridge.

"No, thanks, the sooner this is over the better," Kim said.

Renee closed the fridge door without taking anything out. "Fine," she said. She walked back over to the main room, near the sofa where Kim looked at her with disinterest bordering on disgust. "You're so put out with everything? Here's something serious to be put out about. I'm pregnant. Your father and I are having a child together, and he and I are going to raise it together. How's that?"

"That's BS," Kim said. "If you're pregnant it's not…"

"The child is mine, Kim," Jack said from behind Renee. She felt his hand on her lower back, and some of her annoyance against him drained away.

"You believe this whore just because…"

"I'm in love with Renee," Jack said. "I know it's true."

Kim shook her head. "No," she said. She stood up. "This is about the arrest and the man I chose to marry…"

"This isn't about you, and it isn't about your mother," Jack said.

"Right," Kim said. "She's dead and now you think you can just forget all that and move on with this FBI slut…"

"I haven't forgotten anything," Jack said. "I will never forget anything; I promise you that. You and your mother will always be in my heart…"

"You don't have a heart," Kim said. "You never did. You killed my mother – your own wife. It was your fault, you…"

The escalation was too much for Renee. "Kim, you're going to have to…"

"This isn't your business," Kim said. "You think you can trap my father with some baby of unknown origin but…"

"No," Renee said. "I don't want to trap your father, and this baby is his, unquestionably and undeniably. You can make up whatever lies you want Kim, but this child is his and we are together now. That doesn't change anything about what your father felt for your mother…"

"Don't you dare talk about her!" Kim shouted. She moved quickly toward Renee, but Jack moved more quickly to intercept her. Jack held Kim tight, although she fought against him, and then she finally broke down sobbing in his arms.

Renee stood there for a moment, and then she walked back to the kitchen and made herself dinner.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee was on the sofa with a tub of gourmet ice cream and a spoon when Jack returned from taking Kim back to her hotel. He looked like hell. "Is she OK?" Renee asked.

"No," Jack said. "It's going to take some time." He walked to her big windows and stood looking at the City.

"Do you want some ice cream?" Renee asked. "It's vanilla with chocolate chip cookie dough, and not those tiny blobs of dough, actually really good-sized blobs."

Jack leaned against the wall and looked over at her. "Yeah?" he said.

"Yeah," Renee said. She waggled her spoon at him. "It's almost gone so you better hurry if you want some," she said.

"Are we arguing?" Jack asked.

"Not when there's melting ice cream," Renee said. Jack smiled and sat down beside her, his leg against hers. Renee handed him the ice cream and spoon and then put part of the blanket that was wrapped around her over his legs. Jack shoveled some of the ice cream in his mouth. Renee put her hand on his leg under the blanket. "Do you think…"

"Not now," Jack said, ice cream on his lips.

"Good, huh?" Renee said.

"Yeah," Jack said. "Tomorrow we should get one of those tubes of dough and just eat the whole damn thing."

Renee laughed. "Yeah, that's great prenatal nutrition," she said.

"We can have some milk with it," Jack said.

"Oh, OK then," Renee replied. She watched Jack scrape the bottom of the ice cream tub. "I love you," she said.

"Ice cream afterglow," Jack said.

"Yeah, that's it," Renee said. She sighed. "I'm tired as hell," she said. "How about you?"

Jack set the empty tub on a magazine that was on the coffee table. "Yeah," he said. "But we'll talk about whatever it is in the morning?"

"Yeah," Renee said. She touched his face, and then they were kissing; somehow she found herself on his lap and wrapped in his arms, and then beneath him, with time passing in heat-soaked pleasure. And later, as they were lying there entwined on the sofa with the lights of The City sparkling through the windows, Renee thought, thank goodness for the Senate subcommittee, DC, and Tony Almeida…and the FBI. They were going to have to discuss that, and soon…but not tonight.


	19. Chapter 19

Smoke & Mirrors: Chapter 19

By Morganperidot

Jack made breakfast the next morning: eggs sunny side up, warm buttered toast, large grapefruit halves, and fresh orange juice. "Wow," Renee said.

"Is it too much?" Jack asked.

"No, I like a big breakfast," Renee said. She sat down at the table. Her hair was wet from a morning shower. She had it tossed back over her shoulders so it fell down the back of her blue terry cloth robe. Her hair was getting pretty long and was probably due for a trim. She kind of liked it that length though, especially when Jack had his hands tangled in it.

Jack slid onto a chair beside her. He wore a white t-shirt and blue jeans, new clothes that he had brought over the previous day, after they had both decided he was living there and should have some of his own stuff around. He looked good – comfortable and relaxed – and that was something she would have never expected to see when she first met him. "What?" he asked when he noticed she was staring at him.

"Are you happy, Jack?" Renee asked.

"Yeah," Jack said. "Why would you ask that now?"

"I don't know," Renee said. "Just to hear it confirmed, I guess."

"Yeah," Jack said. "I'm happy, like I never thought I would be."

"Me too," Renee said.

"Good," Jack said. He ate silently for a moment, and Renee did as well.

The food was all perfectly prepared. If he hadn't been what he was, he could have been a professional cook. Of course he still could be, but somehow she couldn't see Jack going in that direction professionally. According to Renee's FBI boss in a closed-door conversation with Renee the day before, Jack was interested in hooking up with the Bureau full time, something he hadn't even touched on with Renee. Was it really what he wanted? Was it what he thought she wanted? Was it something he thought he needed to do for their baby?

"What's spinning around in there?" Jack asked.

"What? Where?" Renee asked.

Jack reached over and tapped her head with a fingertip on his right hand. "In there," he said. "You have that look you get when something is spinning around in your mind and you're trying to find an answer."

"Yesterday Madison told me you were talking to her about joining the FBI," Renee said.

"That's true," Jack said.

"Why didn't you mention it to me?" Renee asked.

Jack leaned back in his chair. "I guess I wanted to see if it was a possibility first," he said. "Then I'd decide what to do about it."

"It doesn't sound like this is really what you want, Jack," Renee said.

"Part of me does," Jack said.

Renee shook her head. "That isn't good enough," she said. "If you have reservations…"

"Do you?" Jack said. "Do you have reservations about me working in your domain?"

Renee raised an eyebrow. "Are you asking if I'm threatened by the idea of you being with the FBI?" she asked.

"Are you?" Jack asked.

"No, Jack, I'm not," Renee said. "I told Madison you are the best field agent there is…"

"Field agent," Jack said.

"I don't mean we can't work together in the office, Jack," Renee said. "I'm not that insecure. If you want to be there that's fine; I'm not threatened by you. I just think you need to be sure that's what you want before you commit to it out of some false need for security."

Jack went back to eating. Renee waited, but he didn't respond. Now she was even more annoyed with him about this; how could he think that she would feel inferior next to him? Unless of course he considered himself so superior to her professionally that… "I've built a solid career with the Bureau, Jack," Renee said. "Team leaders all over the world consult me for analysis and tactical. I'm well aware of how good you are at pretty much everything in this business, but that doesn't take away from what I am."

Jack polished off his eggs and toast and looked at her. "You've become one hell of an agent," he said.

"You better damn well believe it," Renee said.

"I do," Jack said.

"OK…so?" Renee said.

"So…yeah," Jack said. He set his fork on the table. "I've been thinking maybe it's a good idea to do some settling down rather than just taking any dumbass thing that comes my way."

"I thought you liked doing that freelance stuff," Renee said.

"I wouldn't exactly say liked," Jack said. He sighed. "I'm not sure I've liked much of anything since Teri died. I've just sort of done things because I thought someone needed to do them…or because I was running away from something else. It hasn't really been about what I've picked or chosen. It was about what was there at the moment."

"And isn't this the same thing?" Renee said.

Jack looked at her. "Tell me the truth," he said. "Would you want me there?"

"That's not what this is…"

"Just answer it first," Jack said.

"I do want you there," Renee said. "There is no one I would rather work with, because you are the only one that I trust all the way to the core."

Jack smiled. "Thanks," he said.

"That's just how it is," Renee said. "There is no one I would rather have with me on the job, but…"

"Why don't we just leave the 'but' out?" Jack asked.

"Because I love you, Jack, and I don't want you to settle down by settling for something that's going to make you miserable," Renee said. "Working for the FBI is going to require oaths and rules, and I can't see that being something you're going to want to abide by."

"Yeah," Jack said. He stood up and gathered his dishes, then hers, and took them into the kitchen. It wasn't difficult for Renee to see that he wasn't pleased with how this was playing out, but what did he expect? It wasn't exactly the perfect situation, because there really was no perfect situation. They were two people who, despite having very strong similarities, still had some extreme differences. She flourished in organized conditions, while he was the original out-of-the-box loner. How was that going to fit into the FBI?

He had started rinsing off the dishes, and Renee went over to the kitchen. "So, what are…"

"I'll just stay out of it," Jack said, looking at the dishes as he rinsed them, and leaving the water running.

"Jack…"

"It's OK, I get it," Jack said. He pulled open the dishwasher and put the dishes inside. Renee went over and shut off the water.

"Look…"

"It was a bad idea," Jack said. He closed the dishwasher.

"If you want this…"

"I'm not sure what I want," Jack said, and he walked out of the kitchen.

Renee just stood there for a moment, then looked over at him. He was wiping off the table with a cloth. "What does that mean?" she asked.

"I'll find something else," Jack said. "I always do."

"Something crazy and…"

"What do you want from me?" Jack said, the anger finally surfacing in his voice and his eyes. "I have to do something," he said. "Either it's something like the FBI, or it's some crazy BS. That's how this goes."

"I want you to make a choice you're going to be comfortable with," Renee said.

"Yeah, well there are very few of those options out there for me," Jack said. "I have a million and one piles of crap to choose from, but I could do the FBI thing. I don't think I can keep throwing my life in a blender. I'm just so damn tired of it."

Renee could see all the possibilities for problems, but he was right in a way: no matter what he did those problems would be there, and this argument was really pointless. She walked over to the living room and leaned against the arm of the sofa. "OK, then the FBI," she said.

"I don't think…"

"Yeah, don't," Renee said. "We both do way too much of that."

He was silent for a moment, and it wasn't a good silence. "Renee, there have been so many moments when maybe we should have listened to what are heads are telling us, and when that baby is born it'll be a hell of a lot harder to do that," Jack said.

"It isn't your head that's telling you what you're hearing," Renee said.

"What then?" Jack asked.

"Your demons," Renee said. "They're whispering in you ear, stoking your fears, trying to pull you down to them. How long are you going to let them win? Hasn't it been long enough?"

Jack stood there silently for a long moment, not looking at her, maybe looking inside of himself instead. "Teri died because of me," he said. "I lost my family; I lost my daughter. I lost my life…"

"No, Jack…"

"I'm afraid that we're fooling ourselves with this, Renee," he said. "Someday something will go terribly wrong, you know it like I do…"

"No, Jack…"

"Yes," Jack said. "Yes." He walked over to the windows, and he stood looking at The City. Renee wanted to go to him, but she knew he had to fight this alone. Jack sighed. "I'm just so tired," he said. "I'm so tired of it. I just can't do it anymore, the goddamn running, all the goddamn running, all the BS, all the pain." He bowed his head. "I just don't want to feel it anymore," he said. "And that's so goddamn weak…"

"That's their lie; that's how they keep you," Renee said.

Jack put his hands over his face. Renee ached to take him in her arms, but not yet, it wasn't time yet. Finally his hands moved away and down to his sides. "I can't be a prisoner anymore," he said. "I've done it for so long. I've done so much…I've let so much be done to me. I need it to stop. It has to stop."

"You're not alone anymore, Jack," Renee said quietly. "You're with me now."

Jack didn't look at her. "Yeah," he said.

"Is that what you want?" Renee asked.

"Oh yeah," Jack said, and Renee almost laughed, but it was too soon. He was silent for a moment, and then he looked at her and said, "I need to go to Teri's grave. I want you to come with me."

"OK," Renee said.

"Thank you," Jack said.

"I love you," Renee said.

"I know," Jack said. "That's what I'm thankful for."

* * * * * * * * * *

They flew to Los Angeles a few days later. In the time between, both Renee and Jack had spoken again with Agent Madison. Renee had stood behind Jack's decision to join the Bureau in whatever capacity Madison thought acceptable. Madison told them she would talk with the Bureau powers that be – and the President – and have a decision for them the following week. The next day they went to an appointment with Renee's obstetrician, where they saw an ultrasound image of the baby. It was a little too early to tell for sure, but the doctor seemed to think it was going to be a boy.

Renee took a few days off work to go with Jack to LA. He showed her that city in a way she had never seen it before, with his own private tour of the places from his past. He showed her where he had lived with his family and where CTU had been, and he told her stories that went along with those places.

Finally they made their want to the cemetery where Teri Bauer's body had been laid to rest. Jack found the grave easily, though he had told Renee he hadn't been there in years. He set the roses he had brought on the ground in front of the headstone that had Teri's name, the years of her life, and the words "Beloved Wife and Mother". Jack touched the words with his fingertips and then stayed on his knees looking silently at the headstone.

After a moment Renee said, "Do you want me to give you some time?"

"No," Jack said. "This is about all of us." He looked back at the stone. "Teri," he said. "I know you're not here, but this is the only place I can think of to come to talk to you. It's been too damn long since I've been here, but this place always made me think of the finality of things. If I didn't come here, it was never really final. It was always this living thing eating away at me. I loved you so much, and after you died I let what you, I, and Kim had together become something terrible and ugly for me and for our daughter. I let myself wallow in this darkness, hide behind it, throwing my life and hers into shadows that have darkened every day we've lived since the day you died. It's my fault, and by God, Teri, I am so sorry for all of it. I have made so many mistakes, so many terrible, unforgivable mistakes that I am so ashamed of. But I still ask for your forgiveness. I still pray that you can give it to me."

Renee hadn't noticed the tears that had been rolling down her cheeks until he stopped speaking. She wiped them away and looked around, at the rows of stones with flowers here and there, and the metal fence beyond. There were no other visitors in this area of the cemetery.

"I need Kim to find peace," Jack continued. "She's been through so much so young. I wish you were here for her. She needs someone. I know you would say, Jack, she needs you, but most of the time I'm so lost that I don't know how to help her."

Jack absently rearranged the roses. "There's something I need you to know," he said. "Part of me thinks you already do know, and it's myself I need to say this for. Maybe it is." He paused again briefly before continuing, "I have the opportunity to be a real man and a real father again, after so many years as a ghost. Teri, I need to you know that I will always love you, and I will always regret that we didn't have all of the years we should have spent together and with Kim. Those things are irreplaceable, and that isn't what I want to do. I just want to be alive again. I want to live this life I've been given the chance to have. I want this love, and I want this family. And I want Kim back. I know it's a hell of a lot to ask, but I've given my pound of flesh and more, so damn much more. All I want in return is my life."

Renee knew that it should have seemed strange to see a man on his knees in a cemetery asking his dead wife to help him restore his life. Yet, somehow it all fit, and it all made sense to her. Renee put her hands over her belly, over their child, closed her eyes, and waited. There was a long silence, but it wasn't an anxious one. It was just one that needed to exist.

Renee didn't know how much time had passed when she suddenly felt Jack's arms around her; she hadn't even heard him stand. "Thank you," he whispered, and he held her against him.

"Are you OK?" Renee asked.

"I will be," Jack said. He pulled back from her a bit. "Are you? You look a little pale. Did you eat enough?"

Renee smiled. "I'm OK," she said. She took his hand, and they walked through the cemetery to the gate and then out to their rental car. Renee did feel a little lightheaded, and for a moment she leaned against the car. "Maybe some more food wouldn't be such a bad idea," she said.

"OK," Jack said. Renee opened the passenger side door and got inside. Jack got in the driver's side. "Thank you for coming with me," he said. "I'm sorry that…"

"I'm OK, Jack," Renee said.

"OK," Jack said.

He started the car and drove them back to their hotel, where they stopped at the restaurant and got two large servings of warm chocolate lava cake. It was incredibly decadent and rich, and Renee felt much better afterward.

"This kid is going to have an obnoxious sweet tooth," Jack said.

"Most likely," Renee said. After they paid and were on their way out of the restaurant, Renee said, "Do you want to go sleep it off?"

Jack smiled. "Are you trying to seduce me?" he asked.

"That was what the cake was for," Renee said. "Now I'm just going to take advantage of you."

"Right here?" Jack asked, as they walked across the hotel lobby to the elevators.

"Not yet," Renee said. She pushed the button for the elevator, and a moment later the doors opened. They walked inside – and Renee backed him up against the back of the elevator. "Now," she whispered in his ear, then brought her lips to his in a hard, passionate kiss to which Jack responded with equal fervor. When the elevator's doors opened Renee grabbed his hand and pulled him out onto their floor before they quickly headed toward their room.

They both stopped short when they saw the man standing in the hallway. "So it's true," Larry Moss said. "How could you do this, Renee? How could you ruin your life this way?"

"Larry, what are you doing here?" Renee asked. She took a step toward him, but Jack grabbed her arm. She stopped because she saw what Jack saw, the gun in Larry's hand.

"Are you letting him control you now?" Larry said. He was clearly drunk.

"Put away the weapon," Jack said quietly.

"Why, Jack, are you afraid of this?" Larry shouted, waving the gun in the air.

Jack moved in front of Renee, but she wasn't about to see him take a bullet in this craziness. "Are you out of your mind, Larry?" she said. "You can't just come to this hotel and wave a gun around."

"Yeah, well I thought you wouldn't be dumb enough to get knocked up by this jerk," Larry said. "But clearly you can't get away from him on your own." He brought the gun down level. "Go ahead and beg for your life, Bauer," he said.

"You first," Jack said – then he moved quickly, and a second later he had closed the distance between himself and Larry and had his hand on Larry's arm that held the gun. In the next second they were against the wall, and Renee couldn't see the gun at all. Hotel security was approaching from behind them, but Jack and Larry continued to fight over the weapon – until it suddenly discharged with a muffled bang that was followed by a terrifying silence.


	20. Chapter 20

Smoke & Mirrors: Chapter 20

By Morganperidot

The terrifying silence was followed by a horrifying sight: Larry Moss's hand fell back toward the wall with his fingers still curled around the gun – before letting the weapon drop to the floor with a quiet thud.

"Jack!" Renee called, running to him as he stepped back from where he and Larry had been wrestling over the gun. She and Jack had returned to their Los Angeles hotel after their visit to Teri Bauer's grave to find Larry in the hallway in front of their room waving his weapon around. Jack had charged Larry and pushed him up against the wall, where they had fought over the weapon. Now there was bright red blood on Jack's beige shirt, and Renee stood there for a moment in shock. There were plenty of times when she had seen blood on people she had cared about, including Billy, whom she had loved, but to see blood from what might be a mortal wound on Jack was something she couldn't immediately process.

"Call 911," Jack said, and Renee tore her phone out of her purse so violently that the rest of the contents of her bag wound up scattered in the ugly pattern of the carpet on the hallway floor. Jack looked at her for a moment and then down at his shirt. "It's not mine," he said flatly, and then he pulled the shirt off and went back to Larry, using both hands to press the shirt against the wound that Renee now saw gushing blood from the chest of her former boss. Renee made the call and watched as Larry tried to push Jack away from him.

As Renee talked on the phone, one of the two hotel security officers approached Jack and started a discussion with him; Renee couldn't hear what they were saying. Her heart was still beating fast, but she had control of her part of the interaction, giving the 911 dispatcher all of the information as well as her professional credentials. In the midst of the conversation Renee saw Jack glance over at her with a look of concern on his face; she just nodded so he would know everything was OK with her and their baby.

When she finished talking with the 911 dispatcher, Renee thought for a moment about whether she should call the FBI. She knew she would have to talk with someone at the Bureau about this soon, but that could probably wait until she figured out how she wanted to address it. If Larry survived the bullet wound his actions toward her and Jack could easily end his professional career. Renee didn't know if she wanted to be the person who caused that to happen, despite Larry's desire to end her happiness with Jack.

The EMTs arrived quickly, and Larry was alive but critical when they took him out. Jack and Renee spoke with the hotel security personnel and then with the police officers when they arrived. As all of them were right outside Jack and Renee's hotel room, Jack quickly slipped inside the room and snagged another shirt – this one light blue – and pulled it on while Renee was talking with the police officers.

Finally the questions had run their course, and Jack and Renee stood alone together in the hallway. Renee reassembled the contents of her purse and looked over at Jack; he used his key to open the hotel room door and held that door for her. Renee stepped inside, and when Jack closed the door she said, "Are you OK?"

"Yeah," Jack asked. "Are you?"

"Yeah," Renee said.

"Yeah?" Jack said.

"Yes, Jack, I…"

"It could have been me," Jack said, softly and truthfully.

"I know, Jack, there have been so many times that…"

"I could have died," Jack said.

"That's part of our daily lives," Renee said, looking at him, in his eyes, and thinking yeah, he could have died; over something so stupid like Larry's craziness, he could have died. It could happen so easily and so senselessly, without honor or purpose or meaning – not that those things would really make his death any easier.

"I know," Jack said. "But it isn't what I want – not anymore."

"That's good," Renee said, trying to lighten the mood.

"You don't have to be so tough with me," Jack said quietly, moving closer. "I know you were scared."

"Just for a moment…"

"I was too," Jack said.

"I don't want to lose you, Jack," Renee said.

"I don't want to be lost," Jack said. He slid his arms around her and pressed her against him, his warm body against hers, and then his kissed her, delicately and deeply, and Renee felt her passion rise up like lava in a volcano. She slid her arms around his body and her hands down to his rear. "I need to feel you," Jack said softly. "I need to touch you."

"I'm so glad you're OK," Renee said.

Jack pulled back from her gently, and Renee saw the smile that curled his lips. "Show me," he said.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Later Renee called the FBI and spoke with Agent Madison, her boss in New York. She gave Madison a concise condensed version of what happened, leaving out Larry's comments that had addressed personal issues and highlighting the fact that Larry was drunk and clearly not functionally rationally. Madison didn't pry further into the situation, but Renee had the feeling that her boss knew more about what was going on with Larry than she was letting on.

When that conversation was over, Renee walked out of the bedroom and found Jack sitting on the sofa in the other part of the hotel room looking at his phone. "What's going on?" she asked.

"It looks like I've been cleared for an official interview with the FBI," Jack said. He tapped a few buttons on the phone and then set it on a table.

"And you're thinking what?" Renee asked.

"I'm thinking I'll go to it," Jack said.

"But?" Renee pursued.

"Come here," Jack said, patting the sofa beside him.

"I'm not your puppy, Jack," Renee said. "Whatever you're thinking, say it." He stood up and walked over to her and put his hands on her hips. "Don't think you can distract me, Bauer," Renee said.

Jack laughed softly. "I wouldn't think that for a second, Agent Walker," he said. He moved her hair back from her neck and kissed her skin softly.

"You have some reservation," Renee said.

"None at all, I swear," Jack replied.

"About the FBI interview," Renee said. "Is it because of what happened with Larry?"

"Is he stable?" Jack asked, taking a small step back.

"Still critical, but they are hopeful about recovery," Renee replied, allowing Jack the slight detour.

Jack sighed. "I should have gotten the gun out of his hand before it went off," he said.

"This isn't your fault, Jack," Renee said. "He had it in his mind that…"

"He needed to protect you from me," Jack said. He met her gaze, and Renee wasn't going to deny it. She had known as soon as she saw Larry in that hallway that he had never gotten over what had happened between the two of them in DC or past his initial interpretation of Jack as being nothing more than dangerous trouble. It was unfortunate that he had allowed both of those perceptions to ruin his career.

"Yes," Renee said. "He's been fixated on that."

"For good reason," Jack said.

"I'm not taking that bait," Renee said. "Being around you is no more dangerous than what I do for the FBI."

"Except that I have enemies with long memories who can strike at any time," Jack said. "I'm not entirely sure it's a wise plan to bring that into the FBI."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's your top concern," Renee said.

"I didn't say that," Jack replied.

"And you could care less about the FBI," Renee said.

"I don't want to bring some BS danger near you…"

"You know there's going to be danger anyway," Renee said. "Come on, Jack. What else is there to this? Say it."

Jack shrugged. "I'm not sure working for the FBI is really what I want to be doing," he said. "I just think I should give the interview a shot and see how it goes."

"You don't have to do that me," Renee said.

Jack looked at her. "Yes, I do," he said. "If we're going to have any kind of normal life, I can't be constantly running around all over the world on some crazy operations. I need to be doing something here, and if not the FBI, what?"

"You have a lot of skills, Jack," Renee said.

His lips curled slightly. "Are you suggesting I become a male escort?" he asked.

Renee laughed. "That wasn't really my intention, but you could probably make good money," she said. She smiled. "See, you have a lot of career options," she said.

Jack sat down on the sofa. "You'd be willing to share me with other women?" he asked.

"Well, it wouldn't really be like that," Renee said. "It would just be a job."

"OK, then maybe I can swing that," Jack said. He picked up his cell phone. "I met this guy down in Union Square the other day, and maybe he can hook me up with some people," he said.

"Sure, go for it," Renee said. She held out her hands like she was framing a marquee. "I can see it now," she said. "Jack Bauer, rogue escort. He's outside the service, doing things his way…"

"Very funny," Jack said.

Renee sat beside him on the sofa. "You do have options, Jack," she said.

Jack looked at her seriously. "You've become something of an optimist, haven't you?" he said.

"I think to bring a kid into the world you sort of have to be," Renee said. "Or at least try to be, anyway."

"I guess I'll have to work on that," Jack said. He paused a moment, then said, "Are you hungry? It's been a few hours since that cake, and I could go for a burger or something."

"Yeah, I could go for that too," Renee said.

* * * * * * * * * *

Jack drove their rental car to a diner he used to go to when he lived in Los Angeles. Once inside, they settled in a booth and briefly studied the menus before ordering deluxe burgers. When the waiter was gone Renee watched Jack sizing up the place for a moment before speaking. "Have you been to Ireland?" she asked.

Jack focused his attention on her. "What's going on in Ireland?" he asked. Renee smiled. "What?" Jack asked.

"You always think everything is about some problem somewhere," Renee said.

"It usually is," Jack said. "Is there some situation in Ireland?"

"Nothing other than the usual," Renee said. She sipped from her glass of water.

Jack leaned back against the booth. "What then?" he asked.

"I was thinking it might be nice to take a real trip at some point," Renee said, "I was there several years ago, and I've wanted to go back."

"With me," Jack said.

"Well, I am with you now, Jack," Renee said.

"Yeah, but a trip like that sounds like a honeymoon," Jack said.

"Not really, since we aren't planning on getting married, at least not yet, right?" Renee said. She glanced at the mini jukebox on the table, then twisted the dial on top to see if there were any songs worth playing.

"Do you want to get married before the baby comes?" Jack asked.

Renee sighed. "It doesn't really matter, Jack," she said. She found a song she liked and put her purse on the table to dig out some change.

"It doesn't?" Jack said.

Renee glanced at him and saw the troubled look in his eyes. "I don't mean I don't want to," she said. "You know I do. It just isn't something I think we need to rush into." She returned to searching her purse for some change.

"Then you'd rather wait to see the ring," Jack said.

Renee felt her heart skip a beat. She looked at Jack, and he just looked back with that solid, straightforward gaze of his. "Excuse me?" she said. "What ring?"

Jack reached inside his brown jacket and pulled a small box out of an interior pocket. Renee dropped the change she had found in her purse on the table. At that moment the waiter arrived with their food, and Renee looked away to set her purse on the seat beside her. When she looked back, the food was on the table, but the small box was gone. "Best burgers in LA," Jack said, picking his up and taking a bite out of it.

"Don't make me pull my weapon on you," Renee said.

Jack swallowed and set the burger down. "One FBI agent doing that a day is my limit," he said. He picked up the ketchup bottle next to the jukebox, opened it, and smacked the bottom until a large blob of red was on his plate next to his French fries.

"Dammit, Jack…"

"Don't let the food get cold," Jack said, picking up his burger again.

Renee's stomach growled. "I'll make you pay for this, Bauer," she said.

"No doubt," Jack mumbled around a mouthful of burger. Renee ate hers as well, and it was really good, as were the fries, but that didn't take her mind off of that box she had briefly seen. Was it really an engagement ring? Had he really gone as far as to buy her a ring and plan to ask her to marry him? Renee's heart was pounding harder than it ever had in dangerous work situations. She had to know, and she had to know now.

"Jack," she said.

"Yeah," he said.

"Let me see it," Renee said.

"I don't really think this is place for that kind of thing," Jack teased.

"Yeah, well, if I don't see that ring soon, nowhere else will be either," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "OK," he said. He took out the box again…and pulled it quickly open and closed.

"I'm warning you, Jack," Renee said. "You do not want to push the limits of my patience too far."

"Let's go outside then," Jack said. He stood and took her hand to help her out of the booth. Jack paid the cashier in the front of the restaurant and then held the door for Renee to go outside. It was a nice night with a sky full of stars and a nearly full moon. Jack turned to Renee in front of their rental car and stood there close to her, looking into her eyes. "I never thought I would ask another woman to marry me," he said. "Teri was my sweetheart for so long, and when I lost her I thought I would never find another person who would be able to get inside my heart. You are someone I never imagined possible, and I am so grateful to have found you." Jack went down on one knee, and Renee felt the tears well in her eyes. Jack held out the box and opened it, and Renee caught a glimpse of sparkling green and white before…

"So, sweet, but I think I'll be the one taking that," a man's rough voice said.

Renee looked at Jack, whose gaze had shifted past her to the speaker. She turned and looked at a younger man in a dark leather jacket who was holding a handgun pointed at them. Twice in one day? Renee thought. There was more gunplay on this brief trip to LA then there had been for a week on the job. "If you're smart you'll put that away and get the hell out of here," Renee said. She could feel Jack stand up behind her.

The man dismissed her comment without a word and spoke to Jack. "Toss it to me, and no one gets hurt," he said.

"Go to hell," Jack said. He took a step forward, and Renee took the moment to swing into action against the gunman, knocking the gun from his hand with one arm and then delivering a quick blow to his groin with her right foot. He crumpled on the ground, and Renee picked up the gun.

She held the gun with two hands, pointing it at the former gunman. "Get up and get out of here before I blow a hole in your head," she said coldly. The man struggled to his feet and then ran away as best he could into the shadows. Renee secured the gun and then shoved it in her purse. "So where were we?" she asked.

Jack pulled her to him and kissed her lips passionately, and Renee held him close against her. "You really turn me on," Jack whispered in her ear, and Renee laughed.

They drove back to the hotel with the windows open and music blasting from the radio. They didn't talk much about the diner or the attempted mugging; they just relaxed. Renee tried to envision what she had seen of the ring, but her second glimpse had almost been as brief as the first. What she did remember clearly were Jack's words to her before going to one knee for the ill-fated proposal, and the look in his eyes as he gazed into hers. She closed her eyes and let herself melt into the car and the music and the night, feeling both relieved and excited, and knowing in her heart that things were finally going the way they were meant to.

When Jack pulled into a parking spot in the lot for the hotel, he turned down the music but left it playing. "I don't want to wait any longer for you to have this," he said, and he took out the box and pulled out the ring. Renee held out her left hand wordlessly, and Jack slipped the ring on her ring finger. It was a large round emerald encircled by smaller full-cut diamonds set in white gold. It was a gorgeous ring that Renee remembered seeing and remarking on months ago. "Be my wife," Jack said.

"Yes," Renee said. "Absolutely, yes." And they kissed softly to seal the deal.


	21. Chapter 21

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 21

By Morganperidot

The day after Jack and Renee returned to New York from their trip to Los Angeles Jack had his interview with the FBI. They went to the Manhattan field office together, then split off inside, with Renee going to her office for her usual daily routine. Jack had said he would give her a call after the interview, and Renee knew to stay out of it and let him handle this however he saw fit. So she delved into her work on the latest big-money, low-profile interstate kidnapping, and had pretty much put the whole thing out of her mind until a few hours later when her phone rang and she saw on the caller ID that it was Jack's number. She went inside her office to take the call. "How did it go?" she asked.

"It's over," Jack said. His tone made it clear her wasn't happy with the result.

"Where are you?" Renee asked.

"Going for a walk," Jack said.

"Can we meet for lunch?" Renee asked.

"In about an hour?" Jack said.

"Are you OK?" Renee asked.

There was silence for a moment, and then Jack said, "Yeah, I just need a little time."

"I'll be downstairs in an hour," Renee said.

"OK," Jack said.

After that call Renee thought about contacting her boss, Agent Madison, to find out what had gone down between Jack and the interview committee. She decided it would probably be best to speak with Jack first before she stormed into her boss's office and said something she might regret. Besides, this was between Jack and the Bureau, not her. If there was some reason that one or the other or both decided that Jack wasn't a good match, that didn't involve her professionally. She needed to stay out of it for as long as she could.

So, instead she checked on Larry's condition at the hospital in Los Angeles, where he had been shot while wrestling over his weapon with Jack. She was told that he had been upgraded to stable condition, which Renee was glad to hear. She had worked with Larry for quite a while and respected him as an agent. For some reason he had let her relationship with Jack derail his career and, to some extent, his sanity. She hoped he could find his way back on track. She didn't want him to lose everything he had built with the Bureau over this.

After that Renee took a call from a colleague in Austria who was having a problem organizing tactical for an operation. She helped him work through the kinks of the situation and devise a plan. When she ended that call she saw that an hour had passed from when she had talked with Jack, and she grabbed her purse and left her office.

In the hallway she saw Agent Madison headed toward her. Renee sighed and waited for her boss to reach her. "I hear through the grapevine that Jack gave you a big rock," Madison said as she approached. Renee showed her the emerald-and-diamond engagement ring, and her boss whistled. "Nice," she said. "Did you set a date?"

"Not yet," Renee said.

Madison studied her for a moment. "Did you talk with him?" she asked.

"Briefly," Renee said. "I'm meeting him for lunch."

Madison nodded. "When you get back, I want to hear your rundown of the kidnapping situation," she said, and she turned away. "As for what you're wondering," she added. "That's up to Jack." Madison walked away.

Nifty, Renee thought, and she headed out to meet him.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee found Jack leaning against one of the walls in the front of the FBI building, dressed all in black, like he had ordered from the ninja casual collection. She undid the buttons on the navy blue jacket of her pants suit and walked over to him. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Jack said.

"There's a Japanese place a few blocks from here," Renee said.

"OK," Jack said.

They started to walk in the direction of the restaurant. "I spoke with Madison briefly in the hallway," Renee said. "She didn't really tell me anything, just that it was up to you." Jack was silent. "You know this doesn't really matter to me, Jack," Renee said. "If you don't want to do this…"

"I know," Jack said.

"Yeah?" Renee replied.

"Yeah," Jack said.

They went into the Japanese restaurant and took a booth in the back, where they ordered green tea, salads, miso soups, and a large platter of various types of vegetable sushi. Renee waited until the tea had arrived to broach the subject. "So, what happened?" she asked.

Jack leaned back against the back of the booth. "I sat in that room with those people in their expensive suits looking at me like I was some junkyard dog they could take on as long as they didn't have to get too close to it," he said. He sipped some tea.

"You don't think maybe that was an unfair presumption on your part?" Renee asked.

Jack glanced around the restaurant. It was an old habit of his that Renee doubted would ever fall by the wayside. He looked back at her. "My instincts are usually spot on," he said.

"I'm not doubting that, Jack," Renee said. "I was just thinking that maybe you expected them to have it in for you, and that led to your interpretation of how they were looking at you."

"They made it pretty clear what they wanted from me," Jack said softly. "It wasn't my tactical and analytical expertise. It was my willingness to do dumb BS in the field. Essentially what they were offering me was the same garbage I've been doing, only working for the government rather than as a free agent."

The waiter brought the salads and soups. "Did you tell them what you want?" Renee said.

"Yeah," Jack said. He started eating his soup. Renee pecked at her salad and waited. "They don't really want me there," he said finally, "not on-site anyway, not as a leader in the Bureau. They don't want the taint of Jack Bauer on any sort of official level."

Renee set her fork down. "They said that?" she asked.

"They didn't have to," Jack said. "I could hear it in the description of how they saw my 'fit' in the Bureau."

"What did they say exactly?" Renee asked.

"We don't see an on-site fit for you," Jack said. "But if you'd like to get your ass tortured and/or killed in the field for us we could go for that."

"Somehow I doubt that second part is a accurate retelling," Renee said.

"Yeah, that part was implied," Jack said. Renee couldn't help it; she smiled. "You think this is amusing?" he asked.

"Oh, come on, Jack," Renee said. "What did you think, you were going to waltz in there and they were going to make you Bureau Director? If you didn't get what you want, go back and get it."

Jack leaned against the back of the booth. "So I should just waltz back in there and insist that they give me what I want?" he said.

"Striding would probably be better," Renee said.

"I have what I want," Jack said. He smiled then, a brief curl of his lips.

"I love you," Renee said.

"Yeah, that," Jack replied.

"So, go back there and kick their asses," Renee said.

Jack's smile deepened. "Yeah?" he said.

"Yeah," Renee said. "Take them down. Take them all down."

"Pretty soon I'm going to have to take you down," Jack said.

Renee laughed. "Later for that," she said. "Business before pleasure."

The waiter brought the sushi and fresh tea, and they ate heartily with chopsticks and lightened moods. Renee didn't wonder if Jack could get what he really wanted in this; the only question was how. The fact that he didn't balk at the suggestion meant that he had a plan already forming, and Renee couldn't wait for it to be carried out. But the best part would be seeing Jack when he was back in a good place doing what he wanted to do again.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee met with Madison about the kidnapping situation. They did not discuss Jack; that was an issue that would resolve itself on its own track. Renee was busy during the afternoon with a variety of other projects, and she didn't think about Jack again until she was getting ready to leave and realized she hadn't heard from him. She looked at her cell to see if she had not heard a call or a text, but there was nothing new. Renee sighed and put the phone away. She wasn't going to be one of those women who bugged her man constantly about everything.

Well, not about this anyway.

When Renee got home, Jack wasn't there. She immediately had that old pang of fear that he had decided to disappear without an explanation. She stood in the middle of the living room of her apartment looking at the ring he had given her, wondering if that were still possible. Of course she knew it was; plenty of people ran out on engagements all the way up to the wedding day. But would Jack do that? Would he ditch her after everything they had been through together? Renee found it uncomfortable that despite how close they had become she could still see herself losing him. She wondered if that would always be the case, even after they were married and their child was born. Would she always be wondering if one day he would just be gone?

Renee went into the kitchen and started to make some spaghetti for dinner. It was getting late, and she wasn't going to hold off on eating forever while she waited for Jack to return. For all she knew, he had other plans. It would have been nice if he told her about them though.

She didn't even want to consider that one of those enemies with long memories that he mentioned had come after him.

The water was boiling and she threw in the pasta, rolled her eyes, and went over to the counter where she had set her cell phone. As she reached out for it, it started to ring, and Renee was relieved to see Jack's number on the display. "Hey," she said. "Where are you?"

"On my way," Jack said. "I was on the phone with Kim for a while."

"How is she?" Renee asked.

"I think she's finally starting to take us seriously," Jack said. "The engagement makes it hard to deny."

"I don't want this to push her farther away from you," Renee said.

"Yeah, well, sometimes I wonder if that would be possible," Jack said. "Is there something you want me to pick up on the way there?"

"Diamonds," Renee said.

She felt his smile, and it drove away the last vestige of her annoyance. "How about dinner?" he asked. "Did you eat?"

"I'm making spaghetti, and there might be some left if you get here soon," Renee said, as she dumped out the water and tossed in sauce, meatballs, tomatoes, and olives.

"Copy that," Jack said.

* * * * * * * * * *

Jack opened the door fifteen minutes or so later. He had a box of chocolates with him, some kind with peanut butter filling, and Renee smiled. It wasn't diamonds, but in some ways it was better. "Come here," she said, and when he did she held him in her arms and kissed him. "If you ever break my heart I'll kill you, you know that, right?" she asked.

"Well, it would matter how…"

"I'm not arguing about this, Bauer," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "Then yes," he said. "I know."

He helped her get the food out of the kitchen and put it on the table. "Don't get used to this," Renee said. "I'm not going to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen cooking for my man every night."

She saw Jack take a look at her bare feet. "Bummer," he said. "I really expected that you would."

Renee smiled, and they sat down at the table and started to eat. Renee didn't push him on what happened at the FBI; it would come. His mood was much better than it had been at lunch, so she had a feeling he had either turned the tide in his favor or made some other peace with the situation. Also, the fact that he wasn't a mess after talking with Kim was another good thing. For the time being a comfortable silence was OK with her.

"Have you thought about names?" Jack asked.

Renee was surprised by the topic. With all the craziness in their lives she hadn't thought about the baby much at all aside from what needed to be done to keep herself healthy. "I just assumed it would Jack Bauer Junior," she said.

"Yeah, I don't think we want to saddle a kid with that," Jack said. He looked at her, and Renee could feel the seriousness descend on him again. "And I don't expect you to take my name when we get married," he said. "I could see clearly enough today how much of a problem that name is."

Renee put her left hand over his right hand where it rested on the table. The beautiful ring he had given her glinted in the soft light of the room. "I love you, Jack," she said.

He turned his hand and entwined his fingers with hers. "You're sure about this?" Jack asked. "All of it has come kind of suddenly and haphazard, not the way things are normally done…"

"Who wants to be normal?" Renee asked.

"I'm serious," Jack said, "really serious. This has been like a game, and we haven't really talked about the little things and how this is really going to pan out."

Renee felt a twinge of fear, down deep, and she asked the question that really terrified her: "Are you having second thoughts? If you want out of this, Jack, just say it. Don't just do this because you feel obligated…"

"I love you," Jack said, "and I love this baby. I don't want out."

"You're sure?" Renee asked, because she wanted to be sure.

"Yes," Jack said simply, and she believed him.

"I want to use your name," Renee said.

"OK," Jack said. He put his other hand over their clasped hands. "I'd like that," he added.

"I'm not ashamed of you, Jack," Renee said.

"I know," he said. "That's my thing." Jack released her hand. "Or it has been my thing," he said. "It may be time for me to let that go completely."

"It's well past time," Renee said. Jack leaned back in his chair and smiled. "What?" she said. "Damn it, Jack, say it."

"Thank you, for getting me back on track this afternoon," Jack said.

"And?" Renee prodded.

"I'm in," Jack said.

"On-site?" Renee asked.

"Yes," Jack said.

"Rank?" Renee asked.

"On provisional standing initially," Jack said.

"Meaning yes," Renee said.

"Yes," Jack said.

"That's great, Jack," Renee said.

"We'll see how great it is when you're seeing me day and night," Jack said. "You may want to be getting rid of me…"

"The FBI can always use someone with your experience, Jack," Renee said.

"Yeah, well I meant get rid of me in your personal life," Jack said.

"That isn't going to happen, and you know it," Renee said. She stood up, and he did as well. "But you're right, we need to discuss some things about the baby and the wedding and all of that." She slid her arms around him, and they moved easily into a soft kiss. "But not right now," Renee said. She slid a hand down Jack's back, and his lips curved into a smile. "Now we celebrate," she said. She captured his lips with hers again, drawing him to her and against her, as much as possible with the growing baby bump between them. His mouth moved on to her neck, and Renee's need for him surged; she grasped his hand and led him to the bedroom, where their fire ignited once again, newly fresh, and full of that passion that engulfed both of them.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee was lying entwined with Jack and the bedclothes in the warm darkness. She could feel his heartbeat and hear his soft breathing. She couldn't see his face, but she sensed he wasn't asleep. She moved her fingertips lightly over his bare chest, savoring the feeling of his skin. It was nice to have a safe, still moment with just him, the night, and the universe. It felt better than anything had ever felt in her life, and she knew without question that it was absolutely right. "Jack," she said softly.

"Yeah," he replied. His hand slid gently into her hair, and his other arm wrapped around her.

Renee closed her eyes and snuggled closer to him. "I have a possible name," she said.

"Tell me," Jack said.

"Thomas," Renee said.

"That's a good one," Jack said. "Family name?"

"My father's name," Renee said.

"I like that," Jack said.

After a brief silence, Renee asked, "How did you and Teri pick a name?"

"She got one of those books of names," Jack said. "It was just kind of randomly picked."

"Would you rather do that?" Renee asked.

"No," Jack said. "That was a different situation."

"Because it was your first?" Renee asked.

"That," Jack said, "and I was a different man. I didn't understand how important every decision is." He turned so that she could see his face. "You're my family now," he said. "You and this baby and Kim. I want her to be part of this, and I want this baby to be a part of something good and solid."

"How did she take the engagement news?" Renee asked.

"I think she is kind of resigned to it at this point," Jack said. "She isn't ready to be happy for me yet. I can understand that, but I hope that will come."

"I hope so too," Renee said. She thought for a moment and then said, "I could get the gun charge dropped. Some people owe me favors…"

"I don't know," Jack said. "Kim purposely made a stupid decision to embarrass me and make me angry. Maybe she should have to deal with the consequences of that."

"Think about it," Renee said. She was tired, and her desire to talk was winding down. "You have an amazing body," she said.

"In the dark," Jack said quietly, seriously.

"All the time," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "You have the amazing body," he said, putting his hand against the baby bump.

"Both of us are hot," Renee said.

Jack laughed and drew her closer to him. "No doubt about that," he said.


	22. Chapter 22

Smoke & Mirrors: Chapter 22

By Morganperidot

On the day that Jack was shot with the bullet that put him in the hospital in critical condition, Renee was working in the FBI office. She was nearly seven months pregnant and still coming into the office regularly. Her pregnancy had been relatively uneventful, and she was thankful for it. Still, she was no longer in FBI fighting shape – quite a different shape from that entirely – so fieldwork was generally out of the question. So she worked on analysis and tactical for her operations and assisted agents needing her help, which kept her busy enough most of the time to keep her mind off Jack, the baby, and their future.

To avoid a variety of legal issues that would likely spring up otherwise, they had decided to get married in a simple ceremony before the baby was born. Renee had no desire for a big, fancy wedding; it all seemed like a silly waste of money to her. She wasn't entirely sure that Jack believed that, although he had finally agreed to a small courthouse affair. Renee had a feeling that Jack thought she secretly wanted some big ceremony with an elaborate dress and a dozen bridesmaids. Maybe part of her did want that just to see what it was like, but all she really cared about was being there with Jack.

When Renee heard the commotion over where Jack's tactical team was huddled, she told herself to stay out of it; they were all professionals, with Jack being the most professional of all. There was no reason for her to butt into the situation without being asked. They would be able to straighten out whatever was going on without her assistance. That was what she told herself, and for a few seconds she hesitated. Then she heard the word "critical", and she headed over there, to hell with egos and protocol.

But Renee stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the pale face of one the female communication specialists. Without any evidence other than that, Renee immediately thought, he's hurt bad. Terror washed through her like ice water, but as much as she knew that could easily be true, she fought to believe it wasn't. She started walking again and soon had several anguished faces looking at her as they spotted her approach. Renee could see that the first woman she had spotted wanted to bolt right out of there, so she addressed another tougher-looking female agent named Harrison. "What happened?" she asked as calmly as she could, though she could hear the edge of fear in her tone.

"Bauer," Harrison started, but then she shifted gears, which reinforced Renee's fears. "Jack was shot," she said. "The room appeared to be clear when we…"

"Is he dead?" Renee asked.

For a moment Harrison didn't respond, then she said, "No, but he was shot in the head. It isn't likely he will survive."

The anguished communications specialist said, "Renee…"

Harrison cut her off. "I'll take you to the hospital," she said. She tossed a glare at the other woman and stood. She told Renee which New York hospital Jack had been taken to as they headed out of the building. Renee didn't ask for details about the shooting; it didn't really matter, and she didn't want that image in her mind. If Jack was still alive when she got to the hospital she didn't want him to see that she was thinking about some broken operation.

If Jack was still alive… Renee put her hand over her large baby bump as she walked with Harrison to Harrison's car. What the hell are we going to do if he's not? she thought.

In the car, Renee tried to call Kim but got her voicemail. She left a message asking Kim to call her and saying it was a true emergency situation. Kim had gone back to LA when the gun charges were dropped, and though Jack had stayed in contact with her, Renee hadn't spoken with her for months. She wasn't sure what to expect when they finally made contact.

When Renee was putting her cell phone away she caught a glimpse of the engagement ring Jack had given her; it was so beautiful it made her heart hurt even more. She knew it was going to be close to impossible to find her way through this without Jack; he was part of her now, part of her life, her child, and her future. Ripping him out of that was going to rip an irreparable tear right through her, and she didn't know how she was going to survive that.

At the hospital she and Harrison learned that Jack was already in surgery; the bullet had to be removed as soon as possible if he had any chance for survival. The problem was the placement of the bullet itself; it was very delicate surgery that even if successful could still result in brain damage, in the small chance that he was to survive at all. Renee listened to all of this impassively and wondered what she should even wish for. She didn't want to live without him but she knew he wouldn't want to live as something less than he had been. Of course there was that sliver of chance that he could come through this undamaged, but Renee could see that the doctor saw no likelihood of that. But then this doctor didn't know Jack, and those who did knew that beating impossible odds was one of the things Jack did best.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Harrison asked, and Renee could tell from her tone and the look in her eyes that it wasn't simply a polite offer.

Renee considered it seriously for a moment, but then she said, "No, but thank you for asking. And thank you for bringing me here."

"I wish there were better news, Renee," Harrison said. "Jack is one in a million."

"Rarer than that, I would think," Renee said. "Seriously, thank you, Jenna."

"I'll give you a call later," Harrison said, and then she turned and walked away.

Renee suddenly felt more alone than she ever had in her life. She had lost Billy, her first love, so many years ago, and it had felt like she would never get over it. Yet, somehow she had known that as young and strong as she was at the time she would survive and maybe even love again in a new and different way. And she had learned to love again, a stronger, deeper, fiercer love, with Jack. It was one of those accidental loves that had so many opportunities to be torn apart, lost, and discarded. But they had held on to one another through all of the difficult times, fighting for the future, their love, their child. And now…what? Now none of it mattered? Some ass had fired a piece of metal into his body and that was going to be it? The future was over already?

Renee's phone rang, and she took it out of her purse. She saw the annoyed looks of others in the waiting room, and she stood and walked out of the area toward the vending machines in the hallway. She had seen the number on the caller ID and knew she had to take the call. It was Kim. "Walker," she said, feeling a strange chill from her normal phone greeting. She and Jack had discussed her changing her name after they were married; if she lost him it was going to be like none of that ever happened, like nothing ever happened between them besides the night they had conceived their child. And there had been so very much more to it than that.

"What's the emergency?" Kim asked. Her tone was basically straightforward, but Renee had the impression that Kim didn't sense yet how serious things were.

"Your father's been shot," Renee said evenly, surprised by the sudden prickling of tears behind her eyes. It was way too early for that. "He's in surgery now," she continued. "They say that the odds of him making it through this are very low."

"Sounds like his kind of odds," Kim said.

"This is serious, Kim," Renee said.

"Yeah, well, if my father made it to surgery he's still holding on," Kim said. She was silent for a moment, and Renee waited it out, surprised by Kim's reaction. "He has too much to live for to let go," Kim said seriously. "He made that more than clear to me. He's going to put his fight into this."

Renee just stood there silently with the phone to her ear. Kim words had given her expected chills; she had expected sarcasm, bitterness, and anger, not this, and she couldn't hold back the couple of tears that slid from her eyes. "Thank you," she said finally.

"I've been doing some thinking," Kim said. "That kid you two are having is my brother, and he's going to need me."

"Yeah," Renee said, blinking back the tears that wanted to keep coming.

"Give me a call after he gets out of surgery," Kim said.

"I will," Renee said. She ended the call and stood there for a moment with her back against the wall and her eyes closed. Damn it, Jack, she thought. Please fight for us.

"Agent Walker?"

Renee opened her eyes and looked at the female doctor standing in front her, and knew without asking that this was the expert surgeon they had brought in for Jack's surgery. "Yes," she said, wiping away the wet streaks on her cheeks.

"Agent Bauer is out of surgery," the surgeon said. "We were able to remove the bullet without additional trauma to the tissue. The concern at this point is that he is still unconscious."

Renee took a moment to process this. "He's in a coma?" she asked finally.

"We would have expected him to regain consciousness by this point," the doctor said.

Renee could sense where this was headed. "Will he…wake up?" she asked.

"That's difficult to determine at this point," the doctor said. "It would be more likely sooner than later, and in that event there will be other issues to be dealt with."

"Such as brain damage," Renee said.

"It's a possibility," the doctor said. "Where the bullet traveled and was lodged…it could affect cognitive function." Her beeper went off, and she looked at it and then shut it off. "I will be keeping an eye on this," she said.

"Thank you," Renee said. "Can I see him?"

"He's in a special wing of the recovery area," the doctor said. "Nurse Mathers can show you where it is." The doctor indicated a blonde woman nearby, and Renee went with the nurse to a room a short distance away. The nurse told Renee to contact her if she needed any help and then left her alone at the door to Jack's room. Renee pushed the door open and stood there for a moment looking at the man lying on that hospital bed. His head was bandaged, and his body was very straight and still under the bed clothes. Her first reaction was that this wasn't Jack at all, that she had been taken to the wrong room. She wanted to shut the door and walk away, pretend that none of this had happened. Shouldn't she be waking up soon from this nightmare with Jack's warm body next to his and that playful smile on his lips? Why couldn't she wake up?

Renee stepped inside and shut the door, then walked over to a chair and brought it next to the bed. "Hey," she said softly, her unease evident in that single word. Renee mentally forced that aside and put her hands around his right hand that remained so strangely still in hers. "I wish I had been out there with you," she said. "This being pregnant thing is really a pain in the butt." She felt the tears coming again and tried to keep them from falling. "Jack, listen, I talked to Kim, and she was all tough and reasonable," she said. "I think everything is going to be OK with that. We're going to have our whole family together." Sitting there in that stark, silent room Renee felt like a fool for trying to tell him that everything was going to be all right. But she thought of Kim and the steady sureness of her voice and found unexpected strength in that. "I love you, Jack," Renee said. "I need you. This baby needs you. We've fought so hard against each other and everyone else. This is our time now. You have to keep fighting. I'm right here with you, and he is too." She put his hand against where the baby was inside of her. "We're fighting for you, Jack," she said, "and nothing is stronger than all of us together." She set his hand back on the bed and touched his face gently. "You know you can do this, Jack," she said. "Come back to us."

* * * * * * * * * * *

Jack didn't wake up that day, and when visiting hours were over Renee left the hospital and went home. It seemed wrong to leave Jack alone in that room, but she knew there was nothing else she could do. So she kissed his immobile lips and told him she would be back in the morning. Then she told the nurse to call her if there was any change; it didn't matter what time it was or what the change was.

When she got home Renee called Kim and then her boss at the FBI, Agent Madison. She told Madison that she needed a few days off; Madison told her to take as long as necessary, but remember to take care of herself. Renee said she would, but it was something she could barely think about aside from knowing that she had to keep the baby safe, their baby, because if she lost Jack that was all she was going to have left of him. She also spoke briefly with Agent Harrison thanking her again for her help and her concern.

Renee heated a frozen dinner and ate it, drank some bottled water, and then turned out the lights in the main rooms of her apartment and went to the bedroom. The first thing she saw there was the pile of Jack's clothes from the previous day on the floor. She walked over and picked them up and threw them at the laundry basket by the door. Then she looked at the bed that they had shared every day for months and felt the ache in her heart start to grow. She set her cell phone on her nightstand, shut the light off, climbed onto the bed, pulled his pillow into her embrace, and finally let the tears flow.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee knew it was a dream, but it still seemed real. She was standing outside the church sanctuary in a long, elaborate white dress. The doors to the sanctuary were closed, and no one else was there. When the wedding march started up she pulled one of the doors open and saw the empty pews and the coffin at the end of the aisle near the altar. The music changed to a dirge, and she stood there for a moment, more annoyed that the place was empty than anything else. Where were all the people who had used Jack for his intelligence and his skills? Where were the people he had nearly given his life for without a second thought? They weren't there; they didn't want to be a part of this. This was hers alone.

Renee walked down the aisle with the long train of the bridal gown trailing behind her. The coffin was closed, but she found she wasn't afraid to see what was inside of it. She could hear Kim's words: "He's going to put his fight into this."

She lifted the lid and saw that the coffin was empty. She set it back down. The music had stopped and the sanctuary was strangely silent. Renee turned and saw Jack in his tux at the end of the aisle headed toward her…when the ringing of her cell phone woke her. She grabbed the phone. "Walker," she said.

"Agent Walker, Agent Bauer is awake," Nurse Mathers said. "The doctors are with him now…"

"I'm on my way," Renee said.

* * * * * * * * * * *

When Renee arrived at Jack's room the doctors were coming out. The surgeon came over to her. "This is a good sign," she said.

"How is he?" Renee asked.

"His basic reactions are good, and he is aware of where he is and why," the surgeon said. "Beyond that it may be easier for you to tell than us at this point. There will be a cognitive specialist here to look at him in a couple hours." She turned and then turned back. "He's a strong one," she said.

Renee understood how she meant that. "Yeah," she said. "He is." She went into the room and closed the door, then smiled at the sight of Jack looking at her. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said softly, and it was good to hear.

Renee walked over to the bed and sat down on the chair beside it. "How do you feel?" she asked.

"Tired," Jack said. His eyes looked good to her, aware and alert. "I'm sorry about what happened," he said.

"Why?" Renee asked, a little worried about this turn in the conversation.

"I shouldn't have gone in," Jack said. "They said it was clear but…"

"That doesn't matter," Renee said, relieved that he seemed to remember what happened.

"The operation…"

"The operation doesn't matter, Jack," Renee said.

"It was important," Jack said.

"You're the only thing that's important," Renee said, and she was overjoyed to see his smile. She wrapped her hand around his on the bed and leaned over to gently kiss his lips.

"I'm OK," Jack said.

"We'll let the doctors determine that," Renee said. Jack's eyes drifted closed, and she said, "I'll let you rest for a while, OK?"

He opened his eyes. "OK," he said. "But come back."

Renee laughed. "You won't be getting rid of me," she said.

"Me either," Jack said sleepily, and closed his eyes again. Renee kissed his cheek softly, released his hand, and with a lingering glance, left the room.

* * * * * * * * * *

"So, he's OK?" Kim said.

"He's awake and alert," Renee replied. "There's a doctor in with him now. They're not sure how much damage the bullet did." Renee was in the hospital cafeteria talking on her cell phone. She leaned back in her chair. "He seemed good though," she said.

There was a hesitation, and finally Kim said, "Renee, I'm sorry. I didn't want to believe that he could love someone other than Mom. But I can see that he does, and I can see that he really wants and needs this with you. And he deserves it."

Renee closed her eyes and sighed. "Thank you," she said.

"I had to grow up sometime, right?" Kim said. "So am I invited to the wedding?"

Renee smiled. "You were anyway," she said.

"I'll be there," Kim said.

* * * * * * * * * *

Later Renee spoke with the cognitive specialist, who was "guardedly optimistic" about Jack's status. He gave her a list of warning signs to look for, and Renee thanked him before going in to see Jack again. He was sitting up in bed this time, and there was more color in his face. "The FBI should hire that guy," he said.

"Yeah?" Renee said. "Why's that?"

"He's better than most of the Bureau interrogators," Jack said.

Renee sat on the chair by the bed. "How did you do?" she asked.

"Well, I can name the last six Presidents backwards, add two three digit numbers, and explain why chess is better than checkers in two sentences," Jack said.

"That's useful," Renee said.

Jack looked at her. "I feel like crap," he said, "but I think my brain is working right."

"Well, then you must have brain damage, since it never worked right before," Renee said.

"Funny," Jack said.

Renee smiled. "Hey, I love you," she said.

"Yeah, I remember that," Jack said.

"Good," Renee said.

"I wish there was enough room in this bed for you too," Jack said seriously.

"Are you saying something about my size?" Renee asked, putting a hand on her belly.

"You're beautiful," Jack said.

"I'm so happy that you're OK, Jack," Renee said. "I don't want to be without you, not ever."

Renee sat on the bed, and they kissed. "I think I should leave the FBI," Jack said.

"I didn't mean…"

"I know," Jack said. "But I feel like this was my last free pass."

"OK, we'll talk about it later," Renee said. "You know I think I could fit on this bed if you would stop hogging all of it."

"Sorry, but I was just at death's door and…"

"Suck it up, Bauer," Renee said, getting onto the bed beside him. "It wasn't really that big a deal."

Jack just smiled. Renee turned on her side and put her back to him and felt his hands against her body a moment later. "I love you, too," he said into her ear, and all was right in the world.


	23. Chapter 23

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 23

By Morganperidot

Jack made a quick recovery from the gunshot wound to the head that he received in the field, and despite continued cautioning from the medical personnel that the recovery might not be complete, Renee didn't see anything incomplete about it. Physically and mentally Jack was solidly on track to come all the way back to his previous form, and he was completely emotionally engaged as well. But Renee knew that he had confronted his mortality and how that event would affect her and their child, and that still seemed to be affecting him deeply, especially as far as returning to work was concerned. On a daily basis he asked her about the operations she was involved with at the FBI, but he showed no desire to talk about returning to the Bureau himself.

His first day out the hospital Jack surprised Renee by spending most of his time in bed sleeping, curled up in the bed clothes with two pillows under his head in the bedroom of her New York apartment. A bit worried, Renee stayed home with him and made a real meal while he rested – a simple lasagna recipe she had found on the Internet – and got a six-pack of his favorite beer. She figured she could toss the lasagna and get a pizza if it turned out badly; after all, she was no real cook, not like Jack. It seemed to turn out OK though, so she decided it would be safe to serve. She turned off the oven and set the steaming dish on the stove burners. Then she went to the bedroom.

Jack was lying his back looking at the ceiling. "How are you feeling?" Renee asked.

"OK," he said. He sat up. "What is that? It smells great."

"You haven't forgotten my famous lasagna, have you?" Renee teased gently. "I make it all the time."

Jack laughed. "Yeah, right," he said. "It's a miracle the smoke detector didn't go off."

"That's not nice," Renee said, but she smiled. "I think it turned out OK."

Jack slid off the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans that was lying on the floor. "You didn't have to…"

"I wanted to," Renee said.

Jack looked at her with a hint of seriousness in his eyes. "I'm fine," he said.

"I believe you," Renee said.

"Yeah?" Jack said, walking over to where she stood in the doorway. "You've been a little distant with me since I've been back here."

"This is your first day out of the hospital, Jack," Renee said. "I'm not going to push you."

Jack closed the space between them – as much as possible with her large pregnant belly between them – and kissed her warmly and firmly. "I'm not fragile," he whispered against her skin. "I promise you that."

"I've never thought you were," Renee said.

"Good," Jack said. He walked past her and down the hall to the kitchen. Renee smiled to herself and then followed him. She found Jack was in the kitchen getting plates. "It looks very good," Jack said, and it was a serious compliment because she knew how well he cooked.

"Thanks," Renee said.

He cut up the lasagna and put portions on plates, then placed the plates on the table. Renee got a bottle of water and a beer, as well as the silverware and brought them over. She and Jack both sat at the table and started eating, and Renee was pleased to find that the lasagna had actually turned out well after all. Jack chugged some beer and then leaned back in his chair. Renee had almost been able to hear the wheels turning in his brain while they were eating, so she waited for him to tell her the results of that process. "Are you still cool with the courthouse wedding idea?" he asked finally.

"Yeah," Renee said. "Why?"

"I set it up for tomorrow," Jack said.

Renee was a little surprised. "I'm not due for a couple weeks…"

"It's not that," Jack said. Then he met her gaze and said, "It's not just about that."

"What else?" Renee asked.

"I don't want to wait," Jack said. The bad vibe this gave Renee must have been reflected on her face, because he proceeded to explain. "I'm not going anywhere," he said. "I just don't want to put things off. I did that for so long, and it was BS. I want everything that you and I can be together right now."

"We don't have to be married for that," Renee said. Jack raised an eyebrow. "I want it too," she said. "I'm just saying it's not necessary to rush."

"Yeah, it is," Jack said. "For me, it is. I want you to be my wife."

"That sounds a little possessive," Renee teased. She loved the way it sounded.

"It is," Jack said, "but that goes both ways. I'm done with the alienated loner BS. That was never what I wanted; it was just all that I thought I could have. After Teri was killed and I lost Kim's respect I didn't want to even try to take another shot at building a family. I didn't think I deserved to have one. But what you've given me is what I've always wanted and needed."

"Maybe you should be saving all of that for the vows," Renee said with a smile.

"I'll come up with more," Jack said. He looked over at his plate. "So, I can either do the dishes, or we can make out," he said. "What do you think?"

"Well, if we do the latter you're still going to do the former, right?" Renee said.

"After I take another nap and we do it again," Jack said.

"Sounds like there are going to be some dirty, crusty dishes," Renee said.

"To hell with them," Jack said. "We can just throw them out and get new ones."

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee was lying beside Jack, looking at him in the dark bedroom. She couldn't figure out what he was planning to do about the FBI. Was he just going to let it slip away after they had fought so hard to get him inside the Bureau the way he wanted? She wasn't sure what he wanted now or whether it even mattered to him anymore.

"What?" Jack asked, opening his eyes.

Renee smiled. "Which what?" she asked.

"If we're going to play games, there are better ones than that," Jack said.

"Much better ones," Renee said, and she leaned in to kiss his lips softly. "But I want you tell me something," she said. Jack just looked at her silently. Renee remembered when they first met, and his silence would have meant that he wasn't going to tell her anything no matter how hard she pried. But the look she saw now in the eyes of the man she loved was one of openness. "Are you going back to the FBI?" she asked.

Jack sighed. "Do you think I should?" he asked.

"You don't want to?" Renee said.

"I'm not sure what I want," Jack said, "about that, anyway."

Renee hesitated a moment on the question she was afraid to ask. Jack waited for it silently; Renee saw trust in his gaze that she didn't want to betray. But she had to know, and part of her knew that he needed to go there too. "Are you afraid?" she asked quietly, "afraid of dying and leaving us?"

Jack held her gaze for a moment, and when he spoke, the single word held no anger, disappointment, or uncertainty. "No," he said. "I can go out there with a clear mind, and eventually I will. I just don't need to do it now. I finally have my priorities straight, and I'm not messing with that right now."

Renee smiled. "Works for me," she said.

"So about getting married tomorrow?" Jack said.

"Can Kim…"

"Yeah," Jack said. "I set that up too."

Renee laughed. "Then yeah, let's do it," she said.

* * * * * * * * * *

Renee stood in the ladies room at the courthouse, trying to put her hair into a style that was a little different than what she did every day. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, the large ivory dress draped over her like a muumuu on a whale, and for a moment she felt like she was going to cry. She didn't know if was the hormones, the situation, or something else, but she didn't want tears at that moment. She and Jack were finally getting married, making their relationship something legal and solid. She didn't want to fall apart now…

She heard the door open, and in the mirror Renee saw Kim walk in. "Thank you for coming," Renee said without turning around. She needed a moment longer to compose herself.

"My father wants me to give you something," Kim said. Renee felt a sudden spike of fear, and she turned, expecting to see a letter from Jack in Kim's hand, a letter saying that yes he loved her and their child and always would but he couldn't do this and was instead running off to the end of the earth somewhere to put his life in danger alone. Kim smiled, and that smile appeared to be genuine. "You look beautiful," she said.

"Maybe for a whale in ivory silk," Renee said, "but thank you."

Kim laughed, but then her smile faded. "Are you really concerned about how you look?" she asked seriously.

"No," Renee said in a tone that was not at all convincing. Looking at her, Renee could see that Kim was the one who was beautiful, thin and lovely in a full-length pink dress with ruffles that accented her perfect figure. Renee suddenly wondered why in the world she was in this ridiculous situation. How was she going to be a mother? How was she going to be a wife? She certainly wasn't prepared to be either. None of this made sense.

"He loves you," Kim said. "I haven't seen him so happy in years. Maybe not since before Mom died. He's a different person than he's been because of you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to be able to see that."

"Jack will always be Jack," Renee said.

"That's true," Kim said. "But this Jack is a different Jack." She held out a box. "He wants me to give you this," she said. Renee took the box and opened it. Inside was a gold chain with a pendant that held a gorgeous deep blue sapphire in a heart-shaped setting. "He was concerned about the whole old, new, borrowed, and blue thing," Kim added.

"Really?" Renee said.

"He doesn't let on, but he can be a little superstitious sometimes," Kim said. "Do you want me to help you put it on?"

"Yes," Renee said. "Thanks." She turned her back, and Kim put the necklace around her neck and did the clasp, then turned her back around.

"Like I said, beautiful," Kim said.

Renee wanted to say something about the pregnancy and her awkwardness, but it just didn't seem right. Instead she just turned back to the mirror and looked at the necklace. Jack Bauer superstitious? she thought. It didn't seem possible. Maybe there were still things for her to learn about him.

"So that covers the new and blue, but you still need old and borrowed," Kim said. She moved next to Renee, on her left. "This belonged to my grandmother," she said, "my father's mother."

Renee looked over and saw that Kim held out a gold ring with a flower pattern and a bezel diamond. Renee took it from her. "This is beautiful," she said. She looked at Kim. "Are you sure you want me to wear this?" she asked.

"Yeah," Kim said. "I'm sure."

Renee slid the ring onto the middle figure next to her ring finger that had the emerald engagement ring; it fit there snugly. "You're sure you're sure?" Renee asked Kim.

Kim laughed. "Yes," she said. "Now we should get out there before he thinks we bolted out the back door."

"I'm not exactly in bolting shape anymore," Renee said, indicating the large baby bump.

"Not like there would be a chance of you doing it if you were," Kim said. "I know you love him, and it's clear that he loves you just as much."

"Yeah," Renee said. She slid her right hand over her belly. "Yeah, that's true." There was no question in her mind about that, or whether she wanted to marry Jack. Renee thought about Jack waiting in the judge's chambers, and she finally smiled. "Let's do this," she said.

* * *

There was no aisle to walk down, no congregation of staring friends and family, no organ music, and no elaborate sets of bridesmaids and groomsmen. But when Renee saw Jack turn and look at her as she walked into the judge's chambers she knew for certain that they didn't need any of that. Jack's beautiful eyes, the windows to his brilliant mind, simply shone with the depth of the love that he felt for her. And no matter what she looked like or how huge she was, Renee knew that this was the right thing, this moment, this place, this ceremony, this marriage, this man. She smiled, and then his lips curled in response. He was amazingly handsome in his tuxedo, and her heart fluttered when she reached him and he took her hand. "I love you," Jack said, and he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"I love you, too," Renee responded.

"Well, I'm glad to see this isn't a shotgun wedding," the middle-aged female judge said.

"More like a blessing," Jack said softly. Renee's heart fluttered again. She hadn't thought it was possible to love Jack more than she already had, but in that moment she did.

"Your paperwork is all in order," the judge said. "Did you want to say vows?"

"I have a few words," Jack said. He took both of Renee's hands in his and looked in her eyes. "It's as simple as this," he said. "If it hadn't met you, if you hadn't held on to me the way you did, I would be dead by now. I'm sure of that, because that was the direction I was headed in, the subconscious desire I never would have admitted. But you found me, and you loved me in a way that was so fierce that it just cut right through all the BS I threw in the way. You saved my life, Renee, and you gave me a new one, one with a family that is larger and stronger. I thank you, and I'll will love you and our child the best that I can."

Renee smiled. "I never would have expected love to come in the form of the legendary rogue agent Jack Bauer," she said. Jack rolled his eyes, but his lips were curled in a slight grin. "I was devoted to my career, and I didn't foresee a child and a husband on the horizon; I didn't know that I wanted and needed them in my life, but I did. I knew the first time we kissed, the first time I held you in my arms, that you and I were meant to be together, and with this child came an even deeper confirmation. It's the right thing and a good thing, and I will love you and our child the best that I can as well."

Kim walked over and handed them the rings. Renee stole a glance at her and saw the tears gleaming in her eyes before looking back at Jack. He slid one ring on her finger, and she slid the other on his. The judge finished the official part of the ceremony, and Renee and Jack kissed softly. When Jack moved back from her, Renee saw the shift to concern in his eyes. "What's wrong?" he said.

"Nothing," Renee said. "But we should go to the hospital. It's time."


	24. Chapter 24

Smoke and Mirrors: Chapter 24

By Morganperidot

Things at the hospital started out well. The Bureau had given Jack and Renee a reserved private birthing suite as a present, and they were able to settle in and enjoy quiet isolation. The first hour or so of labor was more exciting than painful; Renee had practiced the exercises and breathing that were supposed to make things easier, but it was mostly having Jack there that helped her through the contractions. Knowing how much he wanted this child and their family made it worth it to go through what was necessary to bring the baby into the world.

But when many hours had passed and things weren't progressing as they should, anticipation gave way to anxiety and outright concern. Eventually the young blond doctor pulled Jack aside, and they spoke quietly in a corner of the suite while Kim tried to keep Renee distracted. But Renee wasn't having any of that. "Tell me what's going on," she said loud enough for the doctor and Jack to hear.

Jack looked over at her, and then he went over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. "I'm sorry about that," he said.

"What's wrong?" Renee said. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"

The doctor came over to the bed as well. "There shouldn't be any problem with the fetus," she said calmly. "However, it may be time to consider additional medications or Cesarean delivery."

Renee just looked at Jack. "It's going to fine," he said. "The baby will be fine." His tone was straightforward and even, and she could see the certainty of it in his eyes. She didn't think he was trying to willingly mislead her, but Renee was becoming scared. It might be irrational, but the fear was there, waiting to pounce on her from where it was held at bay in a corner of her mind. She felt a couple of tears slip out of her eyes; she wiped them away with her hand. "Give us a few minutes," she heard Jack said, and then he stood up and ushered the doctor and Kim out of the suite.

"Jack…"

"I'm right here," he said. He closed the door and walked over to her. He sat back down on the bed and took her hand in his. For several seconds he didn't say anything, so Renee had to start the conversation.

"What's wrong with me?" she asked. "Why can't I do this?"

"Nothing's wrong," Jack said.

"Don't lie to me," Renee replied.

"I'm not," Jack said. "We had that ultrasound a week ago, and everything was fine."

"Then why can't I do this?" Renee said. She looked away as more tears came along with a contraction. She squeezed Jack's hand and tried to breathe.

When the contraction passed Jack said, "It isn't time yet."

"The doctor seemed to think…"

"We've never done things the way they are supposed to be done, right?" Jack said. "Why should this be any different?" Renee knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but she couldn't bring herself to respond in kind; she was too worried. "OK, listen," Jack said. "I have a story to tell you that…"

"I don't want to have a C-section, Jack," Renee said.

"Then you won't," Jack said.

"You don't know what…"

"Yeah, I do," Jack said.

Renee looked at him then and saw that fierce strength inside of him shining through his eyes. "You can't control this, Jack," she said. "You can't fix it."

"Have you forgotten who I am?" he asked. "I'm Jack Bauer. I can fix anything."

Renee felt her lips curl slightly, but her smile slipped away with the next contraction. Afterward, Renee said, "I'm scared, Jack. What if something goes wrong? What if something has already gone wrong?"

"You're my wife, and this is our child," Jack said. "We've been through hell together. We're going to make it through this OK."

"That's just BS," Renee said. "You don't know that." She pulled her hand out of his.

"Renee, I'm not afraid," Jack said.

"Why not?" she asked.

He reached out for her hand again, and she let him take it back in hers. "Sometimes I just know things," he said quietly. "I just know what to do and how to react in certain situations. It's not all cognitive plotting; you know that. So much of it is instinct first. In the field you have to trust those instincts." He smiled. "In love you have to trust them too," he said. "And now I trust them."

"Because they are telling you what you want to believe," Renee said. "Or maybe you just don't feel anything," she added. She immediately regretted how harsh that sounded. "Jack, I'm sorry," she said.

There was a long moment during which neither of them spoke. Jack's hand was still wrapped around hers. "My mother was in labor for a long time when she was giving birth to me," he said, his gaze returning to hers. "They wanted to mess with that too, but she was against it. So she told them to give her 24 hours and after that they could do what they wanted. At the end of the last hour I was born all red and shrieking and ready for battle."

"I love you, Jack," Renee said.

He looked at her. "I know that," he said.

"I shouldn't have said…"

"It was understandable," Jack said.

"No, it wasn't," Renee said. "I know how you feel."

Jack's lips curled slightly. "In every sense of the word," he said.

"You're coming on to me in the middle of labor?" Renee said.

"You started it," Jack said.

Renee sighed and tried to relax against the pillows behind her. "Was that story true?" she asked.

"It's the one my mother told me," Jack said. He gently put his hand on her belly. "This one is like us," he said. "I believe he's going to be OK. My heart tells me that, like it told me that I had to stop being such a fool and let you in."

"Especially after you knocked me up," Renee said.

Jack smiled. "Well, yeah," he said. He stood up and kissed her lips softly, but Renee pulled him closer and kissed him more firmly. Another contraction came, but this time it felt like there was some progress in her birth canal. "Call the doctor," she said. He moved back and looked at her. "It's OK," Renee said. "Just get her."

Jack left and returned with the doctor, who looked skeptical that there had been any change. However, when the doctor had reviewed the situation she said, "I'm not sure what you did, but things have definitely progressed. You should be ready soon."

Renee looked at Jack, and he smiled.

* * * * * * * * * *

Jack stayed by her side through all of it, and Renee was so grateful to have him there. In a way it all still seemed so surreal that she was suddenly a wife and mother. How was she going to juggle that and the FBI? What was Jack going to do? But none of that mattered the moment she heard her son's first cry and saw the doctor hand the baby over to a nurse to clean up.

And there was no feeling in the world like the first time she held their son in her arms, and saw him as a real human person who was the combination of her and Jack. "What do you think about the name William?" Renee asked Jack.

"I like it a lot," Jack said. He gently took the baby into his arms, and Renee smiled at the image of Jack Bauer, former rogue agent, former loner, former lost soul, and current husband and father holding his new son in his arms. It was the best sight she had ever seen in her life. And for that moment their child was truly a miracle to her, and it didn't really matter what else the future held.


End file.
